Judge — April 20, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. BETTY DODSWORTH IN THE ‘* BELLE OF MAYPAIR,"’ AT DALY'S. In the May day and the heyday Of youthful charm art thou: Hence the way a crowd on pay-day Rushes gladly to your show, PANAMA, THE PUP REPUBLIC, PANAMA is the pup repub- lic. It was sired by Uncle Sam and dammed by Dame Colombia. Dammed may be spelled two ways. Puppy Panama lived hap- pily with Mamma Colombia until the big papa-dog got snappish; then the papa-dog took the pup away from its mamma, and is now standing guard over it with a Big Stick in his mouth, Panama is so small that a shrewd Yankee has invented special eye-glasses for discov- ering it on the map. Price per pair furnished on application. One pair will do for you and your wife. Panama is so small that you can’t see it with both eyes at once. Panama is a very danger- ous streak of space to try to stand still on, That accounts for the recent activity down there. A person has to keep moving lively to maintain his balance, for there is a large ocean running along each side. Even then he is sure to wet the edges of his soles. Persons who visit Panama should provide themselves with balanc- ing-poles. A few rehearsals on a tight-rope before starting are advis- able. This precaution may prevent you from getting a surf-bath out of season. Very fine fishing is to be had from Panama. In addition to your balancing- pole, you should carry two fish-poles. You can fish in the Atlantic with one and in the Pacific with the oth- er—that is, if you know how to sit astraddle. But be careful when you cut bait, or you may tip over one way or t’other, Also be exceedingly careful when you get a bite. If you jerk too hard you may merely transfer the fish from the Pacific to the Atlantic, or vice versa. Panama is a fine resort for narrow-minded persons. ROUEITUS LOVE, HER PROBABLE FATE, Mrs. Housefly—“Now, my daughter, you are equip- ped for the summer. Be- ware of the young men.” Miss Housefly (coyly) —"Ah, yes; I'll try to. I suppose it will be my fate to get mashed on some old bald head.” MAY REDIVIVUS, MARY bad a tittle ‘am, Also some little buns. She made sandwiches out of them Just like the railroad ones. SOME society women are not as bad as they paint themeelve. for me. KEPT HIS PROMISE. “Do you use your safety-deposit vault much?" Oh, I keep an umbrella in it." ‘What for?" A GENTLE THREAT. Rownper—'* | do not expect to be home till late, so don't sit up ~ Mrs. Rownper—"‘All right, dear: but I hope it won't be neces- sary for me to sit on you when you do get home.”* ALL ON HIS NERVE. TN Nervely —* Hello, (Ne Jack! Got a clove in your pocket ?” Markly—"Yes, Here you are, old man.” Nervely —* Thanks ! Now, have you a match?” Markly—" have. Help yourself.” Nervely — + Thanks Loan me your cigar-cutter for a second, will you?” Markly — «Certainly! But where's your cigar 2” Nervely—" Why, was just going to ask you for one.” Mar kly —" Humph! Well, here you are. The match you borrowed is to light the cigar, I suppose, and the cigar-cutter is to take the end off?” Nervely—*" You've guessed it, old chap.” Markly — But what did you borrow the clove for?" Nervely—" Oh, that's to eat after I take that drink you are going to buy me.” HIS MERRY QUIP. HERE was an old scout name o' Shorb ; Bad liquor he loved to absorb. When he entered a bar ‘You could hear near and far His demand for ‘1a swig of red-orb.”” H, the expense of being Well, I promised my wife to put something in the bank for a rainy day.” popular!