Judge — December 7, 1907 — page 37: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GLACIALIZING AN AUGUST DAY WAS a hot, sultry August day, and immediately after breakfast the author hurried to his room and prepared to do some work, He figured that he would turn out at least one hun- dred dollars’ worth of Christmas stories during the day, it being the time of year when there is a demand for that stuff. For some time, however, he racked his brain for ideas that would not come, and finally he threw down his pencil in disgust and began nervously pacing the room. “ How can a fellow ever get any Christmas inspiration with "Tt was a hot, sultry August day." the thermometer at ninety-eight in the shade?” he muttered to himself as he mopped his perspiring brow. +Christ- mas indeed! Probably if | went down and crawled into the ice-box I might imagine it was Christmas weather and get a few hints, but not otherwise. This will never do, though, with my room-rent so far behind, and I can’t keep dodging my landlady much longer. I'll make a stab at something.” He returned to his work, and after a little thought began to write as follows, with an occa- sional side remark to himself: “+t was a cold, bleak December day. (It doesn’t seem possible there ever was a cold day. Gee, but such heat!) Lola, the match-girl, stood shivering in front ofa big department-store. (Lucky Lola! My kingdom for a shiver !) Oh, how Lola shivered, (That's music to my ears, and T must ring it in often.) As she stood there shivering — ¢ like a lost dog—shivering like a hyena in a blizeard—shivering like‘ “Oh, rats, there's no use!" groaned the au- thor, as he rose again and began pacing up and down, “I'll have to put off Christmas matter until later, I certainly can’t do anything in such heat as this. I'll just "—— shiveri BETTING ON A SURE THING. Fack—“I'm going to receive a great many cigars and half a dozen pipes on Christmas.” Tom—" What makes you think s6 2” Fack—" Why, I stopped smoking two days ago.” HE WENT IN DEEP. Briggs— Hear the church chimes. What do they remind you of ?” Diggs (who has gone in pretty heavily for Christmas presents) — «They remind me of the bell of a cash-register !" “The landlady's visit had furnished the necessary glacial atmosphere.” He was interrupted by a loud knock on the door, but he stood perfectly still and made no reply. Pretty soon the knock was repeated, and a harsh voice called, “Mr, Penly, words with ye.” “ My landlady !" he whis- pered as he turned pale and began to tremble, “Thank heavens the door is securely locked 1" Mr. Penly,” she called again as she rattled the door- knob and tried to force an en- trance to the room, “you mis- erable lantern-jawed, knock- kneed, four-eyed old skinflint t by not payin’ yer rint 2” “And she's been at the gin-bottle, too!" gasped the frightened author. “What chance would T have if she ever got hold of me while in that condition “D’ye intind to answer me, ye old dead- beat? Hand out me money, or I'll come in and scratch yer eyes out !" The woman waited a few minutes longer for a reply, but as none came she muttered threat- eningly to herself and finally staggered down stairs. Penly stood trembling for some time after she had gone, and as he thought of the narrow es- cape he had had, the shivers began creeping up and down his spinal column. He felt cold from head to foot, and his teeth were chattering as if from a chill, Suddenly he thought of his work again, and, wth a cry of joy, he sat down and began to dash off Christmas matter with the great- est of ease. The landlady’s visit had furnished the necessary glacial atmosphere, and he found it easy to think of winter and frosts and other Yuletide subjects. I'd like a few “*Oh, rats, there's no use!" "* What d'ye mean THE USUAL MEANING. “ wat does it mean when a ten-dollars-a-week clerk sends a girl a dozen roses at ‘twelve dollars per’ for Christmas ?” «Tt usually means that he has pawned his watch.” A MISSED OPPORTUNITY. He—« Why did you get so angry when I kissed you only once under the mistletoe ?” She— It seemed to me you were a man who would never take full advantage of your opportunities.” UNCLE GOTROX FORGETS THAT CHILDREN GROW OLDER AS THE YEARS PASS. Uncle Gotrox remem- bers his two nephews and two nieces in Texas— —But—unfortunately fails to remember that time files. comicbooks.com