Judge — July 6, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHOOPEES AND ROAMIN’-CANDLES AT JUG SIDING. A) 1 O' JULY never heads this way but what I sort o° \ WH recomember o” the time I—— But reckon I S never tol’ yuh—did I, cunnel ?—'bout the time I done up a gourd or two more o’ the o-be-joyful than I was gauged jes’ fer to hold, ef you kin be- lieve setch a thing could ever be a-happenin‘. No? I thought not, mebbe.” The convivial party from the Jug Siding stretch of Texas timber land was in reminiscent mood. ‘Fo'th of July never heads this way but what I recomember o' it, "kaze the way 0’ it was that my feller-citizens 0’ Jug Sidin’ they was all-pizen sot to make freedom shriek one Fo'th o° July, an’ they did turn in an’ make the little lady holler, too, I'm bound to tell yuh! Why, the red licker guggled like tumblin’ brooks! I never did see setch joy! An‘ I \\. burnt mo'n a pound o' powder my own se, gittin’ a little time fen — now an’ then to tetch it off, betwixt drinks, ania “Fireworks? Say, cunnel, I hain't got time to tell yuh ‘bout ‘em. I'll jes’ Wh TW il slip in a word, though, an’ say that ef ever them red an’ blue an’ green an’ yaller : I , fire-ball-spittin’ things they call roamin'-candles ever roamed round anybody's kentry the way they did at Jug Sidin’ that Fo'th o' July, I'd jes’ like to know whar it mowt ‘a’ ben. Reckon! An’ Sam Padgitt, gittin’ sore tired kaze o’ the prema- toor runnin’ dry of a jug him an’ Pete Simes was coaxin’ eagle-screamin’ patri'tism out of, snuck a skyrocket an’ tetched it off. She cut a streak o’ fire ag’in the sky, an’ busted into oodles o' fiery sarpents an’ poppin’ an’ twisty things ; but the stick kim down an’ stabbed Bullneck Joe Sawyer’s best pig in the back till that pig jes’ drownded out freedom’s shriekin’ with its squeals. Oh, hominy, cunnel! how that pig did holler! An’ Bullneck Joe, he scrumbled into Pete, an’ purty soon lead was flyin’ ez thick ez it did at Bunker Hill. An’ to even things up a little fer the way the gunnin’ wound up, Bullneck Joe married Pete's widder couple weeks arterw'ds. Say! setch a Fo'th o’ July ez that un was! Oh, shucks, honey! “But ez to them ‘ar roamin'-candles. That's the p'int I'm headin’ ag‘in. PATRIOTIC. Artemesy—that's my ol’ wooman—she reckoned they looked so condemn purty in the'r wrappin’s that she somehow’ruther made out to lay holt on to a couple on ‘em, an’ tuck ‘em home an’ sot one on to each end 0’ the settin’-room shelf; an’ abo ec yoo ‘ar! in’ | Inji abo “Where are you going on the Fourth?" “In the morning I call on a Daughter of the Revolution, In the afternoon on a Martha Washington Society girl, and they suttinly did look ormamentin’ fine—they did so. They ‘minded me so o' the tus tosupertn, wall take one of the’ Yankee Doodle cho- a sperrit 0° ‘seventy-six every time I looked wher at ‘em that I'd go an’ take a lap or two o° tee SS the candle had an all-pizen long wick to it, me the sperrit o’ the present day an’ gineration. -SXs> but I reckoned that was mebbe the way I leat But that ain’t the p'int I'm headin’ yuh — was seein’ things, so I lit it. But the dag- aunt ag'in, neither. sousin’ thing didn't flare up none, an’ I “« Nex’ week arter that ‘ar Fo'th o' July begun to sw'ar kaze it didn’t give no more vot me an’ some other feller-citizens got to- light than a lightnin’-bug out in the swamp, befo gether an‘ was tryin’ to help the gover’ when fizz! sput! splutter! bang ! she went ' “ ment along by tryin’ to fix a bar'l 0° co'n- an’ spit a ball o' fire redder'n the wattles We juice so’s it'd have to be filled ag'in an’ take on a wild turkey-cock. some more rev'noo-stamps. That's the way “That ‘ar ball o’ fire plunked ag‘in it kim, tryin’ to be patriotic ez a side-issue, the ceilin’, an’ Artemesy quit snorin’ to MAN that I got my innards soaked ‘way bove the linin’. 1 had a reg’lar Jug-Sidin’ whoopee on when I headed fer home—an’, cunnel, a reg'lar Jug-Sidin’ whoopee is all the rest wunst an’ jumped outen bed an’ begun to holler. I bung on to the candle, an’ she spit a green ball. That un scalped Arte- mesy’s night-cap offen her head slicker'n I 0’ the whoopees o' this great an’ glorious iM ROYAL FOWL. could ‘a’ yanked it off. What with the can- kentry of our'n rolled into one, an’ more'n ¥ Wal Tekecaeonn” Tate an entire package of ‘le spittin’ fire-balls an’ Artemesy a-holler- enough left over to start trouble in foreign torpedoes for breakfast this morning.” in’ an’ duckin’, it woke Artemesy’s mother, “| parts. When I got home Artemesy had who was down from Scratchall on a quiet gone to bed, an’ the house was darker'n the inside of a tar-bar'l. I visit, an’ she kim sousin’ into the room jest ez the purtiest kind o' a tuck to feelin’ round fer a candle, an’ I found one on the settin’-room _yaller ball, full o’ vim ez I was o' that ‘ar patriotic side-issue, spit outen shelf. I struck a match an’ lit her. ‘Peared to me at the time that the candle. It met the old lady half way an’ socked ag'in her jest (Continued on next page.) tions that nervy’ drinl now I is troul Me soine fee 1 knov fair and | tious Post the | Mr. Buo (reconnoitering)}—"'| can't see who Natu it.was that shot, but they knocked the stuffing out tem, of it all right.” one THE UNSEEN ENEMY. as w aR Mille, Mr. Buo—"‘Oh, my! Just look! ‘There's big green and red dragon belching fire."* comicbooks.com