Judge — October 26, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A THANKFUL LOT. HE editors are a curious lot. Belonging to the writing ranks, We write and write, but please them not, And yet they're liberal with their thanks! THAT EMPTY COAL-BIN. Bronson—*\'m going to call on a mental scientist this afternoon." Woodson—* What for?” Bronson—" To see if he can’t make me believe that there is no such thing as an empty coal-bin.” GOOSE-FRUIT. ‘THE accomplishments of the Peace Conference, when added up, bear a striking resemblance to what Uncle Remus would call a row of Goose-Hagues. HIS QUALIFICATION. “So you want a job in the weather-bureau, eh? What experience have you had?" Well, I once won a prize in a guessing-contest."” JUST BREAK EVEN. [8 8 hundred years from now most of the poetry that is now producea won't be worth the paper it is written on.— Exchange. The same may be said of the checks with which the poets are paid for their manuscripts. We guess this circumstance about evens it up. Happy thought! Why not change its name to The Carn-hague-y ? A MWe ERT —— NO COMMON CUR. “What kind of a dog have you got there, my boy?" “ Dat's a mouse-hound, mister.” ; BOBBY PEARY, THE WORLD-WIDE ARCTIC EXPLORER. soto. THEY say that I'm a faker pure, Ihave to clothe myself each day Which makes me very tired, In furs, or else I'll freeze. As if the hardships I endure My reputation, so they say, Were not\each one inspired. Is measured by ‘Wegrees. Thave to walk the quarterdeck T have to go around and beg Until my nose is blue ; The means wherewith to sup; On lecture platforms I must treck Also that I may yearly pet The filthy lucre, too. My reputation up. cnorus. Tam Peary. Don't get leary. As a seeker I'm the goods. . I'ma hero, minus zero, And a connoisseur of foods. TOM MASSON. DOLLIVER AND THE SUGAR-BARREL, SENATOR DOLLIVER of Iowa can tell a humorous story as well as Mark Twain, and to get the real flavor of the fun in the following, ‘one should listen to it as told by him in his dry, inimitable way : “Sugar was sugar when I was a boy. It cost from twenty-five to thirty cents a pound at that time, and children were not allowed to eat quite as much of it as they do nowadays. It was a rare occasion—a sort of family event—when a barrel of it was brought home. At such times I can well remember how the precious cask was ‘solemnly con- veyed to the big closet store-room under the stairway, rolled inside, and the door carefully locked and the key turned over to the house- keeper. “One of the many tragedies of my boyhood occurred one fateful A CASE OF NECESSITY. day when she accidentally forgot to lock that door! I sneaked into Wire— But why do you have a home when you Intend to spend all ee a? your time at the clubs ?"” . the closet to help myself to the sugar—got caught at it—and before I iran’ bauvees'" Whe you've i got’ to have some place live taven't could get my head out of the barrel the—er—exercises began.” you?" comicbooks.com