Judge — December 7, 1907 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE BEAR SANTA IN TEDDY-BEAR LAND, ENDING FOR A FASHIONABLE NOVEL THE END. YLVESTER CLAUDE CANTE- LOUPE was a twin on his mother's side. As you have learned in the previous chapters, he was deeply in love with Constance Buttermilch. How deep, our surveyor has not yet found out, Constance owned a father who was president of a brew- ery whose capacity was about five hundred thousand kegs of beer, We are talking about the capacity of the brewery and not of Constance’s father. The figure would be far too small for the latter. Constance had dreamy eyes that looked like a pair of peach pits set’ in a pumpkin, and her hair looked as if it had been dyed with stale beer. But despite her faults, Claude loved her. reciprocate. Unable to gain an entrance into her heart, he called on a gypsy fortune-teller in City Hall Park and begged her to find out.through the He was informed by the attendant But, alas! she did not planets how he could win her. that the planets were out at present on a little business, but would return shortly, Be seated, please. Claude sank into one of the heavily upholstered chairs. menced to sink so decp that he held onto the arms of the chair so that he wouldn't go over his head. He sat facing the window that looked out of the fifty-fourth story of a modern sky-scraper. Air-ships and private flying-machines were floating hither and thither ; mostly hither, Suddenly coming from nowhere in particular he saw the private air-ship of Miss Buttermilch. He knew it was hers because he saw the crest and coat-of-arms of the family on the side of it—a sausage cou- chant and a pretzel rampant. As it drew nearer he saw that the aérial rig contained Miss Constance Buttermilch, the girl whom he adored. And by the pained look in her face he saw that she had lost con- trol of the machine and the thing was running away with her. Sylvester Claude was upon his feet in a minute. Buttoning up his coat to hide a three-day growth of heard, he dashed through the It was plain glass but stained with his blood. He com- stained glass, Getting outside the window he awaited the approach of the wild air-ship, and when it got directly opposite, he ran out to it and, grab- bing it securely by its steel bow, he brought it to a sudden stop. Then he whistled to a policeman down below for assistance. As the policeman was a fly cop he had no trouble in reaching them. Giv- ing Claude a calling down, they landed on terra firma, or thereabouts. When Constance saw who had rescued her, she threw her arms about his neck and wept. Big tears fell from her eyes, and they kept falling so thick and fast that before a life-preserver could be thrown to him Sylvester Claude was drowned. Thus two lives were spared the agony of marriage. THE WHY OF IT. Ce WHY." asked the weary-looking man of the chap who hat! been talking an hour without saying anything, ‘is a human being different from a suit-case ?” “«Tdon’t know,” answered the gab-artist. « Because,” continued the a + Why 2” weary-looking man, with a mean- ing glance, “ when there's nothing in it, it is most easily shut up.” THE MISTLE-PTO. {4 PAPA.is thismistietoe poison?” «Yes, Johnnie.” “If Leat a berry will it make me sick ?* * Yes, Johnnie ; it will.” “Weill, what will [ have ?” “You'll have mistle-ptomain poisoning, my son.” HE GOT IT. HE*s a poor man but a con- tented one, Santa Claus came to him and said, “What do you want, my friend ? « Nothing,” he replied. And Santa Claus was so pleased that he gave it to him and passed on, HANDICAPPED. “Gee! how I wisht | had an educa- tion. I want to write to Santa Claus fer an air-gun and an automobile and I can't spell ‘em."* comicbooks.com