Judge, 1907-04-20 · page 7 of 16
Judge — April 20, 1907 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century American life: **"Keeps Him Busy"** ridicules the elderly and patent medicine industry—an elderly man named Humpter makes money writing false testimonials for dubious medicines and liquors, exploiting his age as credibility. **"When the Auto Stuck"** satirizes wealth inequality, suggesting that if money were divided equally, no one could afford automobiles anyway—a dig at both automobiles as luxury goods and economic disparity. **"Little Willie's Diary"** is darkly comic domestic chaos: a child chronicles weekly disasters (fires, drowning, broken bones, lost eyes, parental drunkenness marked as "SOUSE," "JAG," "SKATE," "LOAD," "BUN," "TIDE") where each day ends with father arriving home intoxicated. The humor relies on exaggerated slapstick violence and alcoholism—period comedic conventions now recognized as disturbing. The remaining items are brief jokes about marriage ("Henpeck"), seasickness, hard work, and railroad lost-and-found—typical light humor of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
KEEPS HIM BUSY. #6QED man Humpter must be well on toward the cen- tury-mark," observed the man with the pickle for a watch-charm. +L should say he is !" replied the man with the low-cut ears. «He turned a hundred and two last week.” “Poor old fellow! At his age it is simply impossible for him to engage in any remunerative work.” «Why, he is making more money now than ever before in his life «What does he do?” ++ Writes testimonials for pat- ent medicines and liquors. They say he has a waiting-list four pages long.” ITS STRONG POINT. First farmer (as large tour- ing-car goes by)—** Powerful ma- chine, that.” Second farmer (sniffingly)— 1 “Yep. Must be all uv sixty 7 Social Nas sotno go64 palate, skunk power.” “Well, if all money were equally divided, nobody would have enough to own an automobile.” WHEN THE AUTO STUCK. LITTLE WILLIE’S DIARY. WN a di'ry, Ido. Cost me sixteen cents. Going to put down what takes place. Here's where I commence. Monday. Got my hooks in dad's cigars, collared half a pie ; Baby brother fell down stairs, knocked out half an eye. Cook she kerosened the stove, set fire to the house ; Hack just drove up to the door—pop 's home with a SOUSE! Tuesday. Turned the bath:room water on, drowned the folks beneath ; Baby 's fell down stairs again, knocked out half his teeth. Tied a brick to Fido's tail, so his tail can't wag has hydrophobia—pop 's home with a JAG! Wednesday. Couk has swiped mom's" di'mond ring. Dr. Jones is here. (Got the old man’s razor out, cut off half my ear.) Baby out the window pitched, neck broke sure as fate ; Fearful crash in hall down stairs—pop 's home with a SKATE! Thursday. Landlord 's served a dispossess, Tom has grip and croup ; Baby 's lost the other eye—tumbled off the stoop. Fooling with dad's old shot-gun—foot 's out in the road ; Doc Jones here to sew it on—pop ’s home with a LOAD! Friday. Cook broke all the chinaware, fired it at “mom's” head ; Baby went down air-shaft, bang! doc allows he's dead, Landlord camping on the stoop, says he needs the mon Fierce fight in the parlor—wow! pop ’s home with a BUN! Suturday. Cook 's lit out for parts unknown, silver 's vanished, toc Bulldog 's chewed the landiord up, landlord says he'll sue. Raby 's tumbled off the roof, crowd ‘and cops outside ; Mom’s brought suit for a divorce— pop ’s home with a TIDE! SURE THING. ‘Sad “Do you know any way to avoid seasickness? When pop hit the house last night, “Yes; keep canceling your sailing date."’ loaded up for bear, , - Z Ma got next his whiskers and WES THE OLD, OLD STORY. = hlenaneet rail ber eight \ OF mystic “ new-thought™ cults I've tried in his eye she drove. In vain to be a scholar, Pop's just found my di'ty—and P Only to learn that, after all," dry *s in the STOV y It takes hard work to earn the dollar. CHARLES NOEL DOUGLAS, ONE AT A TIME. fOOK HIM LITERALLY. <a sO\WHEN do you expect to begin working the mine?” Renpeck—That woman SS + As soon as we get through with the public.” is unspeakable.” AN EXPERT OPINION. , Henpeck—“Then she's Proresson Drake —""And this, my dears, EVERYTHING lost on a railroad is found—but you seldom just the woman for me.” is what is known as a submarine bird.” get it. comichooks.