Judge — May 18, 1907 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT WE ARE COMING TO. “Why won't the children play with you, little girl?” “They say my father works for a trust.” THE ALL-ROUND MAN. (Somewhat after one Rudyard Kipling.) S I was a-shovelin’ on the Ditch, aboard of a gov'ment car. I seed a man like a full-grown whale, an’ I asked ‘oo in elle are. *E was built on the lines of a bloomin’ drum, an’ was circular fore an’ aft; An’ some one says ‘e's our all-round man—the President's roustabout, Taft. Now, ‘is work begins at Gawd knows when, an’ tis work is never through ; "E's ‘ere an’ there on the ship of state to say w'at's w'at to the crew— *E’s a kind of versatyle man at repairs, a-makin’ the works run true. "E's the ‘andy Jack of diplomacy’s trade, an’ ’e puts on alll kinds of fronts. ‘One day ‘e boos at the little brown men ‘oo are keen for their bolo stunts ; 'E jollies the cock-fightin’ Cuban now an’ ‘e frightens the Moro then ; _-- To the ends of the earth ‘e carries ‘is smile an’ ‘is diplomatic pen ; For there isn't a job that the gov’ment has that the beggar can’t carry through : ‘When others are sleepin’ their cares away ‘e's addin’ up two an’ two. "E's a Johnny-upon-the-big-big-spot, peace man an’ fighter, too. ‘You will find ‘im a-doin’ the social king an’ a-leadin’ the talk an’ fun, An’ the next ‘e'll be sweatin’ ten thousand miles from the big dome at Wash- ington ; Il turn up in the Buckeye State with a footballish sort of yell, A.playin’ a strong game at politics an’ givin’ 'is enemies ‘ell. Of miles on the land an’ sea 'e’s gone a million, or maybe two, An’ ‘e's slavin’ an’ sweatin’ an’ smilin’, 'e is, for the glory of me an’ you. ‘E's a sort of insurance, is big Bill Taft—life kind an’ accident, too! AKTHUR CHAPMAN. HELLO GIRL GOT IT ALL DOWN. ‘¢} JELLO! Is this the Grand Hotel?” asked the man at the ‘phone. ++It is," sweetly responded the young woman at the other end. “Will you please ask Mr. Henry Perkins, who is stopping there, to ring me up this afternoon ?” “Yes, sir. Who shall I say he is to ring?” “D. B. Feely.” +B, D. Greeley “No, no! D. B. Feely.” +P, Beef Healy ?” “No! Can't you get it? Listen—D. B. Feely. Understand ?* NOT GOING TO BE TOO PARTICULAR. Chloe - ‘sa mighty awnry niggah, Sam.” Sambo. ter ‘vent dat?” Chloe—"1 ain't Sambo— Den whaffo’ yo" gwine- ter say whad yo’ done sade? Yo" ’s gwineter marry me, ain't yo’, Chloe 2” Chloe—""Deed Lis, honey. But ain't gwineter marry yo’ ‘caze I don't know yo’ 's awnry—'caze yo’ is. Ef I's gwineter be dat ‘tickler I's done gwine- ter fill a maiden’s grave, sho.” ‘Whad yo" gwineter do “Spell it, please.” “D.—get that? A, B,C, D—get it? allright? F,E, E,L, Y—Feely. Got it? to ring me up. He'll know what it means.” When Mr, Perkins returned to the hotel he received a memoran- dum saying, + Please call up Mr. A.B.C.D.A.B.F.E.E. Yelly.” B—understand? A, B— All right. Just tell him ter-day. St I don't care ter go." REVENGE, First suatt sor—"'I'm goin’ ter git square wid pa fer lickin’ me ND SMALL soY—'' How yer goin’ ter?” First suatt. soy—"* When de circus comes along I'm goin’ ter say comicbooks.com