Judge — August 14, 1909 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Midge. A LOW ESTIMATE. “Well, gentlemen," said Tomkins to a couple of his friends, “you can talk as much as you please about the infe- riority of women, but there are lots of them that can discount most of us for 9G CASE UPSETS A JUDGE. lomon gag cannot be played ‘ously in the Yorkville court. ich has been proven. Magistrate proved it the other day to the tion of all not immediately con- ri, when Misses Fuller and Ward s. Take my wife, for instance jad th joint debate over the bull pup. she’s got twice as much sense as I have, “IL. simine,’’ said Miss Fuller. “He's and I ain’t ashamed to acknowledge it, my ows darling Mugsy, and I love him. | cither.”” I raises! him on the bottle.”” | ‘*But, don’t you think,” said one of “That hussy never saw aim,’ said’ his auditors, “that you put rather a low estimate of your wife's intellectual Miss Ward indignantly. ‘*He'’s my own Tit-Bits. itty-bitty Corker, and he loves his muz-, powers? ‘ve had him all his dear little HER HUSBAND'S SUGGESTION. Three bathing suits she bought her, And she thought he was a dunce When he blushed as he besought her To wear them all at once. —Lippincott’s. e Barlow became a delicate er—endearments are ladies,’” he said. From st that you address the court and not the bull terrier. And do not talk baby talk, Now, suppose we test your claims.” | Hoth ladies professed themselves anxivus to undergo the major and minor question in support of their rights of ownershi ON FOOD RIGHT FOUNDATION OF HEALTH. TH | Proper food is the foundation of don that side of the room, health, People can eat improper food said the magistrate; “and for a time, until there is a sudden col- other side, Miss Fuller. lapse of the digestive organs; then all Officer Hanks, you hold ‘the dog in the kinds of trouble follow. , vidica wall the dag). ‘The proper way out of the difficulty idle. | Now, you ladies call the dog |. 0 ghift to the pure, scientific food, ;. Ailgaysworny; Grape-Nuts, for it rebuilds from the ealled dice Fulen, [foundation up. A New Hampshire Some to muzzer, Corker dandy,’’ Woman says: called Miss Ward. Last summer I was suddenly taken ‘The bull pup stood there paralyzed, | With indigestion and severe stomach gazing first at one claimant and then at | tfouble, and could not eat food without his apology for a tail moving |RFeat pain. My stomach was so sore I ecentric gasps. ‘Then hedeliberately | Could hardly move about. This ke turned and bit Officer Hanks in the leg. | Until { was so miserable life Court's adjourned,” said Magistrate | Worth living. Barlow. ‘I must send the dog to the| “Then a friend finally, after much hospital and put Hanks in the pound."* | @f@ument, induced me to quit my former diet and try Grape-Nuts. “ Although I had but little faith I “Hear about Jimmy?” asked. the Commenced to use it, and great was my lanky youth with the bat and ball. surprise to find that I could eat it with- "No." responded his chum. "What's out the usual pain and distress in my happened to him? stomach. ; ; “Lots. He found a quarter in de| ‘* So! kept on using Grape-Nuts, and street, went to de ball game, got hit $000 @ marked improvement was shown, wid a ball, an’ den got licked when he| for my stomach was performing its got ho | regular work in a normal way without Gee whiz! I guess dat’s what you'd | Pain or distress, call trouble coming from an unexpected Very soon the yellow coating disap- quarter.""—Exchange. | peared from my tongue, the dull, heavy | feeling in my head disappeared, and my THE THIRD DEGREE. mind felt light and clear; the languid, “Ll understand you tried to work the tired feeling left, and alto; third deg on a Chinamat in turn," sweetsie- t up snot UNEXPECTED. jas if 1 had been rebuilt. rength and swered the New York de-/ weight came back rapidly and I went ‘It was a fearful ordeal."” | back to my work with renewed aml id the prisoner weaken?”” n. “No; but the police are on the verge} ** To-day I am a new woman in mind Af insomnia and nervous prostration."’— | as well as body, and I owe it all to this Wa natural food, Grape-Nuts."” ‘ There's - ——| a Reason. Look in packages for the famous lit- tle book, ‘ The Road to We ington Star, For PRICKLY HEAT Chafing, Sunburn, etc. USE— PACKER’S . TAR SOAP Directions for local treatment: Yo promptly relieve itching and smart- leanse thorou; y with Packer's Soap, then apply a lather and pat NOT EXEMPT. An evangelist was exhorting his hear- arr warn you, there | will be weeping and wailing and gnash- ing of teeth’!"" At this moment at gallery stood up. ‘ “Thave no teeth. “‘Madam,"’ returned the evangelist severely, ‘they will be provided. Id woman in the ir,” she shouted, wath @ towel, repeating, as often as | Success Magazine, fel. “This not only removes acrid J} see ctions, soothes the sensitive TRULY CELESTIAL. mei! © endings j ate relief The Packer Mfg. Co., New York — the skin and gives im “*This novel is heavenly, I ne read one with so many ro- mantic unfortunates and miserable fai | ures in it.""—Fliegende Blaetter. Young lady In answering advertisements please mention Junce. her I felt | AT THE BARBER'S, “You are very bald, si barber to little Binks, as th up his position in the chair, “What's that you say pleasantly. |. “I say you are very bald, sir,’” re- | peated the barber. asked Binks. "said the barber, per did you see that in?” demanded Binks, “What what, sir?"’ asked the barbe “What newspaper?" repeated Binks. ‘I read the Sum, Times, Herald, and World, but I didn’t see any reference to this. Was it in one of the early edi- | tions of the evening papers?” “Was what, sir?” queried the pu: zled barber. said the latter took asked Binks | “This thing you were just telling | me,”* said Binks, “Why, I don't remember you'’— began the barber. |" “About my being bald, you know said Binks, **You said I was very b telling id, didn’t you “Yes,” said the bar put I didn’t mention the newspapers, sir. should it be in the news| | “Why, because it’s news, isn’t it? said Binks. “1 shouldn't say that, sir,”’ said the barter. “Well, if it isn’t news, what in thunder did you tell me about it for?’ demanded Binks, ‘*I supposed you had read about it in one of the papers, and had reached the conclusion that I didn’t know it. If you find a mole under my left ear while shaving me, break it to jme gently, please, and you may omit all mention of the fact that my beard is getting gray. Iam trying to stave off a realization of the’'—— | But just then the barber accidentally ran his lather brush over Binks’s mouth | and the conversation ceased,—Lippin- cott’s., I TOLD YOU so. Little Willie y, pa, what is the meaning of premonition?” | Pa—"Premonition, my, son, is what ails people who are afflicted with the ‘1 told you go’ habit.""—Chicago Ne APODICTIC. | ‘I am determined to go tion!” Whittler looked almost yas he spoke. Cleverton regarded him with a q ‘al look. You have a comfortable home?" he | asked. plendid! on a vaca- Nothing could be bet- te | “And a loving wife?” | oN Studies to please all the t f obtrudes herself, and is silent when desirable.” “You are in good physical “Very. Never felt better. ‘No trouble of any sort, no hidden dition worry that you want to get away from?"" | ‘None whatever. Everything is serene. What, then, is the reason for your going?” Whittler smiled. My d replied, *‘don’t you know th: erything is run- ig amoothly, when there is absolutely no cause for complaint, when you simply couldn't improve on the present condi- tions if you tried—don’t you understand that then the pure and unadulterated cussedness of human nature absolutely demands that something be done to upset the harmony of things? That's why I am going on a vacation, I'm looking for trouble!"’—Thomas L, Masson in | Lippincott's. It will be appreciated. NOW IF HE ONLY HAD A,BOX OF ABSOLUTELY THE PUREST | AND BEST CANDIES (N THE WORLD NO, THANK YOU! During a banquet a certain bishop had, as his left-hand companion, a clergyman who was completely bald. During dessert the bald-headed vicar dropped his serviette and stooped to pick it up. At this moment the bishop, who was talking to his right-hand neigh- bor, felt a slight touch on his left arm. He turned, and, beholding the vicar’s pate on a level h his elbow, said, “No, thank you; no melon!""— York Journal, BY CONTRARIES. | “Well, I discharged my night,” said the long-hnire “Discharged your bo: | “Yep. In adream,”” say dreams go by contra hat’s what I found this morning ~~ Cleve- last boss one, jt [when the boss said good-b: Hand Plain Dealer, PARENTAL PRIDE. “Your boy was just a little—er—wild when he was at college, wasn’t he?” “Oh, yes, he generally was a little wild at first. Couldn't get ‘em over the plate, you know, But he always steadi down before the game was o' Chicago Tribune, PHILIP MORRIS ORIGINAL LONDON CIGARETTES A better cigarette, amore delightful smoke than this, has never been produced 5