Judge — April 13, 1907 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SELF-EXPLANATORY. SO YVILL you kindly explain your condition 2” asked the wife with such dignity as she could command after wait- ing up until three a. m. “Zhat'sh woman of it! commented the husband thick- ly. “Can't un’shtan’ shomepin’ zhat’sh perf'ly plain.” NOT EVEN STILL. A MAN convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still ; A maid convinced against her will Is not convinced, nor even still. ‘THE PATIENCE OF MRS. JOB. Teacher —** Who was the most patient person that ever lived 2” Student—« Mrs. Job.” Teacher—* How do you make that out Student— Why, Job en- dured a whole lot, but she had to endure Job.” it strong, Wilson.” PLAYING HOOKY. A boy nearly caught me to-day.” «He was playing hooky, | suppose.” ANOTHER SUGGESTION, G4 this the art of living lies: To want no more than may suffice.” Old quotation. This, too, is pretty cute, you bet : To want no more than you can get. DIDN'T KNOW WHICH GOT HIT. AN IRISHMAN, passing along the street one day, was hit on the head by a brick which had drop- ped from a new building. Thinking he had cause for complaint and damages, he consulted a lawyer, who advised bringing suit. The case came before the proper authorities, and the man was awarded fifty dollars damages. Wishing to settle with the lawyer who had conducted the case, he asked for the bill. «Well, I think fifty dollars will be about right,” said the lawyer. The money was paid. After a while, observing that the Irishman was evidently puzzling over some knotty question, he asked what was the trouble. “+ Begorra!" replied the Irishman, +I was just wondering who got hit—you or I.” At DODGING ADVERSE CRITICISM. THE PLAY, E WAS the villain of the play, The lovely heroine was she. Night after night she had to say, “Lay not your evil hands on me!” And people hissed him for the way ———— mnt aad ‘THEORY UPSET. seDeE SQUALLE has dis- proved one pet theory, anyway.” What one, and how?” ++ It is commonly believed that lemons are good: for the voice, and his doesn’t improve in the least, in spite of the fact that the critics hand him a lemon everywhere he goes.” NARY A ONE! TRANGE, amid church-social whirl, Ne'er has been our luck to view E’en the shadow of a pearl Floating in an oyster-stew. DEFINED. Knicker— What is a sci- entist 2” Bocker—A man who wants to find out how many germs there are in spilled milk.” Fa —— Otp Bittion—"* Wilson, the people are becoming envious of us rich folks. You better give the newspaper men the story that | have been living on crackers and milk for the past year, owing to the delicate condition of my stomach—and make REVENGE is the pursuit of bad luck. He showed his deep-dyed villainy. He was the villain of the play, The lovely heroine was she. His wife she was, and both were glad. Behind the scenes they billed and cooed. She gave him all the love she had, And.he with kindness was imbued. Within their joyful hearts no sad Misgivings ever might intrude. His wife she was, and both were glad— Behind the scenes they billed and cooed. The world 's a stage and life ’s a play Wherein all people have their parts ; But ‘tis behind the scenes that they Too often sit with aching hearts. Before the footlights they are gay, Though nursing hate and hiding smarts. The world 's a stage and life's a play Wherein all people have their parts. Sm xiseR. own business. Duck actor—"'It certainly is the Umit when your own kith and kin is thrown at you!"* .L the commandments in one—Mind your ALL AT SEA. Orricen—"* Come along, here! me your hand ""— Mr. Biojac—"Tha’s all ri’. Save th’ women an’ chil'ren, I can shwim.”” Give THE ESTIMABLE FAMILY. ‘. EYNOLDS,” said Millionaire Banks to his valet, «go ‘round to the house of that little girl whom I ran down with the auto this morning and extend to the family my sincere regrets and sympathy. Also give them this fifty-dollar bill. 1 understand that they are very poor and in want.” Accordingly the valet obeyed. When he re- turned his master met him at the door. «Well, Reynolds?” “The father wished me to say, sir, that he hoped you wouldn't take the affair too much to heart. As for the family, they all feel very grateful to you, sir, and couldn't bring themselves to accept your very kind offer.” ++ A most estimable family! Yet I wonder why they didn't accept the money ?” “The father said that such matters should be arranged through his lawyer, sir.” HE man who believes all he hears will probably tell all he knows.