Judge — June 5, 1909 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“DIPLOMA.” With apologies to Henry Wadsworth nxfellow. HE college year was waning fast, When over Vassar’s campus passed » A maid, who bore with glowing pride A paper with the word in- Her brow was high, her eyes below Sparked out the words, “* I know, I know!"* And loud she made the wel- kin ring With praises of that worldly thing, “ Diploma.” eee RODAMS ~ In many homes she saw the glare HEARD IN JERSEY. Of household duties, filled with care; “ For heaven's sake, quit laughing for a second !"" Above she saw the flash of fame, “Can't. IL bit a chap on his funny-bone—ha, ha, ha !”? And from her lips escaped the name, “ Diploma.”” “Try not the world,”’ the old man “ Dark trials will rest upon your head. How can you hope to win?” he cried. In forceful tones the maid replied, “Diploma.” “* Ah, stay, ** the young man cri Your weary head upon my breast! “Tcannot,”’ was the maid's reply ; “I must ignite the world with my Diploma.”” L’ENVOI. Now in the twilight children play, A husband reads—the usual way; A mother sighs with boundless joy, And thinks of that discarded toy, “Diploma.” PERRINE LAMNERT, VALUABLE INFORMATION ABOUT TAXICABS. I REPLY to many correspondents from the West, the South, and New England, it may be said that a taxicab is a lineal descendant of Captain Kidd on its fa- ther’s side and Jesse James on its mother's. To look at, itis a harmless creature. To read about, it is positively virtuous, But to mon- key with, the triple concentrated ex- tract of Roosevelt's Ananias Club, fisher- men, real-estate agents, mining promoters, NO_DIFFERE, Justice —* What is your name, sir? Prisoner—"* Casey, yet honor.” and autobiographers. Whether this is be- Justice" Your full name cause of sheer willfulness or because it was Prisoner—" Just the same, yer honor, full or sober.” sick with the scarlet fever at the time the rest of the class studied the tables of linear measurement is not SPARKS FROM MARS. clear, but the fact is that a taxicab can get more miles out of three (By Our Own Interstellar Signal System.) blocks than a landlady can get pieces out of a single and it can O: PLANET is still going dry. Talk about prohibition ruffle one’s temper more effectually than the most dipsomaniacal waves? . Jehu that ever cracked a whip or framed an oath. Grand picnic of the Martian Chautauqua League next week, FLLIS 0, JON Red lemonade, red fire, and a red planet, Let us dig your canals!’ We have had thousands of years of practical experience. Mara Contracting Com- pany.—Adv. Some one down on the earth, pr ous boys, have been teasing our lead sun-mirrors. If it continues, we'll come down there and umably mischiev- g citizens with give somebody a spankinj We extend an open invitation to all pay us a visit at their earliest convenien ly welcome, except Abdul Hamid, Castro, and Carrie Nati thlings to Every. Venus flirted with us last night. VICTOR A HERMANN. UPS AND DOWNS. Sox commencement days will come, And the graduates with ease JUST HATCHED. Will act just like thermometers He hasn't scratched yet, but will have to now They ‘Il get there by de comicbooks.com