Judge — June 19, 1909 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AND THE CRYSTAL GAZER. “Why, the five-dollar fee for reading | your future,"” UNCLE HIRAM HARDAPPLE Uncle Hiram Hardapple, from antucket way, was sauntering old n slong a little side street on the East ‘What? Five dollars for reading this side when he sighted a big gi old scow’s future? Why, ma’am, my that mystified him, The future ain't worth five dollars ! You just wait and iful things I prophesy! yout the gold that is com- “Oh, y hear the U I'll tell you wer the doorway of a I ing to you from across the sea, about rich uncle who will die ds, in foreign and about the bewitching girl » going to marry and” Hold on, ma'am! Me marry ab witching gal! Why, E have been n ried to my old woman for forty yeu the FROM THB FAR In and Hear Your Future; Come Hiram toyed with the shabby of his cowhide valive as if in but that don't say you won't Just give me the five the his city: heck! t queer occupation. I * Hiram brought his boot! heard of deep: Razers and star down with Nantucket determination. azers; but, by the Vineyard light Blow me for a x sh if 1 do. never heard of a crystal gazer. Reads No sirree! 1 never spent five dollars futures, too! Well, 1 wonder ifthe for lawyer fees doctor bills, and 1 future has anything in store for a bar- Know plum well I won't spend it on a nacled, wi ten old collier like fomunt teller? By heck! I’ll go in and see Id man ascended the little flight -worn steps and entered the lit- office. Within there was an atmos- of Oriental mystery, ‘There w ian rugs and Turkish divans and ‘ked-looking scimitars and Moorish fowling-pieces and divers other brie-a brac of the East. In the center of the room stood a silk ser adorned with a flaming red flamingo. Behind the sereen sat a woman in a curious green gown and yellow slippers. Ah, you have come to have m fathom the mysteries of your futur she greeted, arising and offering Uncle Hiram a chair. Well, ma’am,"’ replied the old man, somewhat abashed by his strange sur- roundings, ‘I did think I would like to know a few things that are going to be- fall this old hulk before it turns turtle and sinks in the sea of eternity. “Then just step this way. She led him behind the silk screen and told him to be seated in a queer- Well, how much will you spend?” ifty cents, and not a penny more, all Lever paid at a county fair Can you tell me any- thing for that? “Oh, yes, I can tell you something. Madam Salome said this in a stran tone of voice, but Uncle Hiram did not detect it, Then she raised a silk cover from the teakwood table, and, lo! there “Are you ready to hear your future?” she asked sharpl: o ahead,” chuckled Uncle Hiram; “tell me what is going to happen to me.”" “You shall hear, then, The first thing, you are going to be run over by an automobile, and then your limp body will be picked up and you will be ar- PRESSED HARD. "S$ WEIGHT ON OLD AG corre When prominent men realize the in- jurious effects of coffee and the change in health that Postum can bring, they are glad to lend their testimony for the benefit of others. } A superintendent of public schools in » of the Southern States says: “My mother, since her early child-| hood, was an inveterate coffee drinker, had been troubled with her heart for a number of y and complained of that |‘ weak-all-over’ feeling and sick stom- “Not with inspired and exalted crys-' ach, tal reading,’’ replied Madam Salome “ rather irritably. ‘Black cats go with gypsies and witchery. Now, before I start to read, kindly give me the five dollars." “I say, before I start to read the crystal, give me the five dollars."” “What five dollars, ma’am?"” looking plush chair that stood in front ab of a teakwood Uncle Hiram glanced around swiftly “What is the gentleman looking for?” asked Madam Salome. er—was just thinking you might a black cat around here, ma‘am, plied Uncle Hiram. “1 alw: ht they went with fortune tell- e me time ago I was making an official visit to a distant part of the country and took dinner with one of the merchants of the place. I noticed a somewhat peculiar flavor of the coffee, plied that it was Postum, ** | was so pleased with it that, after the meal was over, I bought a packag to carry home with me, and had wife prepare some for ihe next meal. ‘The whole family were so well pleased with it that we discontinued coffee and used Postum entirely. “Thad really been at times very anx- ious concerning my mother's condition, but we noticed that, after using Postum | for a short time, she felt so much better | than she did prior to its use and had lit- tle trouble with her heart and no sick | stomach, that the headaches were not so frequent, and her general condition |much improved. This continued until she was as well and hearty as the rest of His GREATEST DELIGHT EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT “T know Postum has benefited myself and the other members of the family, Is a cleansing, refreshing shampoo with but not in so marked a degree as in the Packer's p. The beneficial effects case of my mother, as she a victim are immediate; dandruff is removed: of long standing.” Read Road to healthy growth of hair Is stimulated. Wellville,”” in packag There's a thus premature baldness is prevented. PACKER’S TAR SOAP PURE AS THE PINES Reason. ver read the above letter? Anew one appears trom time to time. They are gen- ulne, true, and full of human interest. In answering advertisements p please mention Juncr “GROWING ANY ds a dozen for her “1 do believe those are rain (Continued 0 for being intoxicated on the higk- Great Josephus! I""— Jn the way to the box you are going to slip and fall against the officer, and then be clubbed for trying to resist him.” “Whew!” “Then the patrol wagon is going to be tied up on the way to the station, and the crowd that collects is going to mistake you for the man who tried to | steal Mra. Baumgarten’s baby last year, and they will pelt you with stale vege- | tables and try to string you up to a lamp-post. Merciful” —— Going up the station-house steps, your pockets will be picked and you will 88. Then you will be thrown in the cell with a couple of D. T. pris- oners, and they will proceed to dance on you all night. In the morning the judge will give you ten minutes to out of town, and, if you are caught ging the price of a ferry ti will be given six months in tl house, So you will be comp: swim, for you couldn't reach the bridge! minutes unless you went by air-| in te ship.” The crystal gazer paused for breath, and Uncle Hiram arose from the plush air. “Is—ia that all?” he asked meekly. “Oh, no," hastened Madam “When you finally reach home, you will find that during your absence some of the neighbor's children put kerosene on the cat and burned your house down. Then you will find some one has shot your dog, and your wife has run away with a minstrel man, Then"’- But Uncle Hiram gave a terrific whoop and grabbed his cowhide val “Ma'am,” he implored, ‘don’t tell me any more. Here is your fifty cents, It will be appreciated, ‘alome. | WEATHER.” MIAN | _t HAIN drops, and my umbrella at the of- next page.) '! suppose, if I had only given you a quarter, you would have told me 1 was going to have the black measles, b shanghaied aboard a slave ship, tos overboard and swallowed by a shark, cut out of his stomach alive, and t! hung at the yardarm for being a piral Good-by, ma'am, good-by. And Uncle Hiram took a fresh grip ‘on his valise and hurried down the street, und engaged passage on a fishing smack for his home in peaceful old Nan. tucket. VICTOR A, HERMANN. Philip yMorris Cigarenes ORIGINAL LONDON ' There’s absolutely nothing of the com- monplace about them AMBASSADOR falter dinner size CAMBRIDGE regular size 25c 35 ‘Ep ‘* The Little Brown Box "* comicbooks.com