Judge — January 12, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one yea! One copy, six One copy, for thirteen weeks i FORFIG: Eunornan sates-acewts—/atermational News Company, Bream's tui The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Brit. CONTRIBUTORS mit inctose a stamped and se Draw! descriotive letter insure safe and pro GS and all contribations sent to the Art Deoartmen pt return of material not accented. 1 JUDGE cannot be found at any news-stand, the publishers will be under obligations if THE YANKO-JAP WAR DRAWS ON APACE, WAR with Japan seems now inevitable. The Washington news- Paper correspondents are committed, and the worst is feared. Japan has no ships in readiness, nor any money just now, but the war is at hand. The valiant Yankee of the orient has got to lick the Yankee of the occident or get licked, and that’s all there is to it. Martial preparations are afield, and tocsin answers to tocsin wherever there is a bright political reporter with a feverish desire to “make good" with the editor. It’s terri- ble to be rushed into an awful war with a people who ought to love us since we ‘opened the door of civilization to them; but wars must come, and now is as good as any other time to pull off a scrap with these stuck-up people of small physique and the slanting eye. The signs are all of evil portent. Five Japs, knowing five languages, have arrived in Cuba. Two Japs were seen talking together mysteri- ously in a New York restaurant. Nogi’s veterans are gathering at the rate of three or four a year in Honolulu. A Jap was seen gazing covetously at the lights of New York from an Erie ferry-boat. Berlin reports a sinister Jap caught going into a chink laundry. President Roosevelt hasn’t written a message in a month. Secretary Taft seems preoccupied and reticent. Senator Platt looks worried. King Ed- ward was observed to swear at a royal footman. A Pacific sailor saw smoke on the horizon—no doubt a Jap armada under sail. The Czar is said to be almost jolly toward his servants. Finally, all is quiet in San Francisco, and all the fuss over the school incident was made on the Atlan- tic seaboard. And, anyway, it’s the periodical silly season, so let grim- visaged war come, if come it must. The Washington correspondents are committed and we can’t help ourselves. THE INCREASED COST OF TIME AND THE LOGIC THEREOF. Time is costing more, dear people. Did you know it? Clocks have gone up. The logic of the increase is the logic of trade. We shall hear more of this logic later on. Here is a small segment of it—for it runs in a circle: Living ’s up, so wages must go up. Wages go up to meet the in- creased cost of living. Then clocks go up because wages are up, and soon other things will go up for the same reason. Thus living expenses will be up again, and we shall have to get more wages,.and more wages will boost the living expenses, and we will have to demand higher wages, and these will in- crease living expenses, and—some day, if the agitators and politicians and busybod- ies will keep out of it and let this logic alone, the bootblack will get a million dol- lars for a shine and a billion-dollar tip, and then cross over to the cigar-store and blow in $500,000 for a cigarette. But the busy- bodies won’t stay out. They will go at the great business of wr igerighting, and the sky-scraping wage anu cost trend will be interfered with, and—but JUL posi- tively declines to prophesy. We venture, however, to say that the little motto on our front page, wisely construed, contains a real nugget of the pure gold of reason. Somewhere there is a gravestone, we believe, which bears the following inscription: ‘1 was well, | wanted to be better, and here | am.”” ould have the sender's full name and adiness written plainly on each and every senarate sketch. ress suid in ebery instance be written upon {ts individual picture, and NOT upon a seoarate slip of paver. Trek URSCRIPTION Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and Pigorously prosecuted. ne with all manascriots, otherivise return of the Latter when found unavailadie cannot be guaranteed. The accompanying foke or Inciosure of stamps to the fall amount of postage {s also required, 10 at fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter, SUMMER signs already appearing. It is announced, for instance, that ice will be high. I" 1S now open time on favorite-son booms. States having favorite sons will kindly get in line. AS THE peace wave advances our army, it will be noted, just naturally gravitates toward pistols of bigger calibre. S60 D2 LYMAN ABBOTT sees the day of “good corporations ” drawing nigh. This is because Dr. Abbott is a good man. PERSONS perfectly innocent should be careful when in New York to avoid the police or they may find themselves in jail. A FORECAST OF THE MODERN SKY-SCRAPER. HE RISE and progress of the’sky-scraper must shortly engage the at- tention of the learned classes; for theré can be no doubt that the next tier of sociological problems which man in his ascent will enter will have to do with this architectural monster. A New York cloud-bumper now under way will have twenty-two floors, 4,000 offices, and a population of 10,000 persons. A thriving city, at the point in its growth where a city begins to put on airs and feel proud, could be stowed away in this building very comfortably. It must be obvious that before long each sky- scraper will begin to develop a class-con- sciousness and vanity of its own, and we may look for sky-scraper politics and par- ties, and then the biggest will unite, and we shall have the sky-scraper trust. Final- ly a sky-scraper taller and more populous than the rest will insist on being set off in a state by itself, just as New York has from time to time considered steps for breaking into sovereignty, and each sky-scraper will have its own govern- tr, etc. A federation of sky-scrapers looms not distantly in the view, and perhaps the republic itself will ultimately play a poor second to the feudal might of a new sky-scraper barony. And then no doubt these sky-scrapers will go to war with each other, and the entire forty floors of the opposing powers will pour forth their awful cannon-fire. Such are the penalties of Progress. CONGRESS is through with “thru,” tho" the President and Andy: sti: stand pat. ‘0 IT was a lemon that Eve handed to Adam! thing sooner or later. Science finds out every- GERVIA might advertise thus: Persons wishing to sit on a small, bloody throne with ten tons of dynamite under it please apply. ROSPERITY as defined by Armour: Seventy-five per cent. of the de- mand is for twenty-five per cent. of the steer. Everybody wants the best cuts. MAYBE our cabinet-officers, congressmen, et al, at Washington don’t get as big salaries as they ought to get, but see what corking good jobs they get when they quit office! IENNA surgeon has transplanted a human eye. Great act. But what became of the fellow who lost the eye that was transplanted? Ought to hear from him before reaching final verdict. comicbooks.com