Judge — November 16, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FOOLOSOPHY. PROFIT by toss. Cold feet—warm heart. There's no vaccination against the love-germ. In getting: ahead the first thing to get is a head. None of us are hard of hear- ing when money talks. A good ad. is like tobacco- juice in the eye, in that it attracts the whole attention, Some men realize success without finding that goose-with- the-golden-egg habit. OORT CARLTON BROWN. NATURALLY. I ASKED her to be mine. She said, ‘Please ask my dear mamma I did—and ere three months had sped I was her dear papa! HOW IT STRUCK JOHNNIE. Mamma (finding her son out in a lie)—* Johnnie, you should never tell a lie. Always emulate Washington, A lie never passed his lips.” Joknnie—"No. 1 suppose he talked through his nose.” THE CAUSE WAS THE CURE. First flatter —“What on earth was that awful shaking in this building last night 2” Second flatter—* De Jagges, who lives on the twenty-ninth floor, came home with the hic- coughs. First flatter—" Well, but there were only two or three shocks.” Second flatter — Sure. You see, when things began to shake, de Jagges thought it was an earthquake, and it scared his hiccoughs out of him. TO BE, OR NOT TO BE. I'd rather be a Covld-Be For a Could-Be is a Maybe, With a chance of touching par. I'd rather be a Has-Been Than a Might-Have-Been, by far For a Might-Be is a Hasn't-Been, But a Has was once an Are. ON CONCLUSIONS. [7 DOESN'T pay to jump at conclusions. Once we had a dog that had a bad habit of jumping at conclusions, When he had no other animal's conclusion to jump at he would go round and round in a circle for half an hour at a time, trying to reach his own conclusion. That puppy would wait until a cow had gone past and then jump wildly at her conclusion, As is the custom of people similarly afflicted, once he reached a conclusion he hung to it till he was kicked loose. As is usual also with people of similar proclivities, he was a dash-gummed nuisance. But one day that hasty pup jumped at a big, thoughtful bay mule’s conclusion, and the next day we had to get a brand-new The old one wasn’t even worth repairing. ; it doesn’t pay to jump at conclusions. dog. THE RESULTS. [PON the yellowed fly-leaf of an old Bible found in the corner- stone of an old mission recently torn down the following lines appear in a small, quaint handwriting : “« King David and King Solomon Led merry, merry lives With many, many lady friends ‘And many, many wives. When old age crept over them, With many, many qualms King Solomon wrote the Proverbs And King David wrote the Psalms.” WHERE THE SHOE PINCHED. $50 your wife eloped with the coachman? I'm so sorry !" “So am I—James was such a good coachman.” NEW ENGLAND THRIFT. “1 thought your family used no tea."* Mrs. Dinwiooie | buy it only on account of getting Mrs. Wineoinote—"' They don't. free chinaware.”” INNOCENCE BETRAYED. SCRIBBLER'S writings were often rejected ; But, since he has taken a wife, He's had more of his stories accepted ‘Than ever before in his life. t that he writes any better; No. The reason I'm sorry to state: They are stories—believed to the letter— He tells her when coming home late. GEORGE aiKDSEVE. SUPREME TEST. Mrs, Knicker—* The President professes very high ideals." Ars. Bocker— Just the same, I'll bet he would write a glowing reterence for a bad cook.” REGULAR DINNER SHE WAS KIND. “She refused me, but would give no reasons. “Yes; she always shows a charitable disposition.”* comicbooks.com