Judge — December 22, 1906 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TWO SHOPPERS, ‘W. J. LAMPTON . @y NCE upcn atime there lived in the goods wrapped up they had the clerk load them into their vehicle. a Western town, let us saySteu. It had not been built for treight transportation, and when the two men benville, Ohio, two lawyers, got in with the goods, each of them a two-hundred-pounder, there leading luminaries at the bar, wasn’t more than enough room left to swing a dog by the tail. But by name Trainor and Day- they were feeling at peace with all the world and drove off happily. ton, Whether these are It was now almost dusk, and just at the edge of the town was a their true names or not is of _ race-track with a roadway leading into it from the street, so like the no moment now, for they are Street that even the most observant might have gone astray. They both dead, and their good followed the road and went in upon the track. Round and round deeds live after them ; the bad are buried with their bones. On one occasion they drove out into the country on some legal business and incidentally stopped.at a West Virginia town called Wellsburg. They had to cross the Ohio river to get there, but there was something over there stronger than the waters of the Ohio which they felt the need of after their arduous labors. It's a wide river two thirsty souls will not cross when the inducement is on the far side. ‘They secured what they sought at the first place they visited, but that sort of thing is alluring, and there are few men who are content with what is offered at one place. They were not, and went to several. They were finally ready to drive on home, some miles away, and the cockles of their hearts were warmed. Trainor, being a man of family, had great affection for wife and children, Dayton was a bachelor, and told his companion that before he left the town he must procure some sort of souvenirs to take with him to the loved ones at home. Dayton was moved by the kindly spirit of Trainor and readily accompanied him to the nearest dry-goods store. Here Trainor, pulling himself together—he was always a man of stern dignity, any way—as if about to address the court, addressed the clerk. “Sir,” he said to the prisoner behind the counter, “what is the price of your white muslin ?" ix cents a yard,” responded the clerk. “Tl take a bolt,” said the customer with a generous wave of his hand. Give me a bolt, too,” commanded Dayton, making a Close second. Ce BLEACHED IN TRANSIT. " And your calico ?* continued Trainor. Tor—"'| wonder why Santa Claus brought me this black dolly. 1 asked « Eight cents.” him in my letter for a white one."* Il take a bolt of that also.” Tev—" Oh, I guess he just got its face dirty comin’ down the chimney." “ Put one in forme, too,” said Mayton, game as the gamiest. ilk, have you silk ?" inquired Trainor. The buying stopped at the silk, and when the bills were paid and “+ Seventy-five cents,” said the clerk. this they drove until time enough had elapsed for them to have reached “A bolt of that also,” said Trainor, home, but no Steubenville loomed upon their sight. Then they began “One for me, too,” Dayton followed, though he had no more use to take notice, But not of the true aspects of the case. All they for dry-goods than he had for a sail for his buggy. could make out was an opposing fence all along their way. After another round or two, both looking for an opening and not finding it, the horse by chance hit the road leading out, and ere they were aware of the fact they were hack upon the street from which they had come. But Trainor, who was driving, did not continue in the direction they were going when they entered the track. Instead, he drove hack the other way and presently pulled up at the tavern near the centre of town. Here he called for the man of the house. That worthy responiled with promptness and considerable anxiety, for he naturally supposed that the two attorneys were home long ago, Before he could make any inquiries, Trainor spoke, Dayton yielding the spokes- manship to his senior with the grace ot a true courtier, “Landlord,” he said, with that distinguished dignity which so became him, whether at the forum or on the rostrum, or in association with the prominent citizens of Steubenville ; “landlord, take this horse and put him up. We shall remain for the night as guests of the hotel. Your damned town is fenced in.” UNHANDY. 64 HOW did you like the bath-rohe your niece. sent you for a Christmas gilt?" we ask of good old Uncle Amaziah Honeysuckle. The old man’s face contorts into a grim smile, and he tugs at his beard for a few moments, as though realizing that at this festive season we should ever strive to say the kindest word possible. “ Well,” he says, “it was a right pretty thing, I don’t deny. But blame me if T.can see how anybody can wash themselves with one of those horse-blanket overcoats on f And of all the confounded jobs I ever had in my life, untangling myself from that bath-robe, once it was good and wet, was the worst !” comicbooks.com