Judge, 1908-11-28 · page 6 of 16
Judge — November 28, 1908 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains several short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Self-Protection the First Law"**: A judge charges a man with animal cruelty; the defendant claims he bit a dog back in self-defense. The satire mocks both poor grammar and brutal logic. **"One Happy One"**: Satirizes wealthy society women (likely referencing the real socialite Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish), praising one woman for not chasing money like everyone else—a backhanded jab at materialism among the rich. **"Nerve"**: A brief anecdote where a man asks to borrow his neighbor's gun to kill a dog, then reveals he actually killed the neighbor's dog instead—absurdist humor about audacity. **"An Advance Guard"**: A mother discovers her child stuffed a "Home Protection" book down his pants—mocking parental advice books as unwieldy and impractical. **"Business Before Sentiment"**: A millionaire names his daughter after a breakfast cereal ("Cerealita") for marketing purposes, then renames her Sarah Jane for actual business calculations—satirizing corporate opportunism. **"Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us"**: Martians view Earth's automobiles stirring up dust—mocking the automobile industry's environmental impact.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
€8 of promis day. the earth. of death. S trough of the sea, speech. blackness. of time. NERVE. the limit.” Carsone- MARJORIE WOOD IN “THE CALL OF THE NORTH Why should man by cares be troubled? Why be weary or blase? Joy of fiving can be doubled When you're advertised to play. kept him awake nights. Gebhart—"" Well? SELF-PROTECTION THE FIRST LAW Judge—* You are charged with cruelty to animals. What have you to say?” Tough Thompson—"* Well, w'en a dawg bite me, jedge, 1 gwine ter bite back, I is." ONE HAPPY ONE. “Money doesn’t count a bit with me." Mra, Stuyvemant Fish, H, HAPPY lady! How good it is Bh sed she ‘To be the one Who doesn’ Who doesn’t want For X or V, To jump and run While everywhere Wheneve ‘The rest Anywhere around Just yearn to ‘The jingling needful An octopus, Makes a sound, The wide, wide world, o Excepting her, Is out to grab The sinister And shifting stuff, Which xeems to be Mankind is rushing Ah, happy lady! ‘To and fro, It is well To swipe the seads ‘That mor That come and gro: Not w kex pursuit On her a His constant Ab, v And bows befor That more of us The Demon Wad. Were more like her! WANTED. A PAIR of suspenders for breach- Springs for the ocean's bed. Plaster to mend the break of A barber to shave the face of A dentist to work on the jaws horses to feed from the A few seeds from the flower of A pen that will write with inky A pair of corsets for the waste Carsone—" Talking of nervy men, my neighbor, Smith, is about Gebhart—" What's he done He called ov terday morning to borrow my gun, B'S, FAVORITE. saying he wanted to kill a dog that Carsone—** He killed my dog!"" Son AN ADVANCE GUARD. Irate mother—'* What you got stuffed in your pants?" “* A book called * Home Protection." ** BUSINESS BEFORE SENTIMENT. 'T WAS a girl at the home of the Battle Creek millionaire, and the q now was the name, Everything, from Abigail to Zoe was rejected, until a poet, who was present, mentioned ** Cerealita."” Instantly there was a great acelaim— the question was settled. But Mr. Offlewod shook his head and wrote in a little notebook,‘ After all,”” he said, “it is but a baby’ girl. There are millions in this name for our new breakfast food, composed of equal parts of pine shavings, parched excelsior, and shredded saw logs, and business is busi- ness."" So they named the baby Sarah Jane. tion IN THE DAYS OF THE PAST. AND in hand, with the march of time, Come many sweeping changes. The stoves that prehistoric man once used Were simply mountain ranges. Pd. 2 r- WS Prose “SEEING OURSELVES AS OTHERS SEE US The way the world looks to the astronomers of Mars since the automobiles _ began to stir up the dust. comicbooks.com