Judge, 1907-12-07 · page 19 of 48
Judge — December 7, 1907 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century American social customs and business practices: **"His Nightmare"** ridicules the Christmas tipping culture—a man tips everyone from elevator operators to apple vendors, then nightmares that Christmas comes weekly. The satire targets the financial burden and absurdity of obligatory seasonal tipping. **"That Was Different"** mocks a gas company's arrogant customer service. A customer disputes a $1.50 bill, but the company representative refuses to acknowledge any possibility of error, insisting their employees are infallible. The joke concludes when the customer reveals he *should* have been charged $10—the company man "collapses," humbled. **"Not the Fashion"** jokes about social exclusion: Mrs. Brownley wasn't invited to a Christmas party because she insisted on bringing her four children, violating proper etiquette for adult social gatherings. All three pieces satirize contemporary social anxieties: financial obligations, corporate arrogance, and rigid class-consciousness in holiday entertaining.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIS NIGHTMARE. T WAS the day before Christmas, and before he went home from the office he distributed tips as follows : He tipped the elevator men. He tipped the office-boys. He tipped the janitor. He tipped the scrubwoman. He tipped the window cleaner. He tipped the barber. He tipped the bar-tender. He tipped the waiter. He tipped the cigar clerk. He tipped the bootblack. He tipped the newsboy. He tipped the apple woman. On his way home he stopped in the baker's, the grocer’s, the butcher's, and the creamery, and handed out a few more tips to the clerks who attended to his orders. That night he groaned and moaned so in his sleep that his wife became alarmed, and she awakened him to ask, ** What's the matter, Charles? Are you ill ?” No, dear,” he replied ; «it’s only nightmare. a terrible dream ** What did you dream, Charles ?” **I—1 dreamed that Christmas came once a week !" I have had such THAT WAS DIFFERENT. “H LL + Well 2" Is this the gas company ?” Yes.” “ My gas bill for last month is $1.50." “Well? + That is away off, and "—— ++ Just one moment, please. Well?” “In the first place, our men who read the meters are not in the habit of making mistakes.” «But you see, we "—— +" We employ capable fellows who know their business, and it is utterly impossible for a mistake to be made. They turn in their figures after a careful examination of the meter, and a most competent office force here does the rest. If you were charged $1.50 for gas last month, you may be dead certain that you burned exactly that much and no more.” “ But I wanted to"—— ARGUMENT PRO AND CON. He—"' I've caught you under the mistletoe."* Sne—" If you kiss me I'll scream.” He—" But if you scream the people will hear you."* ‘Sue—" And if | don't scream, how will they know I've been kissed ?”" ‘There is no use declaring your house has been closed and you have been out of town. The bill will have to be paid or we will take out your meter.” “Oh, I'm perfectly willing to pay the $1.50." “Then what are you kicking about 2” “And this is not a kick.” “Tt isn’t?” “No. I merely wanted to state that we burned gas night and day during the month, owing to sickness, and that the bill should have been at least $10. Of course, if you don’t want to correct it, I'm per- fectly satisfied. How about it ?” But the man in the gas office had collapsed. NOT THE FASHION. Mr. van Resster: Why wasn't Mrs, Brownley invited to the Christmas-tree ?" Mrs. van Resster—" Because she erratically insisted on bringing the four little Brownleys.”” comicbooks.com