Judge — November 2, 1907 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT THE MINSTREL SHOW. Interlocutor— Now, gentlemen, before we proceed any further with our entertain- ment this evening, I have a very serious mat- ter to discuss with you. Some one has writ- ten me anonymously, making a grave charge against a member of this company. The let- ter states that Mr. Johnson, our respected and popular endman, is a chicken-thief. Now, I Propose to find out right here and now who wrote that letter, and I think Mr. Johnson will have something to say to him. Did you write it, Mr. Tambo ?” Mr, Tambo—" No, sah. 1 ain't writtiti- tated no lettahs since dat breach-ob-promise suit.” Interlocutor — Did you write it, Mr. SUDOE'S EAVORITES: ey Sri batt sn rec Wade aia CONNIE EDISS IN ‘THE GIRL BEMIND THE COUNTER.” I write to a man’s face when I write, sah." A handsome, winning, joyful sprite, Interlocutor—* And how about you, Mr. Born to a happy fate: Bones?” In mirthful folly you delight, And so delight create. Mr. Bones—" Nub-nuh-nub-nuh-nub-nuh- no, sah. Life am_ tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-too short tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-to bodder wid lettah-writin’ wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh- when it’s suh-suh-suh-suh-suh-so easy to tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-talk.” Interlocutor—* Maybe you wrote it, Mr, Sanderson ?” Mr, Sanderson—* You' don't ketch dis chile makin’ no sich statement ‘bout a man ob Mr. Johnsing’s size—no, sah !" Interlocutor—" Now, Mr. Basso, | want a truthful answer to my question. Did you stoop so low as to write that anonymous letter 2" Mr. Basso— No, sah; 1 didn’t dun stoop ‘tall when I wuz writin’ it—dat is, | don't know nuffin’ ‘bout no lettah, an’ "—— Interlocutor (interrupting) —" That will do, sir—that will do! I rather suspected you ail the time; and now that my suspicions have been confirmed, I'll attend to your case right here before the company. The idea, sir, of accusing a man like Mr. John- son of stealing chickens! A man with his reputation for honesty! He of all men to be charged with sych a thing! What do you suppose he will say to this, sir ?” Mr. Basso— Well, sah, I don't heah him sayin’ nuffin’ ‘bout it.” Interlocutor— Mr. Johnson, you have the floor now.” Mr. Johnson—"\ de- WHERE EDUCATION HURTS. “* Why doesn’t Bill join us and catch some fish?" “Oh, he's been to college and has learned to read."* Interlocutor—" Mr. Anderson will now favor us with his latest song, ‘Go Home, Mistah Chicken! Wot Yo" Doin’ in Mah Bag?” A.B Lewis, A PARALLEL CASE. VENEZUELA has fined the New York & Bermudez Company 24,178,638 bolivars. There is a chance that, like the American $29,240,000, it will be paid ir patsies. TWO MILES FROM LAND. EN ROUTE to New Orleans there was a bustling old lady on board the steamship, and she kept things hustling. When we were in the middle of the gulf sne bustled up to a gentleman and said, nies it mos’ confatically, sah —mos' confatically | I was gwine home de odder night when I heard sumfin’ cryin’, an'I looked ober de fence an’ saw some pore little chickens sufferin’ wid de cold. I took dem chickens home ter git warm, ob course, an’ den I dun fo'got whar dey libed —so wot could I do, sah—wot could Ido?” Interlocutor—“You need say no more, Mr. John- son, to prove your honesty. It just goes to show what a kind-hearted fellow you are, I ought to discharge Mr. Basso on the spot, but I will let him off this time if he'll give us a good conun- drum to liven things up.” Mr. Basso —"Yes, sah; I's got a good one. Wot doctah in de United tes wears de bigges’ shoes ?” Interlocutor (after a few moments’ thought)— “Why, no one could an- swer such a fool conundrum as that. Do you mean to say that you can name the doctor in this country who “Can you tell me how far we are from the nearest land ?"" “Madam,” he said, “about two miles.” The old lady looked and looked, Finally she turned around and said, “Where'bouts—in which direction? I can't see it?” “Madam,” came the answer, “straight down,” BOARDING-HOUSE PILLOWS. Guest (at boarding- house)—"" These pillows seem very hard, They must he stuffed with chicken- feathers.” Maid—«Well, yes, ma’am. Most likely they wuz frum Plymouth Rocks.” HORSY. Griggs—*1 feel sorry for Spriggs—don't you? His wife nags him unmerci- fully.” Squiggs—" Yes. It's a horse on Spriggs.” wears the biggest shoes 2” Mr. Basso—" Yes, sah. DISAPPOINTED. ORIGINS. oe HO said time is ‘ alexa Juuier (reading her fortune}—"* Be brave, fair maid; do not despair. o De doctah wid de bigges You'll ere long wed a millionaire.’ money ? feet, ob co'se.” Romeo (musing)—"* Gee! | wisht | had dat nickel back.’’ “Some plumber.” comicbooks.com