Judge, 1907-09-28 · page 6 of 16
Judge — September 28, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor magazines: **"A Weighty Objection"** mocks a couple's marriage dilemma: both are obese, and they fear living in a cramped apartment would be uncomfortable. The satire targets Victorian courtship anxieties and class concerns about housing, using their combined weight as the punchline. **"Power of Habit"** jokes that New York construction contractors compulsively dig up streets out of ingrained routine rather than necessity. **"Easiest Vocation"** presents a child's logic: if teaching requires education but motherhood doesn't, she'll become a mother—satirizing assumptions about women's roles requiring no training. **"Barnyard Reasoning"** uses animal stupidity for humor: a cow eating tacks must be preparing to "lay a carpet." **"These Inventive Days"** mocks over-engineered absurdity: an elaborate cow-milking machine with a phonograph and retaliatory arm. **"On Marriage"** compiles ethnic stereotypes about marriage from different nationalities—standard period ethnic humor. **"Bachelor Blunderings"** shows a man congratulating someone on their wedding with "many happy returns"—an awkward gaffe about the phrase's typical funeral use.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A ‘WEIGHTY OBJECTION. TSP FF HAVE found a new hindrance to marriage With a maiden the boys call ‘a beaut.” She's rotund, yet of dignified carriage, And she'd not be averse to my suit She eays, were it not that she’s portly While, though poor in finances, I'm fat, And instead of a residence courtly We might have to live in a flat. ] The question we've weighed as to whether For reluctance there’s resonable grounds— Any scale that we stood on together Would tip over four hundred pounds— But we can’t scale one wall of objection, GS eZ And a weighty objection at that, Though our love should ne'er show a deflection, We'd be woefully cramped in a flat. Though I've called her an angel whose sweetness Of temper would banish all woes, She has answered that phrase with a neatness That has shattered my confident pose As to wink back the tears hard I've snufifed: “ Ifa sure-enough angel were fat As I, she would get her wings ruffled If she had to ‘keep house * in a flat!” NOY FARRELL GREENE. THE POWER OF HABIT. Saint Peter— What are those fellows trying to do— dig up the streets 2” Gabriel— Yes. 1 guess they don’t know anything bet- ter—they are contractors from New York." BeBAUBE, . "thik the balbplayers ought to form unions.” FLour by any other name would smell as wheat. ” i Boceens they go out on strikes so often." ‘THE EASIEST VOCATION. Maud (aged nine years)—"* Mother, when I grow up I guess I will be a school-teacher. Do you think I can ?” Mother—"1 don’t believe you can, Maud, because you are now only in the second. grade.” Maud—" Then I guess 1 will have to be a mother. You don’t have to take any lessons in that, do you ?” BARNYARD REASONING. “ Bless me! if the old lady isn’t eating tacks.”* * Yes; I believe she's going to lay a carpet.” THESE INVENTIVE DAYS. KANSAS CITY man has taken out a patent on an elec- tric motor fastened on a cow's back, the electricity be- ing generated by a dynamo attached to the cow's tail, says the American Inventor. It strains the milk and hangs up the pail and strainer, A small phonograph accompanies the outfit, which yells So!" when the cow moves. If she kicks, a hinged arm catches the milk-stool and lams her over the head with it. ON MARRIAGE. The Englishman—« It's the proper thing to do.” A foretaste of heaven.” “It's aricht, if she’s got the siller."" Who vill cook der dinner it you no have got. der vraw The Halian—s Marriage gives a man another angel to ~¢% pray for him, and saves him the trouble of doing it him- self." The Hebrew—* The cheapest way of getting your quiv- BACHELOR BLUNDERINGS. rade er fall,and's long way the easiest.” caghts ee ts been a long time since I last saw you, colonel. Wehave The American—" Haven't got the time.” Tue sacneLor (who never could say the right thing at the right time)—" Ah—con- LA TOUCHE HANCOCK. gratulations, and many happy returns. comicbooks.com