Judge — June 1, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

225 Fourru Ave., New You, Canta Appress, Wesreen Anvexrisinc € uniteo sari One copy, one year. « (One copy, for thirteen weeks FOREIGN SUB: Eunornan saves-acents—/nternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, F. ( The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamoed and self-adsressed ert DRAWINGS and att ¢ descrivtive letter oress tasure safe and promot return of material not accepted. MW JUDGE canoot be fou tributions sent fo the Art Deoartment shoul have the sende len uid in ebery instance be eoritten upon its indtoidaal picture, and NOT wi “WHAT IS A DEMOCRAT,” AND WHEN AND WHERE? JUDGE takes pleasure in presenting herewith a photographic composite which perfectly answers the long and anxious query of the New York World, “ What is a Democrat?’ Our presentment has the further merit that it also answers the question, ‘* What is the Democracy?” We have looked up and down the country, and carefully culled and searchingly com- pared the personnel of the Democracy and the outthrobbings of its diversi« fied intellect. By the familiar process of elimination, leaving only those men and principles which are representative of the party as a whole, we arrive at our composite, The result is entirely satisfactory. We think we have here a photograph of the only really representative Democrat and of the only genuinely representative Democracy in the country. Whatever is Democratic in one section is canceled by a contrary Democracy in an- other section; and the Democrat who is applauded in one state is denounced or disowned almost everywhere else. By assembling the irreconcilables, massing their pugnacities, summing up their contrarieties, and bulking their mutual aversions, we find that they exactly cancel and destroy each other. Consider, for example, the problem of the four Toms. How is it possible to find accord in such diverse potentials as Tom Watson, Tom Johnson, Tom Ryan, and Tom Taggart? They do not blend. Nor will Tomwatsonism and Tomryanism dwell to- gether in the same political frame. As to Tomjohinsonism and Tomtaggartism, the mere suggestion of agreement is absurd. Consider the grievous discord of the Three Bills—Bill Bryan, Bill Conners and Bill Hearst; or try to yoke the two Joes—Joe Bailey and Joe Folk—and then join these with Alton B. and Grover C. A child will see the futility of the attempt. This impossible equation takes no account of such further factors as Marse Henry and Pitchfork Ben; and to make confusion worse confounded, just try in imagination to organize this bunch into a single body and then to inject into this such fur- ther ingredients as Charlie Murphy, Pat McCarren, Satellite Ihmsen, the Roger Sullivans, and the rest of the luminaries that range at will in the fiery constellations of the Democratic heavens. The late Mr. Thomas Reed was in the habit of saying that the Democracy was made up of first- rate individuals, but that where it failed was in trying to be a crowd. A crowd must of necessity move together. When a crowd undertakes to act as individual units, all the units having a mind to go in different directions, it is no longer a crowd, but a mob and a riot. We feel anxious about the Democracy. We would not en- large upon its troubles, but rather offer sympathy and a helping hand. But we must be truthful, and we feel that we are photographically exact when we thus frame up the representative Democrat and the representative Democracy, so that all may look upon the picture and see what they are—not. . TO SUIT ALL AND yet there is force in Marse Henry’s metaphor. That dark horse which will * fill the loose sails of the old ship Zion with hopeful gales and perhaps prove an Abraham Lincoln to the lost sheep’—— But that'll do, RIPTIONS—T il name and adiress written spon a senarate sitD of pacer. PICTURE OF THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO SEEMS PUBLISHED W JopcarK.” Tet. 2214 Gramercy, tfor TERMS TO SUBSCRIT AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. 1313 Ha Building, Chicago, Tit, RS: zthe Cunisraas Juoce. 1m the postal union, $5.0 a year. London: Brentano's, Avenue del" Opera, Paris: Suarbach's News Exchange, 3 infringement of this conyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. + otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. on each and every sesarate sketch. The accompanying joke or Inclosure of stamps to the full amount of postage (8 also required, 10 18 news-stand, the publishers will be under obligations if that fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. AT dark horse which Marse Henry is training appears to be something in the nature of a mare’s nest. T! THAT Empire State blacklist seems to have been played up so black that it got on the nerves of the listed. What are we coming to when the terrible political bosses are turning to cry-babies and confessing all their sins? We believe this man Hughes was once defined as an *‘ ani- Well, all right; let it go at that. Bro THER HEARST, for a man who declares that he is out of politics, seems to be calling a good many Hearst conferences these days. T LAST the New York Sun has discovered a precise appellation for the President. ‘* The Supreme Catapan” strikes us as being a happy hit—for the Sun. ET’S see. mated feather duster.’” AFTER all, when it comes right down to brass tacks, even the best poli- ticians will bid good-bye to the big cam- paign contribution with a pensive sigh. AT LAST the secret of the six best sell- ers is out. Publicity and popularity is all a question of “‘ blurb,” this being de- fined as a “ sound like a publisher.” How beautiful is harmony! Look at Mlinois. There is not a ripple on the surface of her politics. It’s Uncle Joe, and to the dickens with the rest of the bunch. . . HE idea seems to be growing that a marriage ceremony is to be considered as the “incense of a sacrament” rather than “the chloride of lime of social sanita- tion.” Think it over, THE eternal feminine! No getting away from it. Look at the woman who locked her husband out of doors every night and then threw a pillow out of the window for him to rest his head on. AYOR THOMPSON of Detroit is after the laurels of Three-cent Tom of Cleveland. Brother Thompson has is- sued the ukase, “ Marry if you want of- fice.” Unmarried men, says the mayor, are “just gay young dogs.” SPEAKING of the new British invention, ‘a newspaper headline suggests that the south needs the gyroscope. DEMOCRATS. What's the matter with the Hon, John Temple Graves, the Hon. Benjamin Till- man, and others? THE one lone pupil in Mr. Carnegie’s school of brick-laying in Pittsburg suggestively parallels the one lone reader we saw lately patiently ab- sorbing knowledge in a $500,000 Carnegie free library. comicbooks.com