Judge, 1907-05-04 · page 10 of 16
Judge — May 4, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains multiple satirical pieces mocking contemporary concerns circa early 1900s: **"Singing a Revised Version"** parodies the nursery rhyme "Sing a Song of Sixpence," replacing it with dark humor about automobiles killing pedestrians—a new menace of the motor age. The joke targets reckless drivers and society's casual attitude toward early car fatalities. **"Mr. Hill's Instructions"** satirizes James J. Hill, the powerful Great Northern Railroad magnate. The anecdote ridicules his absolute authority: even railroad policy against shipping corpses on freight trains gets overruled when Hill personally intervenes, ordering a body held until they can fill a railcar—treating the deceased as cargo to maximize efficiency. **Other sketches** include marital humor, poetry criticism, and children's jokes about school and religion—typical light filler for the magazine. The overarching targets are industrial-age excess (automobile danger, railroad ruthlessness) and the unchecked power of wealthy magnates over civic rules.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SINGING A REVISED VERSION. GING 2 song of sipence, Chauffeur full of rye Four-and.twenty bike. Watch him whizzi When they saw him passing ‘They began to chase. Wasn't it a dainty trick For him to set the pace? Chauffeur at the steer-wheel Goes like all the money. Perfect Queen beside him Seems to think it funny. Maiden in a garden Hanging up the clothes ; Auto skids and strikes her, Up the lady goes! ‘This space reserved For paragraph On maiden's life And epitaph. mTW COLWELL IN CLUBDOM. Presioent of Motners’ Cius—" Heavens, Maggie! whose child is that?” Maccit—"* Yours, mum."* Presioent of Morners’ CLus—'* Oh, yes: I forgot.” THE JEALOUS ONE. S4OH. YES." said the maker of verse; “Van Scribble is all right on prose, but when he tac- kles rhyme I can’t say he makes a scintillating suc- cess." * You don’t think his Pegasus is well gaited, eh?" asked the other. + Tdon’t think his Peg- asus is 4 flying horse,” said the maker of verse. «It reads to me more like a horse-tly. SOAS their marriage a failure ?” FOR IT GOES ON FOREVER. Oh, no, They were “There is every reason to believe that the ancients used illuminat- ¢ dug up an article which I have no doubt was a primitive form divorced before it had a of gas-meter. CHOOSING THE UMPIRE. “What's the matter, silly ?”" **Boo-hoo! Me teacher says I'm a dunce an’ won't never amount ter nothin’. * “Hey, fellers! we got de umpire fer de game!" MR. HILL'S INSTRUCTIONS. [IS distinctly forbidden among the railroads everywhere to haul dead bodies on freight-trains, It was also as distinctly forbidden in the offices of the Great North- ern to disturb James J. Hill after he had gone home for the day. An attempt to violate the former rule resulted in a flagrant viola- tion of the latter. Application was made by an undertaker in a North Dakota town for permission from the local agent of the Great Northern to ship a late-lamented to St. Paul on an afternoon freight, the de- ceased having carelessly waited till after the passenger-train had gone before cashing in. “TL can't do it,” said the agent. ‘It's against the rules.” * Ask the division superin- tendent,” urged the undertaker. GROUNDS FOR PREJUDICE. “Why don’t you like the new minister, Jimmy ***Cause every time he calls at our house I has ter have me hands an’ face washed." “«L will, but it won't do any good,” was the reply. The agent was right; but the division superintendent asked the official chance to be that.” Tue MouseMoLosR—"* Was it still working?” next above him, and so on till the office of Mr. Hill was appealed to as a court of last resort. Much against their in- clinations, the office assist- ants referred the matter to the magnate, who was at that time (eleven p,m.) at his home between the Twin Cities. Mr. Hill looked over the message and grim- ly affixed thereto the fol- lowing indorsement over his signature: “Hold corpse till you get a full car-load.” SY APLEY makesa great boast of always speak- ing as he thinks. Does he 2” “Yes; only more fre- quently. comicbooks.com