Judge, 1909-10-02 · page 14 of 16
Judge — October 2, 1909 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge (circa 1909) contains three distinct humor pieces: **"REFLECTED HUMOR"** — A satire on early-20th-century progressive thinking. A young man asks "Do you love me?" and receives a pedantic response filled with jargon about "psychologic standpoint," "sociological," and "economic" factors — mocking how educated young women of the period adopted academic terminology. He responds with simple physical affection (a hug and kiss), satirizing the gap between overly intellectual modern youth and basic human expression. **"BATTLE OF BOSTONTOWN"** — Appears to parody the Charge of the Light Brigade (famous WWI poem) through increasingly absurd "constructive" language ("constructive death," "subliminal consciousness"), mocking bureaucratic military jargon and the disconnect between how war is discussed theoretically versus its actual human cost. **Short joke items** — Including "PREVENTION," where a suitor asks about family insanity, mocking paranoia about hereditary illness and eugenics concerns common to the era. Overall, the page satirizes modern intellectualism, academic pretension, and bureaucratic obfuscation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
uage. hite Rock “The World’s Best Table Water”’ 2009 edition of the famous” Richard's Poor Almanack.”* ‘Address White itoek, Flatiron Iida. strated humorous book. Sent for tue. tnenitaf 0, Beautifully bound and ‘N.Y. REFLECTED HUMOR HIS ANSWER. “Do you love me?" he asked. In reply, the modern young girl looked fervid with emotion, Do I love you?" she repeated. ‘I I love you psychologically, socio logically, economically. From the psy. chologic standpoint, I feel that our different organisms are so nicely diff entiated as to form a properly articu- lated area of combined consciousness. Sociologically, our individual environ- ment has been enough in contrast to form a proper basis for a right union. Economically, I feel sure that when we come to combine, we shall be able to in- troduce into the management of our affairs the right financial balance to pro- duce the scientific result which every well-ordered and conducted business prt duces, And now, how do you love m ‘The young man reached forward. He clasped her swiftly but surely in his arms. He hugged her long and plenty. He kissed her alabaster cheek and her ruby lips. “How do I love you?’’ he replied. My dear girl, I love you just as much as if you r talking about. For 50 Cents wit “Please Find Inclosed.’ do. change. Copyriah 1009, by Dol And it's worth it! Size, 1416, in sepia The ture to above is a companion pic Awaiting Your Reply,” of our unique Business Man's Series. New prints published monthly. Ask to be put on our list. LESLIE-JUDGE COMPANY 22S Fifth Avenue NEW YORK at the modern young man with eyes per- | knew what you were | BATTLE OF BOSTONTOWN. Constructively to right of them, Metaphorically in front of them The imaginary constructive ; It was theirs to cogitate upon ‘the rea- son why, o that they might differentiate be- tween those who should construct- ively die And those who, constructively over-| whelmed, should fly— Otherwise some responsible head might have blundered. Into supposed jaws of death, Into the for-the-sake-of-argument jaws of perdition, Stormed at with theoretical shot and | shell, | Rode the metaphysical six hundred; Bridge succumbed stress, ‘The constructive heroes perished appar- ently at the moment of success- Fatally wounded in the subliminal con- sciousness While constructively, all the world wondered, to metaphorical | Honor, mathematically, the charge they made, Euclid’s theorems for the played, While the differential calculus and loga- rithms in mines constructively laid, Detonated and left the ranks con- structively sundered— Subtracted from the constructive jaws of death, Letting ‘*x"” equal the thebretical jaws part they/ The problem is to solve the equation| trigonometrically, | And we shall have the remainder of the six hundred, construct! | W. D, Nesbit in the Chicago Ex Post. ng | oranges are mo petizing after a few dashes of Abbott's Bitters have been added, FOUND OUT. “Would you like to hear a secret in-| volving Mrs. Nextdoor in a dreadful scandal?” “Yea, oh, yes! Tell it to me “I don't Know any such secre! have certainly got a mean disposition.”” —Houston Post, PREVENTION. Ghotly Softhed: y, Mr. Killtime, -love your daughter and want tol marry her. Is there any insanity in| your family?” Mr. “No, young man, moreover, there ain't EFFECTIVE. “The climax to his wooing was very He proposed to of a mountai at did she do?’* threw him ove —Baltimore In answering advertisements please mention Juncr. Awards Month Puzzle Contest (See Issue of Judge for Aug. 7th, 1909) 1. January 2. July 3. December! le August 5. March | 6. Evans’ Ale » award of prizes—made in ac- ¢ with the conditions printed in for August 7th, 1909—is as fol- Thi cordan Jupe lows: FIRST PRIZE $5.00 Awarded to William H. Powell, Street, Baltimore, Md. | SECOND PRIZE | $1.00 Awarded to each of the following: Winifred F. Ticer, Huntington, Ind. L. F. Iverson, New York City. Ernest Langgood, Baltimore, Md. W. A. Poyck, Wilkes-Barre, Pa, J.C. Bogart, Hannibal, Mo. THIRD PRIZE ubscription to LIBRARY Ella B. Barnett, Paducah, Ky. William H. Lloyd, Freeland, Pa. Edith Lee, Baltimore, Md. A. T. Mallett, Bal ore, Md. Winifred L. Prouty, Denver, Col. Ada T. prakes Fredonia, N. Y. South Gay Jieeb I Prager, New York, N. Y. Arthur P. Burgess, Norfolk, Va. M. Hersberger, Sewickley, Pa. M1, Huckbarth, Columbus, 0. enham, St. Paul, Minn, Fre erick Russell, York, N. Y. J. G. Ward, Beaver Falls, Pa. J. Bradley, Montgomery, Ala. John Eyerman, Jr., Oakhurst, Easton, Pa Wendell Gammons, South Brain- | Mass. | It, E. Dougherty, Seattle, Wash. | . D. Ballard, Los Angeles, Cal. FOURTH PRIZE A year’s subscription to JUDGE'S QUARTERLY Awarded to each of the following: Charles R. Barker, Anniston, Ala. Mrs, J. McNamara, Detroit, Mich. William Renssner, New York, N. Y. Howard Coleman, Baltimore, Md. Mrs. Georgia Fullmer, Eaton, Col. Harry M. Konwiser, Newark, N. J. Claudia Pinkney, Charle Norma Marek, St. Paul Charles A. King, Stephen Szendy, New York, John N. Kolb, Elizabeth, N. J. John C. Rand, Boston, Mass. Dr. Raymond Jones, Flat Rock, Il. Dr. J. W. West, Moline, Il. Ora De Voe, Pittsburgh, Pa. Margaret Ross, New Orlean Glenn Lowry, Braddock, F 3. Becket, Seattle, Wash. E. Gordon Sims, Bogalusa, L: Mrs. C, J. Klick, Muskag tr La. Okla. Mothers will tind Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup the best remedy for their chikiren. A NEW WRINKLE. In Winter ITS A COLD In Summer ITS BOWEL 1%) Be good to your poor Thy old stomach these Pi hot days and restless nights. Don’t ask it to assimilate raw, rank, nonde- script whiskies. Give it good pure, gentle old FIRST AID TO DIGESTION EVERY WOMAN is interested and should know about the woo “MARVEL Ask your drug. gist for it. If he cannot sup. ply the MARVEL, accept noother, butsend stamp f« illustrated book—sealed. It gives full particulars and directions invaluable to ladies. Address MARVEL CO., 44 East 234 Street, New York SANTAL CAPSULES « PROMPTLY RELIEVED BY. THE ENGLISH REMEDY| BLAIR’S PILL oruccist s. Jon OS HERAY S ACCIDENT EN ROUTE. The severest punishment ever inflicted upon little Mabel was to wash out ber mouth with soap. This punishment was reserved usually for those occasions | on which she indulged in bad language. The child was a favorite at the kinder | garten, and when one day her elder sistet appeared alone, the teacher hastened t ask with solicitude if Mabel were sick. “Oh, oh, no!"? replied the sister; “but she’s very bad to-day. She’ hat two washouts already this morning."— Red Hen, A CHEAP TRIP. oo “What did your European trip cost aioe haniiea Sed fifty dollars in tips Ras Wel Il, who blowed it out? ita lick with my britches an’ I hain’ seen nothin’ er it sence.""—Atlanta Con- stitution, It will be appreciated. d ‘1 jest hit pal t a few incidental traveling & penses.""—Chicago Tribune. Lots more people would want to liveit the suburbs if it was improper to doit