Judge, 1906-12-22 · page 23 of 48
Judge — December 22, 1906 — page 23: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical commentary on Christmas reform and gift-giving customs in early American culture. **Main Satire**: The lengthy editorial criticizes Americans' complacency about Christmas commercialism. A young child argues for maintaining the status quo with Santa Claus because reform might jeopardize future gifts—he'd rather accept disappointing presents than risk offending Santa. The author uses this to mock adult apathy toward social reform generally, noting that people accept corruption if it comes with "content" and small pleasures. **Supporting Elements**: - "Breathes There a Man?" parodies patriotic verse to mock husbands reluctantly buying obligatory Christmas gifts for wives - "Billy Jones Pays to Advertise" is a brief joke about a boy publicly claiming he's the best at hugging girls - The illustration depicts rural poverty ("A Poor Christmas Outlook"), contrasting with the consumer-focused articles above The page critiques both holiday consumerism and broader American reluctance to demand meaningful change.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“My idea,” said a citizen of four years, “is to let well-enough alone. I admit that Christmas is not run as it might be if some one like myself was put in charge of it, but as long as Santa Claus does no worse than he is doing, I see no reason why I should exert myself and get all overheated to bring about a change. I admit that last year I asked for a cannon that would shoot real cannon-balls, and for a pony and cart, and seven hundred other things, and that I did not get any of them, but that instead | received a box of tin soldiers and a rocking- horse, but what can we do about it? It is better to get what you get than to not get what you do not get. If I went back on Santa Claus it would be said that | had outgrown the toy age, and I would receive only pink suspenders. If anything is to be done let the grown-ups do 1 am jooking forward to receiving a real pistol and a live aili- gator this Christmas, and [aim not in favor of jeopardizing my chances by offending Santa Claus. Let well-enough alone is my motto.” This 1 found to be the general sentiment, and it is this unpatri- otic sentiment that makes it impossible to reform Christmas. There are many who are in favor of making a change #ex/ Christmas, but never any who will agree to overthrow Sinta Claus ¢dis year. I be- lieve that Christmas will continue to be, as it has become, corrupt but contented. The “boss” has so thoroughl: instilled the doctrine that it is more blessed to give than to re-eive that nothing in practical reform can he accomplished. 1 find that people are willing to receive lace pin-cushions and red neckties in any quantities so long as they are allowed to give others presents that will carry a bit of pleasure. In such a world the path of the reformer is a hard road to travel. The majority of Christmasites, the very young—for at Christmas the majority is figured by the amount of noise made—are all in favor of being as corrupt as anything so long as content goes with it, and nothing can be done with that portion of the community. In fact, they actually love Santa Claus. And as for the adult minority, I find an inclination there to stifle the qualms of conscience by a pretended agnosticism. Santa Claus?" they say. “Santa Claus? Are we in favor of limiting his power or of overthrowing him ?. Nonsense !_ How can we? There is no such person as Santa Claus ! And how can you get a people to revolt against a man when you can’t even get them to admit that there is such a man? I say it can- not be done, and therefore I believe heart and soul in the movement that has been started with the object of getting every adult to believe in Santa Claus. First, we will have every man and woman believe in Santa Claus, and then—well, then we shall see what we shall see ! BREATHES THERE A MAN? REATHES there a man with soul so dead He never to himself hath said, “T'll go and get my wife a gift— Although last year I know she sniffed Behind my back at what T got, Although the foo! thing cost a Jot!" : If such there be, go mark him well For him no pink house-coat is “swell.” For him there are no pale cigars, Nor art-nouveau tobacco jars, Nor slippers that are far too small, Nor neckties that won't do at all ; If such there be, go mark him, for No doubt he is a bachelor. PAYS TO ADVERTISE. BILLY JONES wrote on the blackbo rd : * Billy Jones can hug the girls better than any boy in school.” The teacher, seeing it, called him up. + William, did you write that?" «Yes, ma'am,” said Billy. * Well, you can stay after school,” said she. The children waited for Billy to come out, when they began to guy him, “Got lickin’, didn’t ye 2” “ Nope,” said Bill. * Got jawed 2” “ Nope.” “ What did she do?” they asked. “Sha'n't tell,” said Bill ; “ but it pays to advertise.” A SYSTEM. su] HAVE adopted it as a rule of my life,” said the earnest young man, “to spend an hour each evening thinking over my mis- takes of the day.” 7 «1 made it a rule of my life,” said the successful old man, “to spend an hour each evening figuring out the mistakes that others had made.” Rc MACK. A POOR CHRISTMAS OUTLOOK. “Say, mudder, I blowed all de fedders off de bird at de fust shot.” comicbooks.com