Judge — November 6, 1909 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

(Ht CONTINUALLY BORED 1GET YOU WHEN TM WHERE THERES Lee we ROOTS THERES | GOING HOPE: FOR PAIN “THERE WAS NEVER YET PHILOSOPHER, THAT COULD ENDURE ™® TOOTHACHE PATENTLY WHAT THE TOOTH SAID. OUR TOMMY. 0" TOMMY, one Halloween night, Was petrified nearly with fright— He saw a weird face Make an awful grimace, But ‘twas only a Jack * lantern light. ELEANOR FLATT KEAMNEY. TALKLESS. CL never talk to anybody.""—Mias Kath- erine Bukina.) DORABLE lady! Phenomenal she, In the depths of the seal 1 No dukedom, but jehiel kingdom, veiti3i#$ Her crowning should ht i rie! be. How happy the hus- band, Entitled or plain, Should be in possess- ing So precious a gain! Compared with its value, Mere money's a pain. She talks to nobody. How blessed that she Possesses this apirit To such a degre But when she is married? Oh, well, we shall see! WILLIAM J. LAMPTON. SHOOK A LITTLE. 66 (2 RACIOUS, what makes the floor shake 80?" asked Mrs. Rusticus, as she sat at tea with Mrs. Metrop in the huge apartment house. “Oh, we get used to that,’” replied Mra. Metrop easily. uae ‘THE REASON. HE LAUGHS at his wit, But 'tis not from delight; He has not made a hit— She has teeth that are white! NEWLY IMPORTED SLANG. COLUMBIA professor has a son who is like most other boys, and his lan- guage is at times slangy enough, for which he is prop- erly corrected; but last Satur- day he came in with an expres- sion which rather stumped the purist. It was after the last of a series of ball games be- tween the kid nines of the neighborhood. “*Well,”” inquired the father, being somewhat of a fan himself, ‘how did you come out in the games?"" “Aw,” replied the young- ster, ina tone of disgust and quite seriously, “* they cooked our Peary for us, all right, all right.” SPROUTING UP. “ DT you think, Mary, you are too old to play with the boys?” “* No, mamma; the older! get, the better I like them.”” OVE is when two people get the iden they can’t see enough of each other nor too little of other people. “tify ZN BETWEEN TWO RATS. SOME BAD NAMES. R A BANK cashier—Rob. For a coal dealer—Pete. For a slovenly man—Tony. For a burglar—Jimmy. For a poor man—Bill. For a brave man—Hen. For a chiropodist—Corny. For a bad-tempered woman —May. For an empty man—Phil. For an easy man—Mark. For a doorman—Matt. For a fly man—Nat. For a grocer—Sandy. For a bankrupt—Owen. For a sandwich man—Ham. For an oyster man—Noah.* ‘or an undertaker—Paul. For a milliner—Hattie. For a deceitful man—Frank. For a lady cashier—Tillie. For a farmer—Jay. For a son-in-law—Claude. For a builder—Jerry. For an egotist—Me-thuselah. * No“ R."—With apologies to London Punch for infringement of copyright. THE SPRATTS. ACK SPRATT was very fat, His wife was very lean— ‘And so upon the bathing beach “You came in by the subway The twain were never seen, entrance, or you might have no- FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS, ticed we are immediately above Casey * boss towld me befoore he wint away t? sind, him a ci- the cathedral; and sometimes, pher missage if annything wint wrong. Here's th’ only cipher missage Oi T! " know annything aboot. So, begorra, if he kin make out from it thot his when the bass inging an an- stable 's burned down an’ three ov his bist harses is burned ¢' dith, he ‘sa them, the floor vibrates a little. Jim-daisy.” ERE are two kinds of people who should not drink squir- rel whiskey. Male and female. comicbooks.com