Judge — October 5, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A JUGULAR FINISH. “How would you advise a humorist to end his life?" “The way for a humorist to commit sul- cide is to cut his jocular vein.” A MAGAZINE SONNET HE purple glooms athwart the matin sky ; The tawny depths yawn eerily for me ; I hear the droning of the drowsy sea, Which echoes back my solitary cry. Chrome shadows darken on the deeps which lie Unbroken, endless, like a barren lea Strewn with the aftermath of harvestry And bounteous crops long gathered. What am I? O Psyche, with your locks of gleaming gold— Your only garb Dame Nature's very own— I scan your beauty with an eye too bold, And praise it in too confident a tone! ‘The wind beats down, and I am all a-cold. (I should be pinched for this ; yea, I alone !) WILLIS LEONARD CLANAWAN, AN EASY HIT. 66 YVJHY did that pop- ular dramatist strike a man?” +L suppose he want- ed to show how easily a playwright can make a hit.” A DAKOTA AD. OR SALE, on easy payments, 100 choice lots, Well-drained, rich soil. Good grounds for divorce. MOMENTUM. Colonel Corn (as he saw for the first time an automobile going at a for- ty-mile clip)—** By gravy, but them horses must have gave that wagon a good start before they broke loose !" First tramp (reading) — I'd like ter git inter dat kind uv a bath meself,” ‘Secon Tramp—‘* I'd sooner git dat kind uv a bath inter me, pard.”” FIRE AMENITIES. HERE was a fire one night in one of | the lesser hotels of New York which came first to the knowledge of cer- tain habitués of the bar department and they hastily called a committee to wait on the clerk and apprise him of the incipi- ent besom of destruction. They filed out of the bar into the office and marched quick time up to the desk. “We are on fire,” reported the chair- man a good deal after the manner of the man on the Maine that time. The clerk looked them over carefully and critically. “Well,” he said, «do you want your- selves put out 2” “Come off!” exclaimed the chairman, getting caloric under the collar at this in- sinuation, « We are on fire, I tell you. “Allright. Go back to the bar and have the wet turned on you.” The chairman was becoming impatient. “It’s the house,” he explained hotly. “No, it isn’t,” snapped the clerk. * You pay for it yourselves.” “« By gin!” thundered the chairman, thumping the counter, « the hotel is on fire. Do you understand ?” “Oh, is it?” smiled the complacent “Well, why don't you go over Do you clerk. there and jingle the Foraker? think I'm the fire department ?” By this time the flames were under control.and the committee returned: to the field of its former labors and resumed busi- ness at the old stand; but the clerk was not asked to join. wee THE CLIMAX. SS AY, pal.” asked one of the two tramps, abruptly coming out of a trance, “you had a education before y’ hit de sim- ple life; wot's a climax?” +A climax,” rejoined the other weary, raking over the cold cinders of younger days within him, “a climax is a workin’ up of excitement to a point where some- thin’ suddenly breaks it off an’ leaves y’ stunned. ++ Jus’ give a feller an instincts.” “Suppose,” acquiesced the educated one, drawing hard on his short-stem pipe, A CHOICE OF SIDES. ** De doctors hev prescribed alcohol baths for Willie Astorbilt. WHY HE SKIDDOOED. A bullfrog who lived near a pool Saw some kids playing hookey from school. Then he shook his wise head As he skiddooed and said, “ Boys like frogs’ hind legs as a rule!” “+ supposin’ I walks right inter a saloon, puts down a five-dollar bill on de bar an’ orders de drinks fer dé house. Dat’s de beginnin’ of de excitement. Well, after de glasses ‘re filled an’ lined up I lifts my schooner an‘ wishes de party happy days. De excitement ’s in- creasin’, Next, I begins t’ tip my schooner of beer and de taste of de contents ‘re jus’ reachin’ my mouth, when suddenly de guy behind de bar reaches over, snatches de drink out of me hand an’ t'rows me out. Dat’s de climax. “Say,” again asked his companion, after a mo- ment of silence, *+ wot ‘d dat guy take y’r drink away from y' an’ t'row y’ out fer when y’ had a five-dollar bill on de bar ?* The educated tramp gazed at him in disgust "Didn't I say de whol’ t'ing was imagined? Did y ever see me wid a five-dollar bill ?° FOR HER OWN DIVERSION. A RECENT Mrs. Partington who was asked to sin, on a company occasion, said she only sang when she was alone—just for her own derision. THERE is no honor among thieves. They are just as bad as other people. HIS LITERATURE LEAKED. Winkley —« Hear about the joke on Jagley ?” Binkley—\ No; what is it?” Winkley—« Since he moved into a prohibition suburb he has had his ex- hilaratorion sent by ex- press in a plain box, marked + Books.’” Binkley—** Well?” Winkley—* The other day he got a postal from the express-agent reading, * Dear sir, your books are leaking; please come and get them.’” T takes two to make a marriage, or any other form of disagree- ment. comicbooks.com