Judge — December 7, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“MARIAR” GETS A GRAND SQUARE HEY said their name was Perkins, and that they were from Podunkville, and they insisted on shaking hands with the salesman in the music-store who came forward to take their order, Then the woman asked, “Do you keep pianners 2” “Well, a few of them, ma‘am,” smiled the salesman, with a wave of his hand at the forty or fifty instruments in plain sight around them. ** We've cum to buy Mariar a pianner fur Christmas,” announced the husband. «She's our darter.” “<1 see, sir, Well, you couldn't present a young lady with anything on Christmas that \ A would give her more pleasure, Something, too, —<—, that will last a life-time.” VAT “Lain’t so sartin of that,” spoke up the wo- Tl man again, * When I was a gal we bought a organ that the man said would last forever, but it didn’t. Of course once the roof fell in on it, and once it got full of rain-water—and then meb- be pianners is stronger than organs. Pa traded it fur a calf when it was ready to fall to pieces, and "—— “If you'll just follow me, please,” broke in the salesman as he led the way to the back of the store. ‘Now, how would you like a beautiful instrument of this kind ?” “Is that a pianner?” asked the man, “Yes, this is called an upright, and it is one of our good makes. This instrument is valued at two hundred and fifty dollars.” “Good lands, but I wanter know !" ejacu- lated the man from Podunkville, while his wife was apparently too astonished to express the sur- prise she felt. « Why, great snakes, we kin git an organ fur eighteen dollars over at Skinner's Creek jest as big as that, but we wanted sunthin larger.” “Oh, you are probably looking for one of “One of them like you see in the opery-hous a a the opery-house ? e old square make ?" NOTHING DOING. What did your wife give you for Christmas?" Nothing. "She said she didn’t have enough trading stamps "" + T guess this is the style you mean,” said the salesman as he led them to another part of the store. “Yep, them's pianners,” declared the woman knowingly. + Lands, but ain't that one with the big legs purty, Hezekiah 2” “ Purty asa pictur’! What might that one be wuth ?" “ You can have that, sir, for forty dollars. You must understand, though, that it’s a very old-style instrument.” “ By gum, but ain't she a bargain !" exclaimed the old farmer as he patted the clumsy affair and looked it over admiringly. ‘Ma, there’s sum lumber in that pianner, I'm a-teliin’ you.” “Tnever seen an eleganter one, Hezekiah.” The salesman walked away a short distance to let them talk it over, and when he was out of hearing the woman whispered, “ Hezekiah, I ain't never done nothin’ wrong yit, when I knowed it wuz wrong, and I ain’t goin’ to begin now.” “What you drivin’ at, ma 2” “ At this pianner. You don't ‘spose a big, fat pianner this size PIANO SALESRvOrM “+ Oh, you are probably looking for one of the old square make, one of them like you see In kin be sold fur forty dollars, when that skinny one he fust showed us is two hundred and fifty dollars, do you 2” “It do seem purty queer.” “ Why, of course it do, Hezekiah, and when the mistake wuz dis- kivered this poor clerk, who may have a large family to keep, would be discharged. No; he’s got these pianners mixed, and we can't hev it on our conscience: The matter was explained to the salesman, and he was given every opportunity to correct any mistake that had been made, but it was finally necessary to call the proprietor to assure the couple that they could have the larger piano for the price named. When the sale had been made the happy purchasers shook hands with the salesman again, and as they were leaving the store the man from Podunkville said to his wife, “Great snakes, but only forty dollars fur a pianner that will nigh fill the hull parler, and lay over anythin’ of the kind in the county ! It’s punkin seeds to doughnuts that Mariar will swoon right down on the floor when she sees her Christmas present bein’ dragged into the house !"" Am Lewis. DISINTERESTED PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. 64 BRING me that beefsteak pot-pie "— “ Yassah,” said the dining-car waiter, listening near by. “ And bring me some of those French pease ”. “Yassah ; but boss, maybe you-all don’t know dey’s French pease in dat pie. “No, I didn't. Thanks, George. And—ah—and—ah, then bring me some potatoes "—— “ Yassah, boss ; but maybe you-all didn’t know dey’s tatehs, too, in dat pie.” “No, Ididn't, Thanks again, George, It’s. mighty nice of you to keep me from buying a lot of stuff 1 wouldn't want.” “Yassah, Ah reckon it’s mahty nice o’ me t' do dat, boss. Ah's seen so many, m-a-n-y people—nice gemmens, lak you-all — was'e money fo’ veg’tables dat might jus’ as well ‘a’ been handed over to th’ waiteh, Yassah, Ah sho’ has.” comicbooks.com