Judge, 1907-11-02 · page 3 of 16
Judge — November 2, 1907 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces from early 20th-century Judge magazine: 1. **"Stung!" (top)**: A man and woman discuss a New York skyscraper, with the woman claiming she's taken offices there. The "sting" appears to be that she's been deceived about the building's quality or location. 2. **"The Football Hero Comes"**: A humorous poem mocking an athletic young man obsessed with physical prowess but intellectually unprepared for adult responsibilities—satirizing shallow athleticism. 3. **"Willie Wisboy's Order"**: A waiter and customer exchange about food, where the customer's repeated indigestion from strange eating habits is mocked. The satire targets either poor judgment or hypochondria. 4. **"Why He Hesitates" (photograph)**: A caption suggesting political hesitation, likely about voting, with a pun on Irish-American identity and citizenship concerns. The page satirizes vanity, poor judgment, and social pretension typical of Judge's humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE FOOTBALL HERO COMES. IS nose is strapped and wrapped up in a near-soft leather pouch ; Each musty muscle 's cricking as he practices his crouch. (For him the purgy surgeon is preparing a soft couch.) “Some things like pancake-turners hold his near-small ears in place ; His head is kept together by a hair-lined, pot-like brace. (The stocky doctor's at his heels with medicine-filled case.) He wears a woolen envelope, of sweater, without fleck ; He stands with hands prepared someone's anatomy to wreck (Or gently land with his soft corns on his opponent's neck). He's dubbed the Brawny Vizier of the Pigskin and his Viz. Has strips of courtly plaster on his almost-hidden phiz— Alll these things prove the ‘rah-'rah hero's now on deck for biz. 7.0, PITZER. WILLIE WISEBOY’S ORDER. . SV ATTER.” said the man who had been puzzling over the bill-of-fare in the get-full-quick restaurant, “ what .is that fellow opposite me eat- ing so heartily ?” « Hamburger steak and onions, sir.” “Great Scott! but what an idiot! He'll suffer all afternoon from indi- gestion, What's the man next to him eating 2” «Ham and eggs, sir.” “He's another idiot. Anyone ought to know in this enlightened age that stuff of that kind is dangerous to eat. What's the tall fellow with thes . red tie on eating so ravenously ?” “ Griddle-cakes, sir.” “Griddle-cakes, ch? Well, I wouldn't want to feel as badly as he's going to in about an hour from now. Might just as well eat rubber as those things. That old gentleman next to him is apparently relishing something.” « Pigs’ knuckles and sauerkraut, sir.” “The old know-nothing! Pigs" knuckles and sauerkraut! Why, he’s liable to drop dead before he gets back to the office. Why don't people read up a bit on what they should eat, and not order stuff simply because it tastes + good? It's no wonder you see a long list of deaths in the paper every morning.” “ What are you going to have to-day, sir?” “You may bring me lobster salad and a dish of ice-cream.” aa, NOTICE has been served on all vested interests to pull down their vests. i THE LATEST, C6] 'VE just taken offices in a New York sky-seraper.” * What stratum 2?” WHY HE HESITATES. Mr. Tit O'Gerrity—'' Ot hate t’ vote fer a There's not an Oirishman on th’ ticket, be gorry! lot av forelgners. comicbooks.com