Judge — November 9, 1907 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE OCEAN-LINER OF THE FUTURE. FEW extracts taken at random from the information-card of the new octuple-screw steamship Dementia: “The chief-of-police and the superintendent of the detective- bureau have offices on the main deck of the steamship. Complaints, if any, of robberies, lost jewels, and general disturbances should be reported immediately. A justice of the peace is constantly on hand for the swearing out of warrants. Hearings are held every morning before a duly-authorized magistrate.” “The stock-exchange is located in the main cabin, aft of the dining-salon. The latest quotations from London, New York and Paris are received by ticker. Wireless-telegraph service is maintained between the steamship and all important commercial centres in the United States and Europe.” “The attention of the passengers is called to the admirably- equipped department-store forward. The store runs through seven decks, and contains a large quantity of mer- chandise of the high- est quality. The prices compare favor- ably with those of English and Ameri- can shops.” “A children’s cir- cus is given every aft- ernoon on the quar- ter-deck aft of the main salon. A very pleasing entertain- ment is presented, with trained dogs, ed- ucated monkeys, cute little ponies, and fun- ny clowns as the prin- cipal performers.” “Morning news- papers may be pur- chased from the li- brary steward after seven a.m, News- papers of the country to which the steam- ship is nearest at the time of publication are always on sale." «Passengers who desire to have their baggage moved to various parts of the vessel will find an agent of Modd's Ex- press in the office of the purser. The au- tomobile truck makes daily trips.” ++ District messenger-boys, commonly called ‘ocean greyhounds,” may be obtained any hour of the day or night. The messenger-office is situated on the hurricane-deck.” «The promenade-deck may be engaged for baseball games, auto- mobile races, bulls, dances, weddings, receptions, and parties in gen- eral.” «Carriage service is maintained at all times. Rates for vehicle hire may be had on application. Apply to the livery steward.” “Cut flowers, fresh from the steamship's own hot-houses, may be olvained from the decoration steward.” + The skating-rink is opea to passengers from ten a.m. until nine- OUT OF HEARING. Disconsotate pucx—" There! that fellow is telling the ostrich a fine joke and | can’t get in on it.”* thirty p.m.” “+ Passengers desiring to leave the steamship in mid-ocean must notify the purser at least three hours in advance of departure.” PERRIN LAM A DEEP CUTTER. Rollins—“ 1 was out in a revenue- cutter last night.” ; Collins —"1 thought you went sleigh- riding ?” Rollins—« Well, it made quite a cut in my revenue.” Ulas AND HE DID, ACERTAIN col- lege town in the south boasts of a bridge of priv- ileges. Students take advantage of the liberty given them through the legend, when driv- ing with young lady visitors to cross the famous bridge, to tell the story, and to illus- trate it at the pro- pitious moment of crossing. The story was told recently that Dubose was Brown. The young lady was affected with a slight though charming lisp. When Mr. Dubose had relat- ed the legend of the bridge he add- ed, “And now, Miss Brown, when STABLE TALK. “Thought you had a job on a yacht?” Thave, I'm groom, On a yacht?” “Yes: taking care of clothes-hors: a fellow drives across with his girl he has the undisputed privilege of taking her in his arms and kissing her.” The astonished Miss Brown cried in wise apprehension, **Oh, Misther Duboth !” NOT HIS KIND. Mr. Nodd—1 don’t think much of that toy-bank you got the children.” Mrs. Nodd—** What's the matter with it?” Mr, Nodd—* Why, I worked over it all the evening and couldn't open ii FROM THE ALIMONIAL POINT OF VIEW. He—"So your mar- riage was a failure?” She—Oh, I don’t know.” He— Why, I thought you had secured a divorce ?” She—«1 did.” He— Well, don’t you call that a complete fail- ure 2?" She—" Hardly. You see, my partner made an assignment and I received a very neat sum as a pre- ferred creditor.” He—** Oh—um—er—I beg your pardon !" MAN is in his cups to- day and in the jug to- morrow. INFANT WONDER. “If you're a real dog why don't you bark ?"" HER “BEST FRIEND.” A WOMAN THUS SPEAKS OF POSTUM. We usually consider our best friends those who treat us best. Some persons think coffee a real friend; but watch it carefully a while, and ob- serve that it is one of the meanest of all enemies, for it stabs one while professing friendship. Coffee contains a poisonous drug—caf- feine—which injures the delicate nervous system, and frequently sets up disease in one or more organs of the body if its use is persisted in, “Thad heart palpitation and nervous- ness for four years, and the doctor told me the trouble was caused by coffee. He advised me to leave it off, but I thought I cozld not,” writes a Wisconsin lady. “On the advice of a friend I tried Postum Food Coffee, and it so satistied me I did not care for coffee after a few days’ trial of Postum. « As weeks went by and I continued to use Postum, my weight increased from 98 to 118 pounds, and the heart trouble feft me. Ihave used it a year now, and am stronger than I ever was. Ican hustle up stairs without any heart palpitation, and I am cured of nervousness. “ My children are very fond of Postum, and it agrees with them. My sister liked it when she drank it at my house, but not when she made it at herown home. Now she has learned to make it right, boil it according to directions, and has become very fond of it. You may use my name you wish, as I am not ashamed of prais- ing my best friend—Postum.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read “ The Road to Well- ville,” in packages. “ There's a Rea on.” comicbooks.com