Judge — June 27, 1908 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

en AN EARLY POLICY. HEN Eve began to rule mankind, Back ina luckless hour, Beyond the bounds that had been set, She seized the reins of power. She started in to clean the house With racket past forgiving; The very fairest time of year She made not worth the living. With muck-rake, mop, and broom and pan, She raised a dust and clutter; She drove poor Adam from his roof And skimped his bread and butter. And even when her time was run, Conspicuously branded, She saw to it her policies pa Were to successors handed. MCLANDBUKGH WILSON. MURPHY'S DILEMMA. URPHY, evidently under the weight of a hilarious jag, was zig- zagging his way along the country road, Mecting a minister of the gospel, he straightened himself up and asked, “Can yez tell me how fur is’t frum here to White Plains?” “About four miles,’ answered the clergyman; “ but, my good man, you have a long road before you.”” “It ain’t th’ lin’th of th’ road that's thrubblin’ me at all, at all, yer rivirence,”” hiccoughed Murphy. ‘It’s th’ width of it.”” TOGETHER. 66 MIKE: don't you and Pat pull together?" “Shure, we do, sorr, but it’s in opposite directions,” SHE IS PAST PRAYING FOR “'ll pray for ye, pretty lady.” * Poor fellow ! come here and I'll give you two cents.” REFLECTIONS OF UNCLE EZRA. JHEY say truth is stranger than fiction, and, by I gravy! it ought to be, because it is a blame sight scarce! Since Amos Hilliker has had the mumps, his whiskers is too small and don’t fit Doc, Hanks attends most all the in this vicinity, which is quite appropriate is a veterinary surgeon. I never see acorn doctor that didn’t wear a plug hat and a dyed mustache, nor a temperance lecturer that didn’t have a red nose. Don’t poke fun at the old maids. An old maid of thirty may be a charmin’ young widder at thir- ty-five, with a life-insurance roll that would choke a hippypotmus, By gum! I thought summer had come sure when I heard the crickets hollerin’ all one evening last week; but, come to find out, it was only Hod ony Purdy settin’ on the church steps, windin’ his new dollar watch. Hod’s Broadeway—* Well, he believes in raising it just the same.” A CUTTING “There's an artist who doesn’t believe in growing new Watch is guaranteed to run one year, and Hod says it ought to, for it takes about one year to wind it up. Amos Hilliker has always wanted to see what kind of a lookin’ critter an end-seat hog was, and the last time he was down to New York he went into every meat market in town, but couldn't find one Rev. Hardscrabble expects to take a vacation from his duties at the Hard Shell meetin'-house this summer and ac- cept a lucrative position as second engineer on Hank Fris- by’s thrashin’ machine, if he can get it. The last time Hod Purdy sent down to New York for quinine, they sent it to him in capsules. Hod says he don't like to get it in capsules, for it takes too long to shuck ‘em before takin’, It is purty near as hard on the teeth as eatin’ peanuts. The weather man reports that we have had three inches of rain this spring in our vicinity. Cal Stebbi our gentle- manly and congenial blacksmith, says the weather man is a NO GROUNDS FOR LYING liar, as he has got more than seven feet in his cistern already. Waiter, waiter! this coffee tastes like lye. ee ae eee wna: Our village board has had a group picture taken. Now Waiter" Well, to tell you the truth, it is four parts lye. We serve it that way we know why they are always called the common council. to dissolve the sandwich, so it can be digested." ROY K. MOULTON, comicbooks.com