Judge — March 6, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE HUMBLE CLAM. DOUBTFUL POWDER. VERYBODY has heard of the ov DAY, after listening to a story particularly offensive with clam, for he has of late yeurs age, Lincoln McConnell, the Georgit evangelist, told this: achieved celebrity by lending An old darky went into a store down in Georgia and asked, the use of his name for broth, Say, boss, you got any gun powdah heah?”” a form of warm water used in “Yes, we have gun powder.”” restaurants and soda fountains. “Lemme see some of that theah gun powdah.”” ‘Those who have studied the The dealer showed him some. clam, however, know that he is in reality “Pore a little of that powdah in my hand." a remarkable individual. The old darky took the powder near the light, ran his fore- The clam begins by depositing him- finger around and around in it, looked at it critically, and then He takes out no fire emelled it two or three times. Insurance, and may be seen cccasfonally And you say this heah is powdah?"” squirting out water, as a precaution *Yes,”” answered the dealer sharply against any sparks that might fall inad- is the matter with it?” that is powder, What “but. vertently. “Dunno, bx the darky shook his head doubtfully— The clam in summer wears a sheath hit smells to me like it’s done been shot off befoah."” gown open at the sides, but so modest is he (or she) that it is im- tely closed up at the approach of another person. A WONDER TO HER. Clams have di which they are very fond of dis- Sick landlady (to boarder who has brought her dinner)—" This playing in broad daylight. , makes them very sun- coffee is vile, Is that what you had for dinner?” burned. Boarder—" Y It would be much better if, during thy sunny part of the day, Sick landlady—" Strange what boarders will put up with!"" and always go down through the roof. In their native element they are very much at home, but when seen in. company with human beings they are usually in th way their lives 1. ta MASSON. WHY NOT BE TRUTHFUL? n that might well be nuptial nations.) Jo's present. to the groom was thre: and a mother-in-law.” COULDN'T PREVENT HIM. Miss Gushington (enter ing str ir) Oh, don't get up. Please keep your ase do, Manhattan—* Keal- WHAT CAN A POOR MAN DO? ly, I'd like to oblige you, mad- ursa day at the office, But should he go into the ki am, but I want to get out at nd loud at his wife for p: euieeewan ‘ 5, he is also considered a bru this corner."” to test ee = pi NOTHING DOING. hen to assist and kick ninety cents a dozen s hubby HE lightning-rod agent stopped before the T farmhouse and addressed the old man, who was sitting in the doorway sharpening his jack-knife, “Anything doing in my line to-day, sir? he asked, “I dunno, What's yer line?” farme sked the i | | | | | ightning-rods,"* said the agent, What good be the; demanded the your house from ketchin’ fire xplained the agent hopefully. Git out o° here, gol dern "cried the farmer wrathfully. ‘IT bin payin’ seven dollar ar insurance on this here shack o' mine fer ten years, and nuthin’s happened yet. My luck’s enough as it is without your addin’ to it with How in Heck d back with one our pesky old fandangocs. think I'l ever get my money them things araound? DISCORDANT. (at the piano)—‘*T presume you are a of music, are you not “Yes, Lam; but pray don’t stop play- ing on my a EFFICACIOUS ¢ for removing spots from clothing She removed two five-spots from my trousers pocket with Dill —* Nas your wife a t Puchle Is Kd say she quietness and dispateh Hast ni she ount."* comicbooks.com