Judge — August 3, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—_a=: ——= giigilg PUBLISHED WEEKLY. 10 CENTS A COPY 225 Founrn Ave., New Youx. Canim Appnss,“Jupcarn.” Txr. 2214 Grawencr John A. Sleicher, President. A. Nichols, Secretary Treasurer. 225 Fourth Avenue, New York. Wasraen Anrenrisina Orrice— 1313 Hartford Building, Chicage, It TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: One copy. one year. or samnmberss + ms-acunrs—/atermational Newt Company, Bream's building. Chancery Lane. EC. London: Rreatane's, Arewne del" Opera, Paris Tie contents of FUDGE are orotected by cooyright in both the United States and Govat Britain. CONTRIB Tutuili, Samoa, and Mexico, a rrwlations oS New York, are at a discount in that winces, $5.50 8 year. Saaraach's News Exchange, 3 infrenoement of this coperisht will be promptly and Pisorousiy IPS must inciose a stamped and selt-aidressed endeiope wxth all manascrio's, otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and adéress written plainly on each and every seoarate sketch. The accompanying foke or descrptrve ietier-oress should in ébery instance be written avon its indroidual picture, and NOT upon a separate sito of paper. inclosure of stamps tn the fall amount of postage 1s also reauired, 10 insure safe and prompt return of material not acceotes.. MW JUDGE cannot be found at any news-stand, the publishers will be under obligations if that fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. DEMOCRACY’S INVITATION TO THE UNKNOWN. THE THANKS of the country, and especially of the Democratic party, are due to Marse Henry, Kentucky’s tutelary and oracle. With cour- ageous frankness he has revealed the prime condition of successful candi- dacy in the party of Jefferson. The revelation is almost axiomatic. It may be put in various ways. Thus: The Democrats do not like a man they know, hence they must rally, if at all, to the man they do not know. Or thus: A candidate with a few known opinions cannot please a party which has a million unknown opinions. Following the logic of this con- dition, Marse Henry discloses Governor Johnson of Minnesota as his one best bet. Johnson, according to Mr. Watterson, is unknown, and therefore the most available man in sight. There is something almost ludicrous in the thought, but neverthe- less it accords with the well-known con- ditions of the times, that to be a man of fixed opinions is at this juncture a di bling fact in the field of political ambition, and especially in the Demo- cratic party. Governor Johnson is seized upon because he is the one Dem- ocrat who seems to enjoy some local pulling-power at the polls, and just now the man who can get real men to vote for him has an almost celestial radiance in the eyes of the dispossessed Democracy. Vote-pulling power, consequently, combined with the supreme condition of unknowability as to political beliefs and purposes, makes a merger of first-class potency. The only drawback to Marse Henry’s candidate is that, while he is unknown, he is not absolutely so, Perhaps a better man is yet to be discovered—one perfectly, splendidly qualified to meet this exacting condition. It’s a great time for the Unknown. eee RAvium now gives way to molybdott. Starts out something like mol- lycoddle, doesn’t it? ee A DOWRY FOR GIRLS A BOOM TO MARRIAGE. IF THE WOMEN who are back of the scheme to grant a dowry of $500 to every labor-union bride think for one moment that male man is going to object they are due to get the surprise of their lives. A man may be stupid in affairs of the heart, but not where a $500 dowry crowns the hy- meneal altar. Speaking for what we take would be the solid opinion of the male half of mankind, we herewith most cordially indorse this prenup- tial financiering. We go further and advocate a pension from the govern- ment and an annuity from a solvent insur- ance company to every girl who gets mar- tied. What we need to-day to put mar- riage on a more attractive footing for young men is some scheme by which the young woman in the case may come into the part- nership not only as an equal, but as the whole thing. The suggestion of Miss Ger- trude Barnum that the people have sick benefits and death benefits, and therefore ought to have benefits for that other ca- lamity, marriage, is both forceful and to the point. There is no reason why these lesser and petty disasters should be made the subject of such enormous and constant and costly watchfulness, while this greater and well-nigh universal calamity should be allowed to go on its sorrowing way unaided by philanthropy. Endow marriage, say we, no matter where the endowment comes from. Government T THE very thought of war with Japan, the Chefoo liar of precious memory comes out of hiding and begins to sharpen his Fabers. SCHOOL-TEACHER undertook to memorize everything written and spoken by the Hon. William Jennings Bryan, Poor man went crazy. Served him right. oo THE soul of a man is soft and gelatinous, small, shapeless, a mere bit of pulp,’’ says the latest soul-sharp. It’s good to know the truth, however uncomplimentary. Is THERE any significance in the fact that on the day after five judges said Mr. Hearst could have a recount and five said he couldn’t Mr. McClellan started on his vacation? oe oo] F THE books of the nature-fakers were merely to lie upon parlor- tables,”” says a Long critic, ‘there would be no harm done.” The trouble seems to be that they lie wherever they are. HOW TO ACQUIRE A COOL, SWEET MIND. A MAGAZINE WRITER, moralizing on the hot weather, says that the best preventative of heat is to keep a cool, sweet mind. The sultry days of the dog-star are a good time to apply a philosophy whose benefits are by no means confined to the summer solstice. If it shall seem difficult how this philosophy is to be applied, how the mind is to be made cool and sweet at a moment’s notice, listen to the magazine writer men- tioned: “ Do you know how to cool your mind when your body is far from cool? It is easy. Stop thinking of unnecessary things and think only of necessary things.” We know that the exasperated heat victim will exclaim at this point, “Land alive! what things are unnecessary and what necessary?” Be patient. This same writer goes into that. Listen: ‘What are un- necessary thoughts? All thoughts of the past and most thoughts of the future.’” There you have it. What are necessary thoughts? ‘‘ Necessary thoughts are thoughts concerning the now and here.”” And there you have the rest of it. Persons afflicted with torridity have but to discard the past, shut out the future, and calmly mate up with the now and here, and their minds will at once grow sugary and polar. eee GINCE the Jap Yankee is known as Yakkiguma, we begin to see what a menace to peace the Jap Yankee is. MILLIONAIRE DANIEL C. REID buys the barn-door on which he placed his name when a boy. The possibilities of this beautiful sen- timent are unlimited. eee HOW Andray Victorov was indorsed to Ivan Grigorewich by Iswolsky as deserving a reward for the removal of Yankel Tserniak, and fur- ther indorsed to Stseglovitov, and so on to P. Stolypin, by whom the re- ward was doubled, makes difficult reading, though interesting. wat queer things happen in the metropolis! In one day a mile of Street-cars were held up because a motorman saw a quarter in the street and got off to hunt for it, and a young man was knocked silly by a baby falling out of a window. And that wasn’t all for that day, either. comicbooks.com