Judge — July 27, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN UNUSUAL VOYAGE AND A REMARKABLE ESCAPE, HE poison-mixer was in the act of skat- ing a tube of tanglefoot toward Win- chester Bill, at the latter's urgent re- quest, when a seedy individual came through the door in the wake of a nose possessing the soft glow of an Italian sunset, slid easily to the rail, and re- marked hoarsely, “ Th’ same, please, but deeper !” Bill, upon hearing the voice at his elbow, allowed a withering glance to fall from his six-feet-three vertical ex- travagance and leisurely soaked in the stranger. «Tsay, you lemon-whiskered night- mare! where'd your ticket begin at?" he inquired at length. The newcomer, after stealing a quick, miserly glance at the interroga- tor, raised a hand shakily and licked his dry lips before replying. «Keep calm, pardner, an’ I'll tell ye. Don't expect ye to treat a feller as hospitable as this without fur- nishin’ my identities, an’ so on. Eh—repeat? I guess yes—er—ah-h !" Having disposed of the encore, the stranger motioned to the warm corner behind the stove, and we all collected in the indicated vicinity. ** Traveled some ?” asked Boney Willson with a significant squint at the newcomer’s clothes. «Traveled 2?” repeated the stranger, as if suddenly recollecting himself. + Did someone say traveled? I think perhaps I have. This is th’ first rest I've had followin’ th’ trip. Yes; I sure have been goin’ some." A momentary silence ensued, while the stranger rubbed his hands and drew deeper into his collar. «© We were on the Pacific Limited, dashing across the United States ata sixty-mile-an-hour gait. Party of us was playin’ pinochle in th’ rear of th’ car when th’ engineer threw on th’ air an’ tossed us all into th’ front of th’ car in a heap. Of course we knew something was. wrong, but before we could get to our feet th’ shock broke th’ air- brakes, an’ th' train was goin’ ahead again as fast as ever. Th’ en- gineer grabbed th’ throttle, yanked it back, an’ it broke off in his hand. On we went again, By this time we were all hangin’ out of th’ win- dows, tryin’ to see what was up. About a hundred yards up th’ track was a child playin’ ping-pong right in th’ jaws of death. We were due to hit it in six seconds, more or less, an’ of course we all yelled our level loudest to scare that kid off th’ track. Well, I hadn't more'n touched th’ saddle before that critter started straight for Idaho. If you've ever tried to hold in one of them mules they raise in Tex "—— ules !” exploded Chet Jones in a loud tone. ure, mules! Did I say kittens? I tell ye I couldn't turn that animal's head any more'n I could push back th’ Atlantic Ocean, Every jump was takin’ us closer to that poor, innercent kid, who was playin’ mumble-peg right in th’ path. I waved my old hat an’ slapped th’ mule in th’ eyes; but it didn’t do a bit of good. Th’ child was caught by th’ current an’ was headed straight 'for th’ falls not half a **Hey—falls? What falls?” asked Jim Glenn as he rolled his eyes suspiciously at the nar- rator. “Niagara Falls, of course! Didn't I mention that? Well, I snatched up th’ oars an’ made that old boat leave a track in th’ old Mississippi like shavin'-lath- er. Went so fast the bot- tom begun to smoke a little ; but I couldn't head off that , an’ it looked as if it was billed to go over them falls without bein’ rescued. Jest then I got to th’ top of th’ hill, an’ started in on th’ down-grade, an’ "—— ‘Down grade in a boat?” yelled the bar- keeper. ‘Boat? Who said anything ahout a boat? I was ridin’ my bike, an’ th’ way them pedals hummed goin’ down that incline would have made a perfessional set up an’ take notice, I tell ye. Iwas makin’ about ninety miles an hour, when I see there was no way to escape hittin’ that child, who was right in th’ cycle-path makin’ mud-pies. I twisted at th’ handle-bars, but they was so rusty I couldn’t work ‘em— an’, anyway, [ couldn't turn to either side, as I was grazin’ th’ moun- tain on one hand an’ jest missin’a precipice by two inches on th’ other. It was pretty thrillin’, I tell ye. I'd jest got on my pajamas an’ was blowin’ out th’ light, when "—— «* Your—what ?” exclaimed Winchester Bill as he drew down his brows like a thunder-cloud. «My night-clothes, ye know. I'd jest got ‘em on when some one yelled * Fire!’ I tore up on deck an’ found six hundred men, women an’ children ravin’ an’ tearin’ their hair to be saved. Th’ captain said he'd run th’ ship ashore, as it was only a mile away. They crowded on steam an’ was scootin’ for shore faster'n a hungry horse can trot to dinner, when a fearful cry went up. Th’ child was diggin’ holes in th’ sand right where we would strike the beach! It looked mighty bad, an’ there wasn’t much time to lose if we expected to save that kid, as th’ auto was jumpin’ forty foot "— “Th auto!" said George Simms with some disgust. The narrator glanced appealingly around the circle and held his head up haughtily. He stopped abruptly and grabbed his shirt."* ++ As I was sayin’ when th’ gentleman interrupted me, our auto was jumpin’ forty foot every time she hit a car-track. Something got wrong with th’ steerin’-gear as we turned the corner, an’ jest then I saw th’ child standin’ right in th’ track stranglin’ a pet kitten. We were only five yards away when I noticed th’ bag was leakin’ gas to beat two of a kind, an’ "—— “Bag? , what is this, anyway 2?" snorted Sure-eyed Sam. **Th’ balloon, son. She'd sprung a leak, an’ we was comin’ down like a bucket of mud. Th’ kid was right below, ye see, an’ we yelled till we was purple, but it never moved. Jest as we could reach out an’ brush its hair, th’ wind hit us an’ slammed us up against th’ front of a buildin’ across th’ street. Th’ bottom of th’ basket broke out, we hit th’ ground, an’ I crawled over here on a pair of roller-skates, If it hadn't been for this gentleman's generosity, I'd ‘a’ had a bad attack of heart-disease, which I'm bothered with—catches me sudden most any time. It—er—ah-ah-h !” He stopped abruptly and grabbed his shirt. His eyes rolled and his tongue hung out like a signal of distress. Winchester Bill seized him by the shoulders and slid him rapidly to the bar, where the mixer dexterously gave him a strong antidote and staved off the impending. attack, After the stranger had been deposited on the stool once more, Bill remarked, ++ Him—havin’ heart-disease—eh, boys?” Next day the depot-agent walked a mile to find out why they laughed. ce ited fen ait and time life, tunco life, case, torall whic our | meni inwa who being the | behit no n comicbooks.com