Judge — August 14, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A GYMNASTIC FEAT. “Pa, there's a cockroach on the ¢ “ Put your foot on it and let me alone.”* PLAYING CHURCH. ITTLE CAROL, five years old, has lately been quite taken up with the idea of conducting meetings. The other day, while on a visit to grandma on the farm, she closed her meeting by passing the butter ladle, which she had discovered, saying, “ Here, grandma, put something in. This is the contrary-box.”? A BETTER DELIVERY. Parson Fitzroy (ut the ball game)— “T must have my salary increased.” Farmer Snodgrass (always bent on keeping the salary down)—* Why?” Parson Fitzroy—" Well, that pitcher yonder gets double the salary Ido." Farmer Snodgrass—" But, elder, his delivery is a great deal better than yours.”” A WARNING IN BLACK, WHEN 0" no to New York, Jus* be careful walkin erbout For de auto’biles'll git yo’ If yo’ don’ watch out. OFFICIAL NOTICE. HOSE who try to hoodwink the correspondent of this newspaper will get themselves disliked, Of late there have been several cases where residents Browne— uage THE VILLAGE ANANIAS, (With apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.) INDER a spreading “‘chest- nut’ tree The village liar stands. Forsooth, a mighty man is he- He lives in many lands; Indeed, no people ‘neath the sun But have him on their hands. His tongue is lean and loose and long; His face, though one should scan, Reveals no trace of that beneath Which makes the charlatan; For he has shunned the truth until His face belies the man! Week in, week out, from morn till night, You hear his bellows blow— Let none mistake my meaning here; If any do, then know I speak now of the breath whereby His tongue is made to go. The simple linger at hia feet, To take his wordy store; They love to hear his wondrous tales— To hear his bellows roar; And strangers hearken to the words They have not heard before. But, oh, alack! the day which falls On all these mundane scenes, When there shall be no listener, As ke himself demeans, Except the scornful one who says, “Tell that to the marines N. B. RIPLEY, ES “CHERRIES ARE SS ALWAY SAAS BE ee ~ SG wise! WISHED NOTHING FOREGONE. 66 p*--- me," said the gallant gentleman who was making rapid progress in his ac- * but who quaintance with the beautiful girl, are you one of these young ladie expect every man they meet to propose to them? “Oh, no, indeed,’ she replied quickly. “I think it is much nicer if the proposal always comes ag sort of a surprise.”* THE SUBURBAN SPECIAL Passenger—' Conductor, isn’t this train very much behind time? Seems to me that we are going very slowly.”” Conductor —"*No, sir; we are making the usual time. I’ve been on the road ten years, and I know.” ian, | presume?" Nope ; a great modern inventor Just invented a damper for stove-pipe hats to avoid draughts and prevent cold in the head.” A Passenger—"* Been on the road ten years! Great Scott! What station did you get on at?"” A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS. WELL-DONE steak is hard to get, For heat is scarce, Though twice returned, that yet ** well-done ”* rare, I'll swear; I find steak is have sent word to the office that they were going out of town for the day, and then kept out of sight in their back yards so that their deception wouldn't be dis- covered, Potato bug—“ That's the largest of my species I ever saw." HAMMOCK PHILOSOPHY. 6CWYA, DO sailors take their sweethearts aboard ship with them?” * Of course not."” “Then why does each sailor have a hammock ?"* ABSOLUTELY FIREPROOF, comicbooks.com