Judge — November 28, 1908 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE BABY GRAND. HE Baby Grand was not so bad; ‘The music made was gay and glad; And though we have the next-door flat, We didn’t mind a thing like th For music is our fad. HenoleR, A year of melody we had, And then there came a little lad. The stork, he brought him, lusty, fat— The Baby Grand! And oh! our walls we've had to pad— The music's wild, the music ’s sad. And father cries, ‘* Oh, darn that brat !"* But mother, bless her! says quite pat, “The Baby Grand! WALTER BEVERLEY CRANE. A MAN'S OPINION. 66 JF we had women for judges the lady with the square jaw, divorces would be granted."* replied the horrid man. ‘ They'd be so eager to hear the scandalous details that it would never be possible to get all the evidence in.” * said ‘few THE CORRESPONDENCE COLUMN. HE SPOKE TQO LATE, F ALL the institutions great for making people wise, Page—* She ain't in, sit The very greatest one of all is ** Queries and Replies,”” Caller—* Come, tell me the truth and Ull give youa dollar. 1: she in?” The correspondence column of the Feminine Gazette, Page— You should have spoken before, sir. She gave me fifty cents For Madame Claire, who writes that part, is wisdom’s special pet. _to say she was out, and I can't be a traitor.” Her answers settle ev'ry doubt with perfect satisfaction, So ** Old Subscriber '’ merely needs to put them into action! Zz ——— One rule, quite neat, cures swollen fect, is nese Lavawa The next will soothe a lovelorn heart; Rt Samir Tome hen come replies on killing flie: a ‘And whether Browning is true art. For never mind how big a woe or knotty question may arise, Itnever yet feazed Madame Claire, whose wisdom rare, Can settle all, though great or small, In “ Queries and Replies.”” No doubt great Solomon was wise and knew a thing or two, But did he know that ermine furs should be wrapped up in blue? And could he tell just how to make upon a simple plan A very stylish hatpin case from any old tin can? Ah, Man! proud Man! must own at least this little limitation— It takes a Madame Claire to guide the women of the nation, Her judgments clear, they all will hear, For instinct tells her all their needs, And so we find that womankind With confidence her column reads, For since there's magic in a name, and in French names most magic ‘THE HEATHEN CHINEE. i a te Is it a wonder that we abhor the Chinaman? He has successfully ac- ict is hid that Madame Cl: with wisdom rare, quired the much-hated cigarette habit, robbed the faithful Iwasherwoouan Is just a myth, and Billy Smith of her honorable profession, and now, “bad luck to him!" he even deprives Writes ** Queries and Replies.” FRank n.watton. the miserable clothesline of its duties. “THE EARLY BIRD—" Manager— I suppose you noticed that” my advertisement read ‘ None but a sober man need apply for this position '?”” Applicant —*' Yes, I noticed that, and that’s why I applied very early in the morning.” EASILY OBLIGED. Tramp—“' Say, boss, can yer tell a feller where he kin get fifteen cents fer a bed Old gentleman (dealer in sec- ond-hand furniture) —‘* Certainly, my good man. Bring the bed to me, and if it is worth fifteen cents I'll buy it.” ALL HE ASKED. 66 AND what," asked one of the once-famous actor's friends as he bent beside the bed, ‘‘ would you like to have carved on your tombstone? Is there not some sen- KNEW HE HAD IT. timent which you wish to have used The cheerful one— You can't eat your cake #8 your epitaph? os ‘ § and have it, too." “Yes,” the dying man replied. OF REASONS. “Hello, old man! What are you doing in this The dyspeptic swallowing a couple of digestive se bot it be thins ‘It never = tabletsd— Vou can't, ch? That's all you know“ Let it be this: ‘ It never was nec: about it." secluded corner? “Laying in weight for myself.”” essary to give him a benefi comicbooks.com