Judge — July 11, 1908 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LUNAK INHABITANTS ARE THEIR CHILDREN, ON WOoMs FOND OF POINTING OUT ‘TO A CLEAR NIGHT, “THE HE EARTH.” THE DEGREE OF PUNISHMENT. ITTLE Bobby had been persistently mischievous throughout the and late in the afternoon his mother decided to stop the young- ster’s antics. “Bobby, if you do not cease annoying me, I shall send you to bed * whe warned, without your supper,” seriously,‘ would you mind telling me what supper? FIRST AISLE TO THE LEFT. * Johnny, Teacher Johnny where is the Isle of Man? “In the gent’s furnishin’ WON BY A NOSE. The royal chof—“ How ll you have him, your majesty ?” The cannibal bing—" The chif—* In what way The king That rammy s heen evading the pure-food laws.” “That nose wever achieved its brillant hue without the aid of coloring matter.” WHAT WE'RE COMING TO. HEN William Taft is President, heigho! In 1909 W How styles will change! No one of us will then train down too fine. Horse jockeys will begin to stuff, and ere they go their rounds Each one will have to tip the scale at full two hundred pounds. May Irwin will not have to bant in one continuous Lent, But she can amble out and sing, when Taft is President. Thin men of every shape and size will hide themselves away. 8 will be tabooed, all diets be passé, will be mobbed. Each girl we love must be rotund ecstasy. cllied aeronauts must steer balloons they represent. All cooks must sleep in double beds, when Taft is President. The corporations will not be confined to just a few, But all the common people will have corporations, too. 1 No one will dare to worry, though in debt we'll gayly smile, For we might lose flesh by worry, and we wouldn’t be in style; And though hard times are coming and we're broke, we'll still present Our joyful curves to all the world, when Taft is President, —r. 1. ». A CLASSIC CEREAL. 66 ARE you familiar with the ‘Autocrat of the Breakfast Table’?’* queried the visiting Western school teacher of the Boston landlady, “No, ma’am,”” replied the landlady as she passed the oatmeal. “There's such a slather of them newfangled breakfast foods now that a body can’t keep the run of them."” THE USUAL WAY. Jack— We furnished our flat with soap premiums." Fred—* Good idea, old man! But how in the world did you ever get enough furniture in that wa Jack—* Oh, that’s easy. We furnished one room—the rest of the rooms are full of soap."” LOU ROGERS ‘TWO OF A KIND. er pickin’ pockets. Wot you in fer?" 5” A PHILOSOPHICAL POEM. HAT a wonderful thing is one’s nose— The guide to wherever one goes. It bows low when we pray, And is first in the fray, And it tells, with its smells, all it knows, What remarkable things are one’s ears— Undismayed by whatever appears. Though they keep far apart, They are loyal at heart— | Each tells one whatever it hea And consider one’s fingers and tocs— f Arranged, five together, in rows. If they grew on one’s back, What convenience we'd lack— And one couldn't lie down, I suppose. RANDOLPH MARTLEY. TWO A.M. MAXIMS. N ICY reception befits a skate. A pickled husband gets into family jars. People who live in stone houses should throw down the glass. Half a bun is better than low bred. Little pitchers hold long beers. The wages of gin is breath. ——————_——,.—__.— Perensen [[ is reported that last Sunday, at Swamphurst, N. J., two mosquitoes became intoxicated with rage at a mosquito bar. comicbooks.com