Judge — November 30, 1907 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN UNFORTUNATE COMBINATION. “Instead of my initials, ‘M. W.," | want a monogram.” POST-THANKSGIVING FABLES. QNCE upon a time a Farmer was passing the Barnyard when he heard the Turkeys weeping and wailing, while the other Fowls were Expressing the Deepest sympathy for Them. He listened for a Few moments, and then Demanded to know what it was All about. “Oh, sir,” replied one of the Birds, “why is it that Mankind is Down on us so?” “1 dunno as we air,” said the Farmer. “ Thar ain’t nuthin’ Man- kind loves more’n a Turke “T understand that,” went on the Bird with a Sickly smile; “ but we'd just as soon You didn’t think Quite so much of us. Every Thanksgiving we are Slaughtered right and left. Why don’t you Get after the Chickens, or Geese, or Pigeons? They don’t have to Worry when Thanksgiving comes around.” “Wa-al, T'll tell ye. The Chickens and Geese and Pigeons have to Worry all the Year round, becuz they ‘Never know when They are Going to git it in the Neck; but you Fellers need only Feel uneasy round Thanksgivin’ time. See the p'int?” ‘ Thereupon the Turkeys dried their Tears and Began to express their Deepest sympathy for the other Fowls. Moral—Our lot is never so hard but that it might be worse. Once upon a time the Land- lady of a Boarding-house pur- chased a Fine and Juicy piece of Roast beef for Thanksgiving, and ske Figured the boarders would be Highly delighted with it. When they Learned, however, what they were to Have for their Thanks- giving dinner, they Went to Her in a Body and Gave her to under- stand that they had Not been diet- ing for seyeral Days only to Make up for Lost time on Roast beef. “What do you want, then?” she asked. “Turkey! turkey! turkey!” they shouted. Good old Turkey ! Give us Turkey, and Plenty of it!” So the Landlady, with a Smile that Meant much, went out and invested a Good sum in Turkeys for Thanksgiving, and the Board- ers fairly stormed the dining-room A REPROOF. dreadful for you to lose so much money gambling.’ Do you want me to renounce the card-table?” No, dear: 1 want you to play a better game.” “1 said a monogram, not the picture of a hat-rack!"" doors an Hour before Dinner-time in their Eagerness to be on Hand when the Carving began. The next day they had Turkey-hash from what was left over, the Day following it was Turkey-croquettes, the day after that Turkey-stew, and for Some time it was Turkey in some form or other, until the Boarders got Down on their Knees and Pleaded with the Landlady to change the Bill-of-fare. Moral—You can always get too much of a good thing, even in a boarding-house. Once upon a time there was a Certain man who Declared he had Nothing to be Thankful for, He was Wailing and Lamenting when an Optimist came along and Said, “Now, this has Gone far Enough, old chap. We all have our Troubles, but yet there is Al- ways something to be Thankful for if we will only look for it.” “Cut it out—cut it out !" an- grily exclaimed the other. “If you had this Boil on your neck could you Find something to be Thankful for ?" “Certainly, I'd be thankful it wasn’t a tumor or carbuncle,” “ But if you had lost on stocks what I have recently could you find Something to be Thankful for ?” “Certainly. I'd be Thankful Thad a Dollar left.” “But, say, if you had ar- ranged a big Thanksgiving din- ner, like we have, and the Hired girl suddenly left, like Ours has, would You still Think you had something to be Thankful for?" “Ofcourse. I'd be thankful that "—— But at this juncture the other man landed hard on the nose of the optimist. Moral—It’s dead easy to be optimistic—when the other fellow is in trouble. AD, LEWIS. ‘THE FINAL TEST. Binks—«Is Jenkins the kind of aman who will stand up for his friends?" Banks—“ Yes, indeed—any- where except in a street-car.” Stella— Marry for love and you divorce for money.” Bella—“And marry for mon- ey and you divorce for love.” comicbooks.com