Judge — December 1, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ENVY. “ By Jiminy shucks, pal ef ye cud do thet ye wuddun’t hef teh work." MISERY MEYER ON POETS. E ART ob bein’ a poet is easy w'en yo" un‘erstan’ it, laik mos’ any- thing ; but de art ob writin’ po'try ain’ sech a cinch. No, sah. Dere’s a lot ob men wif long ha-h en skinny face en han’s en a hungry look w’ut stan’s wif deir han's on dey elevated ches’, en puts deir haid up pa’allel wif deir heights ob success; dey is tryin’ ter git dey fust footstep on, w'ut cain’ git no rhyme fo' nuffin’. Take der all- impo’tant, ebery-day vote-buyin’ word *+coin." Some ob dem haf ter take de dish’nary ter fin’ out w'ut dat mean, en den der bes’ dey hin do is somthin’ laik dis : ‘My poetry f'um day ter day Does f'um der ed'tor retoin. Got lots ob stuff sent back—but say! Dey neber sen’ me enny cuin. Wren dey writes a t'ing laik dat dey hus'le roun’ en see all deir fren’s w'ut dey doan’ owe coin ter en git deir ‘pinion. Deir fren’s bein’ all nat’ral-bohn critics, in deir own estimate, dey all ‘gree it’s jes’ ‘mense, en de ed'tors ob some half-dozen papahs got ter suffah. Dat’s w'ut de jority ob dese heah men w'ut's s‘posed ter touch yo'r heart ‘mount ter. It’s one bes’ bet dat, ef dere wuz no mail en de poets hed ter cahy deir own stuff ter de ed'tors, deir'd be lots ob dead muses fo" deir fren’s ter right deir memohials ter. Beside de poet w'ut t'inks he kin move er feller ter teahs, wen de on’y ting he kin move him ter is his razor, is de man w'ut stahts in ter maik de worl’ laff. He tickles yo’ in de ribs en t'inks he kin git yo" wid dis : Ef Brudder Bill hez stole er chicken, En 's fahder feel laik fowl dat night, Duz Brudder Billy git er lickin’, Er is ‘e tol’ "e done jes’ right? A SCRAP-BOOK QUOTATION. “He gazed upon her with rapped eyes.” “Ah made dat," he sez, en goes off in er big laff while yo" ‘scape. En den deir’s de man w'ut ‘lows dat ‘thout him love- po'try 'd go ter de bad, Heah’s.a-sample ob hisn : De moon sen’s down his string ob light, in’ de lan’scape bright. she sighs. me heah,” sez he, En kiss de rub'ry lips ob she. Dat man goes on tell yo’ ax him ef de en’ kin be ‘spected befo' mo‘nin’, Yo" cain’ ‘scape f'um dis specie, kase dey gits haff decir han’s t'rough yo’ s‘penders en hol’ on, while dey wave de udder haff ter emf"size deir wu'ds. De on'y poet w'ut's ‘tall tol'able is dat baseball. Some er dat's haff way wu'th lis‘enin’ to. ez dis: ‘ut writes Sich De pitcher knocked er fly ter right En got ter fust right good. De nex’ one waited—wouldn’ bite; Nex’ fanned, ez tought he would. De nex’ fouled out fer short, en den (Two out en t’ree on base) De bestes’ batter ob de men Gits up en takes his place. De score is one ag’in deir t'ree, De las’ haff ob de las’. De pitcher win's his ‘natomy, Den lets it out right fas’, De batter fin's de ball, en dat’s De las’ it's eber see. We win de game en pack our bats, Ez happy ez kin be. Dat’s de on'y kin’ ob po'try w'ut makes money, en w'ut it makes hahdly keeps de writer in papah en ink, I's s'prisin’ deir's so menny fellers w'ut once wrote foh lines w'ut neahly rhymed ter de young peepuls* section ob a secon'-class papah en had deir name on de hon‘able-men- tion lis’ w'ut tinks dey kin write po'try fo’ a livin’, De on'y time dey orter write it is wen dey wanter die. W'en de “Union fo' de Pertec- tion ob Poets” fin’s in one ob de ten- cen’ papahs w'ut dey gits a month late fo" two cen’s a open-ter-all com- pition fo’ de bes’ ten-line chunk ob verse dey not'fy all de membahs ob de league w'ut's willin’ter receibe de letters haff collec’ dat deir's money in de aih. De ed'tor ob de papah habin’ de contes’ den borries all de ‘vailable wais'-papah baskets, en de place looks laik a dead-letter orfis— dey neber opens a letter in er Union env'lope en’ wif pos'age due on it. Writin’ po'try 's alll right ef yo" know w'ut po'try means en kin lib fon returned man’scripts, laik goats—w'ut kin lib on enny ol’ kin’, w'edder dey’s seen de inside ob a magazine-ortis er not. THE ALLURING MAN, 46HERE certainly is a vast difference in the terms of expression 4 used by people brought up in different parts of the world, or even of our own country,” said the man who had been recently enter- taining an English acquaintance, “and one of the most striking exam- ples of this happened the other day out home. We were walking across-country when we came upon one of those itinerant photogra- phers who set up shop just wherever they can find an advantageous po- sition for a tripod and stool. I happened to be a little ahead of my English friend, and, turning about, saw that he was talking with the would-be tintype artist, I waited, and presently he caught up to me, and imagine my amazement when he said, in all earnestness, +L was delayed, you know. The alluring man wanted to do me ‘on tin.” WHAT IT WOULD BE. 66\JJHAT would the circus be without red lemonade ?” asked the man with the grassy whiskers and the nervous Adam's apple. + What would it be without the peanuts and the crackerjack and the popcorn and the bags of cheap candy 2” “It would be a blamed good circus,” replied the man with the aggressive eyes and the firm mouth, comicbooks.com