Judge — September 28, 1907 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNCLE HEZ MAKES A CLEAN GETAWAY. ++ CQNCE,” said Uncle Hez, our oldest vet, as he hitched up on his crutch and thought- fully picked around over the box of crackers until he found one that wasn’t chipped, “1 made what some braggin’ windbags ‘round hyer would call a purty keen gitaway.” “Spin it, Hez; spin it. Don’t let it ferment on yer mind, ‘Tain't none too strong, as ‘tis,” put in Oscar Hame- buckle as he shaved off a quarter-inch slice of cheese. “Twas in Ander- sonville prison, time o° th’ war, an’ I was want- in’ turrible bad t'git out. The meals wasn’t what T'd be'n ust to t’ home,.an’ some other things about th’ place hed got us fellers some disgruntled with th’ management. I would of left a heap sooner, only them bloodhound dawgs was so allfired keen on th’ scent that mighty few o’ th’ boys that started ever got more ‘n a mild or two before they was ketched. “Once, though, I was hangin’ ‘round th’ drug-store o' th’ prison, when th’ feller in charge steps out, leavin’ me standin’ clost by th’ door unbeknownst t' him, A idee come to me like a shot. .I hustled inside an’ grab- | bed a big half-gallon bottle 0 chloroform an’ got plumb complete away with it afore he returned back. RESTAURANT AFFILIATIONS, THE waiter in the light-lunch cafe looked expectantly at the first of five men who had just entered. “Bring me a coffee cake and a cup of coffee,” ordered the first man, “L'il take some milk biscuit and a glass of milk, second. “Tea buns and a cup of tea, please,” remarked the third. “A piece of cocoanut pie and a cup of cocoa,” said the fourth. The waiter passed on to the fifth man. + Don't say it, don’t say it," Le pleaded. «1 know what you want. You want a slice of chocolate cake and a cup of chocolate.” ‘No, I do not,” protested the fifth man, «I want a plate of ice-cream and a glass of ice-water.” said the HERE are things better than money in this life, but it takes money to buy them. WHEN IT'S BAD TO BE AN OCTOPUS. Lrme rish—"' Hurry up; you'll be late for dinner.” Younc ocropus—"‘ i'll be with you in a minute—only six more sleeves to put on." “That night I fills m’ boots full o' the stuff an’ sneaks through a hole I’ dug'n under th’ stockade. Away I went, lickety-split, an’ ‘twasn’t more 'n ten minutes afore I hears them hound dawgs a-bawlin’ on the trail. j “T hurried on, hopin’ my roose might work, an’ purty soon they | wasn't but one hound dawg a-bawlin’ on th’ trail, an’ he wos stoppin’ right in the midst of ‘is loudest and survigrussest bellers t’ gape an’ stretch hisse’f. Ye could jest see ‘im a-doin’ it. Between his bellers ye could hear tother hound dawg a-snorin’ half a mild furder back, 1 was still hopeful. “Finally th’ other hound dawg laid down an’ jined in th’ snorin’, an’ I knowed I was saved. I tuck off m’ boots, emptied the rest o’ th’ chloroform out o' my boots, worked over my feet till I got ‘emt’ set up an’ take notices, an’ by mornin’ I wos out 0’ reach—hey, Oscar? What's \ that you're puttin’ through ye 2” suc. NOT A WORSHIPER. J C. W. BECKHAM, the present Governor of Kentucky, and the Demo- * cratic nominee for United States Senator, to be elected to succeed Senator James B, McCreary, has made a number of enemies among the whiskey people, by reason of his attitude on the temperance question and the Sunday closing of saloons. A few days ago a man carrying a pretty large package of corn juice walked into his office. Addressing himself to Assistant Secretary | of State W. F. Grayot, he inquired if the Governor was in. He was told that Governor Beckham was spending a few days at his old home in Wa) Nelson County. i “Well,” said the man “I had no partickler business with him ; jest wanted to speak to him and pass the compliments of the day. He is the nominee and I am fur him, I reckin, but jest the same I ain't namin’ none of my children after him.” ‘TECHNICALLY SPEAKING. Mrs. Howard—* Doctor, my husband has a strange delusion, He thinks he ought to be in the Hall of Fame.” Doctor — That, madam, is a hall-ucination.” PUTS THE “GINGER” IN. THE KIND OF FOOD USED BY ATHLETES. A former college athlete, one of the long-distance runners, began to lose his power of endurance. His experience with a change in food is interesting. «While I was in training on the track athletic team, my daily ‘jogs’ became a task, until after I was put on Grape-Nuts food for two meals aday. After using the Food for two weeks I felt like a new man. My digestion was perfect, nerves steady and I was full of energy. «Ttrained for the mile and the half mile runs (those events which require so much endurance) and then the long daily + jogs,’ which before had been such a task, were clipped off with ease. I won both events. ‘The Grape-Nuts food put me in per- fect condition and gave me my ‘ginger.’ Not only was my. physical condition made perfect, and my weight increased, but my mind'was made clear and vigor- ous so that I could get out my studies in about half the time formerly required. Now most all of the University men use Grape-Nuts for they have learned its value, but I think my testimony will not be amiss and may perhaps help some one to learn how the best results can be obtained. There's a reason for the effect of Grape-Nuts food on the human body and brain, The certain elements in wheat and barley are selected with special reference to their power for rebuilding the brain and nerve centres. The product is then care- fully and scientifically prepared so as to make it easyof digestion. The physical and mental results are so apparent after two or three weeks’ use as to produce a profound impression. Read "The Road to Wel ville,” in packages. + There's a reason, comicbooks.com