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Judge, 1907-01-12 · page 13 of 16

Judge — January 12, 1907 — page 13: what you’re looking at

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Judge — January 12, 1907 — page 13: Judge, 1907-01-12

What you’re looking at

This page is primarily **advertising**, with minimal satirical content. The main pieces are: **"Shake-Up in Metaphors"** - A humorous column collecting examples of mixed or mangled metaphors from public speakers (a minister, orator, counselor, and Hindu journalist). The joke is that these authority figures create absurd, contradictory imagery—like a minister "splitting on a rock," or a counselor telling a client to "take the bull by the horns" and have him indicted. It's gentle satire of pretentious public speakers. **"Fixing the Blame"** - A brief joke about a man whose wife answered his newspaper advertisement for a wife, blaming her (rather than the ad) for their marital troubles. The remainder consists of **product advertisements** for Gillette Safety Razors, Underberg Bitters, Evans Ale, and Prudential Insurance—typical Judge content mixing editorial humor with paid advertising to fund the publication.

📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

There’s only One Best. Only one best barber—yourself. Only one best way to shave— read «Sclence of Shaving. Only one best shaving instrument. Gillette GILLETTE Safety Razor and the twelve A: “ible-edged bladesthat come with it will Safety Razor ve your shaving problem for monthsto come. Each blade will give from 15 to 20 of comfort. Whea at last it com ean shaw all" a little, throw away the Blade, faeaces to Fucenold pem,andslip ihanewone. Therazot Bcf wii lastaltfetime-rextea blades cost about Seeats a week~so cents for package of ten. If your dealer doesn't keep them, send us $5 ferstan dard" triple-silver™ plated set in hands fore reivet lined leathercovered case. Tfafter prasys trial you are not eatisGed we will refund ear money. We have bought the entire edition of “Science shaving,” a bew work, the first text-bool frer written, we believe, on the care of th Gis relation to shaving. It is worth Geto every man who shaves or letsothers Sin — no matter how much he thiaks he knows out it already. Pully illustrated with photo- Faphsand drawings. Inthe first thousand dave added some pay Karr with pictures and prices of the different syles. "While these copies last, a postal card will bring you one free, with our compliments, SEND FOR ggg SCIENCE Ngee SHAVING A copy will be mailed free to any man who cares for his face or his feelings, or to any woman who cares the face or the fee¥ings of any man, GILLETTE SALES COMPANY 265 Times Building, - New York THEY ALL Do. “Tut, tut! said Smithers. © You mustn't complain that way. Remember that | have to foot the bills.” Yes, you foot them,” retorted Mrs. Smithers. * You kick at every single one ot them."— Cleveland Press. SHAKE-UP IN METAPHORS. A minister said to his congregation, “Brethren, the muddy pool of politics was the rock on which I split.” An orator is credited with a peroration in which he spoke of all ranks, from | the king sitting on his throne to the cot- tager sitting on his cottage !" “My client acted boldiy,” said the counselor. He saw the storm brewing in the distance, but he was not dismayed. He took the bull by the horns, and had him indicted for perjury.” A Hindu journalist, commenting on a political disturbance, ‘said, from a distance realize the intensity of the crisis, but it is a certain thing that many crowned heads are trembling in their shoes.” An old negro woman, whose needs were supplied by friends, never failed to express her gratitude in original lan- guage: “ You is powerful good to a pore Ole “oman like me, wid one foot in de grabe an’ de oder a-cryin’ out, ‘Lawd, how long, how long ? Bits. An ounce of sherry and a tablespoonful of Abbott's Bitters before meals is a wonderful appetizer. ~~ — FIXING THE BLAME, “What did you ever do for your wife ?” the judge asked the man who was explain- ing his marital troubles in court. “ T advertised for her,” was the reply. And did that cause the trouble « Well,” said the man, * she answered the advertisement."—At/anta Constitu- tion, THE SMALL BOY. Underneath his boastful little ways, his independence, the hard little shell of him that is really petrified shyness, the smail boy's heart is in the right place.—Annic Hamilton Donnell. TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets Druggists refund money if it fails to cure. E. W. GROVE'S signature is on cach box. WHO'S TO BLAME? Noboily has yet figured out how much time has been lost in progressive printing offices so far in trying to remember wheth- er or not a word ought to be printed with simplitied spelling, and ifso, how it should be spelt.—Somerville Fournal, “Man wants but little here below,” It seems to us, is wrong ; For when it is the green, you know, He surely wants it long. —£x. i al Underberg THE RE WORLG’ 'S BEST Bitters WITHIN REACH Have it handy, especially before and after meals. Tt whets the appetite even of the dyspeptic, and to all insures digestion. hole family. The tastiest of At att Hotels Clabs and Bottled by I. LUYTIES BROTH! Moreover it is delicious in flavor and appreciated by the ‘aderberg Albrecht, Rheinberg. Germany, since 1546. S208 WH Street, New York. General Agente We cannot | "— London Tit-| 25c. is ay Wha -_ 7 hh HAMMER THE HAMMER treat the revolver as rourbly or carelessly as you please—it can’t go off until you intend it should—if it's an Iver Johnson Safety Automatic Revolver. ‘The firing pin can't possibly transmit concussion—until you pull the trigger clear back. That's what makes It safe. Here's why it makes you safe. The IVER JOHNSON SAFETY AUTOMATIC REVOLVER hits the mark when that “mark” must be hit. Scientific design and per- fect workmanship make it wholly effective—every time. Iver Jonason Satety Hammer Revolver | Iver Jobasen Safety Remmerless Revolver aeinch barrel, nickel plated, 2 rim fie | s-inch barrel, nickel-plated Srnish, 33,38 cartradge, 32-38center fre cartridge, $5 | center Gre cartridge, = 3 For sale by Hardware and Sporting Goode dealers everywhere, or sent prepaid on receipt of price i your dealer will not supply. Look for the Sats head on grip and our name on barrel, eae: - IVER JONNSON'S ARMS AND CYCLE WORKS, 1s2RtIver' New York #8 Chamberg Street: Pact Cot ranch: ‘Mameda, Cal ater of Iver Jehnsoe Tras Frame Bicycles and Slagle Barrel Shotguns. 1O do his best work man must be in prime condition—and feel it. EVANS’ ALE Bi infusing good health ie Our Free Booklet “Shots” {s full of in- teresting re- volver facts. Write for it ** Tcannot write a message,” Cried the President to Loeb, Who stood as close as next to him And jerked the royal robe. “Why cannot you? Why cannot you ?” The pleading Loeb besought With more than’ merely confidence In how the master wrought. " Because,” explained the President, + T'm sending them by freight, And if you want another one By heck ! you've got to wait."— 1% J. Lampton in the New York World. into every-nerve and muscle, enables you to be alert and grasp an opportunity, Clate, Restanrimts and Dealers Bveryw bere, Sometimes the grandfather's clock be- | longs to grandma.— yo may be so well and strong that the thought of the necessity for Life Insur- ance hardly ever crosses your mind. But it should occur to you, upon reflection, that life in- surance is not obtainable after a man’s health is seriously impaired and when his days are clearly numbered. Now when a man can save a little money year by year without feeling it, when he can lay up a substantial fund against the day of his departure,—when this protection for his family ts possible and even very easy, what would be your estimate of him if they should be left penniless? Is your life insured? The holders of over six and a half million policies in The Prudential had reasons for insuring their lives in this company. It would be decidedly worth your while to know why and how The Prudential can satisfy the demand for economy, convenience, security and promptness in veritable Life Insurance. THE PRUDENTIAL INSURANCE COMPANY OF AMERICA Incorporated as a Stock Company by the State of New Jersey JOHN F. DRYDEN, President Home Office, Newark, N. J. HAS THE STRENGTH OF GIBRALTAR Without committing myself to any actign, I shall be glad to receive, free, particulars and rates of Poli.ies For $...- Age Name Occupation: comicbooks.com