Judge — May 11, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEVKLY nw York. Canin Appress, “ JODGARK.” 2214 Gramencr. 225 Fourtu Ave. Te. Westen Apvextisixc O 1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Mt, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE, Dee Evpy: tor thateen week . ‘ Includin SCRIPTIONS—To a ondom : Brentano's, Avenue del” Opera, Paris: Sa the Contsrotas Jon FOREI oreign countries in the postal union, "4 building, Chancery Lame, F.C. Mains, Germany. The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Brit. Infringement of this cooyright will be promptly and CONTRIBUTORS mist inciose a stamped and sel!-adiressed erivelove with all manuscrtots, otherwise return of the latter when fount unavailatie DPAWINGS ant descrictive letter insure safe and promt return of material not accented. 1 JUDGE cannot be found at aay eews-stand, the publishers SOME SHORT, SIMPLE RULES FOR BRINGING ON A PANIC. T SEEMS to be agreed on all sides that we have had prosperity long enough, and that a panic is now due. It would appear to be agreed further that the ideal time for a panic is immediately before and during a presidential contest. This being the case, a few short, simple rules for bringing on the much-predicted panic would seem to be in order, Most panics proceed from an impulse and an argument. Whether one is the cause of the other, or whether both proceed from underlying causes, may for the present be dismissed. It is enough to know that they go together, each one in turn fortifying and helping on the other, The way to create the panic-impulse is easy. First of all, look panicky and talk panicky. Be doleful and lose no opportunity to magnify the ills of society. If it be dis- covered that one or a dozen men are dishonest, immediately cry from the housetops that all men are dishonest. If graft and corruption be exposed in certain high places, trumpet the findings to the world in the shape of a blanket indictment of all men in high place. And especially when the pub- lic conscience is aroused, and efforts are made as at no previous time to correct the ills of society and to drive out graft and corruption, cite this fact, not as a hopeful circumstance, but as a most appalling and disheartening evidence of deterioration in the public mind. The argument for a panic is logic of the simplest kind. Firstly, there have been panics before. Why not again? Secondly, panics follow eras of great prosperity. This is an era of great prosperity. Therefore, apanic should follow. Thirdly, prosperity debases the public mind and dollarizes the ambitions of the people. A good dose of depression is the only corrective. ail contribotions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and adiress “written plainly on each and every 'ss suid in ébery instance be written upon its indiwidaal picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paner. be under arate sketch. The accompanying joke or are of stamos 10 the fall amount of postage Is also required, 10 gations if that fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter, HOW to manage a legislature appears to be the principal gubernatorial question just now. i, in % Poor Pittsburg! After all the other things it has suffered, to think that it must now undergo a case of ‘* Pneumonokoni my ‘ALK about refori When the big meat-packers begin to furnish their employés with manicures, we guess reform is going some. T WOULD seem that a lot of other people besides JUDGE begin to see the wisdom of our motto, “ Leave Well Enough Alone.” ROCKEFELLER Refuses Aid, says a newspaper headline. That's the way with some people—so proud that they would rather suffer on than let anybody help them. W'TH Watterson predicting the election of Hughes in 1908 and John Temple Graves urging Bryan to nominate Roosevelt, certainly all the political signs are off. CANT beat our New York men. What other city can show a broker with $20,000 of stolen bonds in his bed? Likely to find securities most anywhere in little old New York. wae THE suicide is coming to bea nuisance. New Yorker walked into the house of a per- fect stranger and asked per- mission to use the parlor for the purpose of shuffling off his mor- Hence, we need it. A multitude of lesser expedients will help on the general disaster. For one thing, if a rich man with a grouch talks silly, let the editors spread it before the nation in “Horse Heads” as the wisdom of a prophet. Reformers can do much to assist toward the calam- ity. They can promote their re- form measures in such a vengeful and menacing mood that they will throw a legitimate scare into industry. They can charge mal- ice to public men who are as guiltless as themselves in pro- ducing conditions which need the corrective of wise laws and pa- tient statesmanship. And they can promote such disordered views of “High Finance" and “Industrial Leaders” that re- forms take on the spirit of venge- ance rather than the spirit of progress. Go to, then, and bring the panic on. Where a business is prospering go after it with an axe. If men are employed at good wages, abuse their employers. ever is, is wrong. Away with it! Let the panic arrive. That scheme to burn ashes looks like a good thing. promising as perpetual motion. What- In fact, it looks as GPReaT is invention, We read of clothing made of paper, rugs and shoes made of paper, and of paper yarn, Sounds almost like some of the prospectuses of gold-mines that we read. Uncue Sam—" Hey! if you want to put out that fire quit blowing f tal coil. we USBANDS are unreasonable. He snored. She blew a lit- tle tin whistle which she carried to bed with her as a sort of counterblast to the snore. He demands divorce. How unrea- sonable husbands are! A NEW YORK woman, charg- ing that a face-dentist had taken away her dimple but left her mole, is awarded $1,200. That establishes a sort of an equation between a dimple and a mole, but what is the real price of either one alone? coe E LEARN with some sur- prise that the Paris sub- way is provided with a scent- distributing apparatus which supplies a delicious perfume to the passengers. With an expe- rience limited to the metropolis, we had supposed that it was part of the duty of a subway to smell bad. THE Thaw jury having organized into a social club, we shall expect to see the Thaw lawyers organize next, and then the experts for and against might form social groups. The same idea could be applied to the witnesses for the prosecution and for the defense, and then all of these groups might federate into some permanent form. The same example could be followed in other first-class murder cases until—— Well, there is no end to the possibilities. comicbooks.com