Judge — November 17, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GETTING A HEAD. ss YOU can't ever get ahead, my son, so long as you dissipate so."" “Can't, eh? Can't get ahead? I'd like to know how you think [ got this one.” THESE INVESTIGATING ‘TIMES. Burglar— gotten eve-ything Dimple Do you expect me to tell you th: Burglar—* U think you ought, as a’ matter of honor.” THE TEST. Castleton —* About how much does it cost to Have | money on the counter with mine.” Herr Nass laid his dit lar on the moist oilcloth and to work the The litte figure representing Teddy app: ently contained quicksilver, for it rolled over and over then. started al-course But finally it looked as though ss had a chance to The red peg. the greatest obstacle of all, was and eluded the every tilt of the box. passed, and the big Teuton was getting excited. If 1 can ged me aroundt dot green beg und dot plue beg Tvin vone muttered the svloon. Then some- eeper. thing happened, ures popped out of different ‘ghélower—« If it makes any difference to you, vou can’t afford it HERR NASS AND THE PANAMA PUZZLE. EIN HERR NASS stood at the lunch- counter, shaving off thin slices of liver- wurst for his dog Felox. He was ap- proached by a brisk young man with a yellow satchel and a suave tongue. “Good - morning, Herr Nass!" greeted the stranger, opening his satchel. ++I have called on you this morning to introduce one of the greatest sensations of the year. Something that has taken a grip on the American people and caused more sleepless nights than all the trusts and scandal-suits put together, It is calied the Panama Puzzle, and ”- Here the young man brought forth a small oval box with a glass cover over the top. Herr Nass was suspiciou * Vot vas dot,” he demanded ; +a black-face bomb 2" + You mean a Black-hand bomb,” corrected the fakir. + But this little box is as harmless as that fly on the cheese. As I said before, it is the great Panama Puzzle. Now, the little brown strip running through the centre of the box represents the Isthmus. On the right we have the Atlantic Ocean and on the left the Pacific. Now, gentle- men, observe closely By this time several of the Teuton’s regular patrons had brought their steins from the tables and circled around the young man with the satchel. “As [said before,” continued the fakir, «to understand this puz- zle you must observe closely, Now, I have clearly demonstrated to you the position of the Isthmus and the oceans, and will now explain the rest. Do you see that figure on the edge of the Atlantic with a pick and a shovel? Can you recognize the tiny face? Ah, [thought so, It is Teddy. Now, as we all know, ‘Leddy is digging the cd but we don’t all know how long it is going to take him to finish the task. Tne puzzle is to get Teddy’ from the Atlantic to the P cific without getting him hung up on one of those little pegs. The red peg represents Graft, the blue peg Dissatisfaction, the green peg Procras- tination, the “—— Herr Nass held up his hand. “+ Procrastination, sir—procrastination. watch closel: The fakir tilted the box and Teddy began to move toward the Pacific, cleverly dodging the pegs. “And over here,” chanted the young man, “we h figures. They represent Secretary Taft and Poultney Bigelow. needless to add that the largest one is Secretary Taft. Ah, the! are! ‘Teddy has reached the Pacific. Now, I'll tell you what I'll do. Tl bet you a dollar and drinks for the house that you can’t ‘eddy across the Isthmus like I did without touching a peg. «+L dake ut,” said Herr Nass, fishing a note from his pocket. +1 I ged dot Deddy to der Bazific Ozeans I vin he demanded. Now, + Vot vas dot It means delay. ve two more It is ¢ you vill be a shpord—yah. der tollar ?” “Sure! Put your Why, it's as easy as rolling off a log HE WOULD BALK. Farmer Horcorn—" By gum, Maria! if we lived in a house as high as thet ye wouldn't git me up in the night to run down an’ see if they wuz enny cats in the cellar.”* corners and rolled back in the Auanti mediately the young grabbed for the two dollars on the counter and stuffed them in his pocket, « Holdt on !* shouted Herr Nass excitedly. ++ Vot you do he “Why,” replied the young man suavely, "don’t you see what has happened? Secretary Taft and Poultney Bigelow have come together and upset the whole canal. nlday.” And the young man snapped his yellow satchel together and bounced through the tall green doors like a rubber ball, Herr Nass rubbed his eyes. In his hand he still clutched the great Panama Puzzle. + So Secredery Daft und Poultry Bigelow come togedder und up- sed der canal—yah !" he exclaimed with a frown, «Vell, tam der whole peezness | Dot Banama vas a vraud, [ vouldn’t led mine dog Felox blay mit such a buzzle as dot.” And Herr Nass tossed the puzzle in the stove and refilled his blue stein. You lose ; I win, A HEAVY LOSER. "1 understand that you were one of the losers in the jailure. -""Well, | should say so! Mr Stork Jungleville ba: Mr. Jumeo Evr loser in the bunch.” | was the ‘heaviest’ comicbooks.com