Judge, 1909-01-02 · page 3 of 16
Judge — January 2, 1909 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Cartoon**: "The Usual Breakdown, But 1909 Arrives on Time" depicts Father Time's carriage breaking down while delivering the new year—a standard visual joke about the old year's deterioration. **"Swearing On"**: A humorous poem mocking New Year's resolutions, suggesting people make ambitious promises they won't keep (swearing off drinking, gambling, etc.). **"The Pure Food Law"**: An article defending the Pure Food Law (passed 1906), which regulated food safety and labeling. The author defends it against critics who claim American citizens were "kept in ignorance," arguing the law successfully informed consumers about food quality and prices. **"His Daughter Played!"** and other sections appear to be miscellaneous humor pieces about domestic life and parental advice typical of Judge's satirical content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE USUAL BREAKDOWN, BUT 1909 ARRIVES ON TIM SWEARING ON. HERE'S a lot of silly dinning In my ear, That comes at the beginning Of each year, * With admonitory cough, Folks remark, “ You mustn't scoff, But begin your swearing off, Now and he Give up every peccadillo Right away! Hang them on a weeping willow New Year's Day. your habits far from you, Bid your fav’rite faults skiddoo! Cut ‘em out—a day or two, (Let us pray.) Now, such preaching may not hurt you, At its best. And I mustn't turn your virtue Into jest. But I've gotten kind of weary Of the reformation teary, And swearing on 's my theory Of what's best. Though you swear off forty dozen Sins, you'll find Their allurements keep a-buzzin? Through your mind. For it won't outli Of any kind. So swear on every habit That you need; If you see a virtue, grab it Up with speed. » got all you can carry, Old temptations will be wary, Swearing off ’s unnecessary That 's my creed! nunces somnaon. HIS DAUGHTER PLAYED! Wife—" Ican’t understand, John, why you always sit on the piano-stool when we have company. Every- body knows you can’t play a note.” Husband—" I'm well aware of it, dear. can any one else when I'm sitting there. PARENTAL ADVICE. 66 GPARE the rod and spoil the ehild"”— In other words, this teaches, “Don’t spare the child, but spoil the rod Upon his little breeches.”” Neither THE PURE FOOD LAW. CORRESPONDENT who, as near as we can make out from his signature, is imbedded somewhere in the midst of the once solid South, writes to ask if we can give a lucid explanation of the pure food law. Yes, indeed, we can, The pure food law was primarily designed to test the docility and vermiformi- dability of the genus homo Americanus. Before it was spread upon our statute books, we were paying high prices for inferior and adulterated food products, Be- ing generally ignorant of that fact, we were in a state of proverbial bliss. One night at a senatorial gambol, however, two senators with marked sporting proclivities got into an argument over the question whether the American citizen preferred to be gulled or held up outright. As a result a wager was laid, one se: tor maintaining that the American people could be just as easily bamboozled if they knew what they were eating as when they did not know. Thereupon it was a simple matter to get the attention of Mr. Joe Cannon to such a game subject, and he allowed the pure food law to pass. According to its provisions, the people were to be informed just what they were eating. Needless to say, the wager was won by the senator who argued that the people could just as easily be skinned in broad daylight as after dark, for the same things are still sold at the same or higher prices. BLLIN 0, ONKS, THE WAY IT IS GOING. comicbooks.com