Judge, 1907-09-28 · page 4 of 16
Judge — September 28, 1907 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"The Really Ideal Liar"** mocks romantic idealization by describing a man lounging under a tree smoking an endless cigar—presented as the ultimate fantasy of leisure and irresponsibility. **"At the Minstrel Show"** satirizes a dialogue between Mr. Jones and an Interlocutor, poking fun at stuttering and verbal mishaps. Jones repeatedly mangles his words in increasingly absurd ways, creating slapstick humor from speech impediments. The accompanying illustrations show social scenes—a woman at what appears to be a formal gathering, and figures in period dress at a social event. **"Innocence," "Independent,"** and other brief comic pieces employ wordplay and social observation typical of Judge's style, targeting marriage dynamics, materialism, and pretension among the middle and upper classes. The overall tone reflects early-20th-century American satirical humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE REALLY IDEAL LIAR. ERE is the dream that is dearest to me— bother nor mar— lie out in the shade of a tree, Smoking an endless cigar! Now, but wouldn't that be ideal? Just to lie out there, under the sheltering shade of an oak, smoking a cigar that will never go out. Ideal? Yes, really. Under the sheltering shade of an oak, Out in the forest afar ; Just to lie out there, lie out there and smoke, Smoking an endless cigar! Yes, it would be just to lie out there —much juster than to lie where it does harm, Just to lie out, lie enough to get over lying, looking up into the beautiful sky and puffing a cigar that never needs another match when you haven't any- thing in your pocket but seven toothpicks. How lovely ! JUDGE'S FAVORITES. LOUISE BRUNELLE, AT KEITH AND PROCTOR'S HARLEM OPERA-HOUSE, There's naught so dainty as a rose. This you and everybody knows. And yet a rose grows tame the while ‘The spot-light plays about your smile. Looking up into the beautiful sky— Never a jult nor a jar— Just to lie out there ; oh, yes, just to lie, Smoking an endless cigar! Yet, to tell the truth, and not just to lie, it might not be so awfully ideal after all. Suppose it should rain pitchforks and bullfrogs? Suppose a meandering cow should mosey along and step on my unguarded stomach? Suppose a large, long, lean, lank snake should sneak up and rebuke me for lying? After careful recon- sideration, | am inclined to think there might be more real realism than ideal ideal- ism in it; so I shall forego the fond dream and continue to do my lying indoors. Got a light, please? rosextvs iove. AT THE MINSTREL SHOW. Mr. Bones—* Muh-muh-mub-mistah Interlocutor 2” Interlocutor—* You have the floor, Mr. Bones.” Mr. Bones—“V's dun guh-guh-guh-guh-got a new one for you tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh- to-night, suh, It's about a muh-muh-muh-man who st-st-st-st-st-stuttahs.”” Interlocutor— You ought to tell a story of that kind to perfection, Mr. Bones, seeing you stutter so badly yourself.” Mr. Bones (indignantly)—* I duh-duh-duh-don’t stuttah, suh !” Interlocutor—* You don't?” Mr. Bones—* N-n-n-n-no, suh. Interlocutor—"« Oh, you only stammer, eh? ence between stuttering and I only st-st-st-st-stammah.”" Will you kindly tell us the difter stammering Mr, Bones—“ Why, when you st-st-st-st-st-st-st- stuttah you tuh-tuh-tuh-talk like this; but when you st- St-st-st-st-st-st-stammab you only tub-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh- talk like that.” Interlocutor —** Oh, that’s it, eh? Well, you may go on with your story about the man who stutters; but be careful you don’t get into the habit yourself.” Mr, Bones— Well, suh, h-h-he went into a ruh- rub-ruh-ruh-restaurant and looked over the buh-buh- buh-buh-bill-of-fare and saw St-st - st -st-st-st-st-straw- berry shortcake on it. Interlocutor —"Yes, Mr. Bones. A man who stuttered went into a res- taurant and looked over the bill-of-fare and saw straw- berry shortcake on it. Well, did he get some 2” Mr. Bones—* N-n-n-n- no, suh, Buh-buh- buh- buh-by the time the puh- puh-puh-puh-poor fellow No ONLY A WANDERING MIND. ** Mr. Jackson tells some wonderful stories. He must have been a great traveler. But his mind has wandered."* THE WOMAN OF IT. “But why did you refuse him? you loved him. “1 do. I thought you sald But I refused him so that when I finally ac- cept him, and we're wed, | can remind him how often he begged me to marry him." guh-guh.guh-guh-gave his ordah st.st-st-st-st-st-st-st- strawberries were out of suh-suh-suh-season.” Interlocutor—" Very good, Mr. Bones—very good, sir. And now, Mr. Leader, if you'll give us some more of your good music Mr. Johnson will sing us that pathetic little ballad entitled, * What is home without a razor ?"” OMEN never lose things. They put them in a safe place and then don’t recall the place. INNOCENCE. 66 \VJHY.” he asked, “do girls like so much to display diamond rings on their engagement -fin- gers?” “Well,” she replied, as she. carelessly the jewel on her third fine ger, “you know there is twirled nothing like a shining ex- ample to. stimulate one when he has a purpose in mind.” When she had time to speak again she cried, “Oh, Fred, L hope you don’t think I was trying to throw out a hint. I never suspected that you cared about me at all !” INDEPENDENT. Briggs —“ Hodson seems to be happy.” Griggs—" Yes; he has little money, but he possess- ¢s a philosophical tempera- ment and simple tastes. Briggs 1 see. He is independently poor.” comicbooks.com