Judge, 1907-01-19 · page 10 of 16
Judge — January 19, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"An Experiment in Optimism"** (center): A young couple discusses whether positive thinking makes good things happen. Mr. Dallington uses this philosophy to propose marriage. The joke's twist: Miss Brooke deliberately placed shoes under the parlor curtain to simulate her father's presence, making Dallington think they're being observed. Her trick proves the opposite—she manipulated events through deception, not optimism. **"A Joke on the Dentist"** (right): An Irish woman jokes that a dentist advertising "painless" extractions nearly killed her, so the joke is on him—she survived despite his promises. **"Sagebrush Philosophy"** (top left): Cynical aphorisms mocking conventional wisdom and labor disputes. **"A Fling in Sing Sing"** (left): A newspaper man named Fling counterfeited currency so expertly it got him imprisoned at Sing Sing prison—his journalistic skills became criminal. The overall tone reflects Judge's irreverent social satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SAGE-BRUSH PHILOSOPHY. POOR stick of a man is never well posted. A jan-antic drunk is sometimes caused by one small drink. “Tisn't always the man with the most nose who knows the most. A negro cemetery is not necessarily a black- berrying ground. The labor-unionist thinks that half a loaf is bet- ter than no strike. Is it just to sentence a man to hard labor for stealing soft coal? When the wind blows great guns a weather- report generally follows. When people get hemmed in it is perfectly nat- ural for them to be ruffled. wiLevr sace. A FLING IN SING SING. NEWSPAPER man named Fling Could make * copy" from any old thing ; But the + he wrote Of a five-dollar note Was so good he has gone to Sing Sing. AN EXPERIMENT IN OPTIMISM. OTHING stood in his way now. They had the parlor to them- selves. “It's curious about opti- mism and pessimism, isn’t it?" “In what way?” she asked. **Why, for instance, if a man is an optimist things seem to come his way; whereas if he is pessimistic everything turns against him. That is to say, the things we think are going to hap- pen generally do happen. ++ Oh, I don’t believe in that the- ory. I've often thought things were going to happen when they didn't, and lots of other things have hap- pened when I didn’t believe they would,” “Yes, I know there are excep- tions to the rule; but, generally speaking, I think optimism brings the things one is anxious to have. For instance, here we are, Miss Brooke—you and I. Now, Iam a thorough-going optimist. I believe certain things are going to happen—certain things which will be profit- able and pleasing to me.” ** What have I to do with them, Mr. Dallington ?” “Well, perhaps nothing, as far as that is concerned, But here If I were, as I was saying, a pessimist I would There, you see, is we are, you and I. think the things I have in mind couldn't happen. where the pessimist loses out.” Yes.” “So we are bound to recognize the advantage of optimism, are we not ?* “Thaven't noticed them as yet.” + But you will if you make it a practice to be optimistic.” ++ Just a moment. It may be that I don’t quite understand this matter. Now, if—if, just for instance—if I were to think you would ask me to be your— your wife, that would be optimism, would it?” “ Er—yes.” + And if L thought there was no probability that you would propose marriage to me, that would be pessimism 2?” ++ You have grasped the idea.” + Or, to put it as you had it at first, what one thinks will hap- pen does happen, and what one is afraid won't happen doesn’t happen ?” “Of course there may be times when "—— She leaned forward and, whispering, said, “+ Look at the curtain.” He looked and turned a little pale. tain he saw the tips of two shoes. «Heavens !" he gasped. + Your father “'Sh-sh! Don’t let him know that he is discovered." At the bottom of the cur- A JOKE ON THE DENTIST. “Well, Mrs. Finnegan, hov yer had yure tooth pulled?” “Yis: an’, begorral th’ joke ‘s on th’ dintist?"" * How 30?” “He claimed to be wan av thim painless wans, an’ Oi niver wor so nearly kilt in all me loife."* Miss Brooke,” he you become my wife ?” “If you are sure you never can be happy without me, I suppose I must say yes.” After he had departed she went to the curtain and carelessly kicked aside a pair of shoes which she had placed there so that the toes would protrude a little way into the parlor. «Yes, she said to herself; + the things one thinks will happen sometimes do happen.” se xa. aid in unsteady tones, *« may I have the honor of MISS FITZ’S FITS. 'OR dresses of fashionable twist The Fitz fits are not to be missed. Miss Fitz fits you till Fitz misfits are nil, For Miss Fitz fits a miss with her fist. JACK AND THE KITTY. Mrs. Knicker —* Kindness has a wonderful effect on animals.” Mrs, Bocker—\ suppose that is why Jack is always trying to sweeten the kitty. MARRIED men are the best fighters—they have to fight. HIGH-PRICED NECESSITIES. The price of necessities is rising all the time.” Gricos—"'I know it. My debts are higher than ever.” comicbooks.com