Judge — August 31, 1907 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘TALE OF THE SALE OF A “PHONY” WHALE, 'H ‘il of a whale that was made of} wood, while its mouth was stuffed with straw, formed a tale so funny the judges foare:!, "* That's bully ! Haw-haw ! Haw- haw!” They patiently listened to lore correc: concerning the wooden tail, but discovered they couldn't all agree in re- gard to the flim-flam whale. © Dill” Mublig, his name, of engineer fame, sought wealth by buying a whale, and hundreds of hard-earned « plunks” he paid to close the coveted sale. The mammal, he says, was a frightful fake, constructed in manner rude ; with a can- vas skin that let rain in, and its caudal part was wood, So, replete with lore, Mublig sought the law to regain the sum he paid; as he'd parted with fifteen hundred bones for a pig in a poke,” he said. He said he was lured to a tavern bad, where, over a bottle of fizz, he‘ learned of the really marvelous whale, which after- ward became his. He was told, he said, that the wondrous whale was deemed remarkably fine; that ‘twas caught in Hamburg, right’ from the sea, where they'd pickled the beast in wine. He neard from Rebhan and Brann, he said. their Munchausen tale, in chunks ; and he handed over with joyous heart his fifteen hundred plunks. So Muhlig then took the whale on the road to exhibit it through the land ; but the very first night he opened his show the tail tumbled into his hand. A jolly jack tar then playfully poked the leviathan with his paw; he gave it a jab in the ribs and found its carcass was stuffed with straw. There was a big row in Allentown when the public learned of the smash ; for Muhlig so bold, with his mammal cold, had garnered three thousand cash. They hustled him out with his «+ phony " whale, and he hiked East over the land till he set up his tent by the sad sea waves on Atlantic City’s strand, An autopsy held on the wondrous whale revealed it was stuffed with sand ; A Bottle of Ale Comes to you with all the excellence that can only come of good hops and mali, pure spring-water and superior method of brewing and bottling. Hovis, Claba, Restanranta, Dealers then Muhlig came back with a saddened soul, and the whale’s tail in his hand. Muhlig then sought redress in the courts, and **Exhibit A” was the tail. The judges were wise, but they couldn't agree in decision over the whale. | ‘So he took an appeal to justices three| —Seabury, Platzek, Gildersleeve — and they're still debating what to do with cruelty they'd scarce believe. But Muh- lig has patience, despite delay, though his fake-fish suit may fail; yet he knows how Jonah, the scapegoat, felt when he saw the inside of a whale.—New York World. Nothing better for a sluggish appetite than Abbott's Bitters. At druggists’. COLOR NOTE. Grass widows may, of course, be blue, But I have never seen, No more has any one of you, A single one that's green.” —Philadelphia Press. HOW TO SPELL COCKTAIL. Teacher—'* Now. Freddy, we never use a hyphen in cocktail.” Freddy—No, mum ; pa uses three dashes. Teacher—" Three dashes, Freddy ?” Freddy—“ Yep ; three dashes of Angostura.”” A GOOD REFRAIN, Ske (turning from the piano «There! | merel to the und i How do you like that refrain He—Splendid! And the more you refrain the better I-like it."—Pick-me-up. MEAS AS AS AS AF WS AS AF AS as “ Ornatuset Bonitas”” Correct Hats for Men FALL STYLES Now On Sale New York Chicago Philadelphia And Accredited Agencies In All Principal Cities of the World OFFKE acknowledged to be A CIGARETTE that is merely mild or strong can never commend itself ided approval of critical smokers with experienced tastes. MURAD CIGARETTES so harmoniously combine the full strength of the finest Turkish Leaf with a mildness as delicious as it is rare, that they are universally “THE METROPOLITAN STANDARD” 10 for 15 cents S. ANARGYROS, Manutacturer, 111 Fifth Ave., N.Y. SHUDDERY. | oh, for the armored knights of days gone by | __ When brave men met the foe | With stout and valiant arm and flashing | eye And laid each villain low. The combat now is but a little thing— A paltry chance ; None but the slight mosquito dares to bring A lifted lance. But when I hear his ruthless battle-song Ere he alights, I shudder unprotected, and I long For armored nights. — Washington Star, Williams “The only kind that won't smart or dry on the face” Shaving Soap Williams’ Shaving WORRIMENT. It isn’t a panic impending, It isn’t some grief that is past ; It isn’t a fear of the ending Of good times—so good they won't last ; It isn’t the break of some bubble, My worry’s of something far worse ; I'll tell you the source of my trouble : The times are too good for my purse. —New York Times. GIVE HIM TIME. “They say his wife has money.” “Well, that isn't his fault. They've been married only a short time.”"—ZLon- don Opinion. A little difference in the lather makes a big difference in the shave, and that’s why dis- criminating men almost always go back to Soap. May be had in the form of Shaving Sticks or Shaving Tablets. comicbooks.com