Judge — November 17, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BACK-ACTION PROVERBS. INE feathers ne'er can make fine birds, ‘tis true; but what would become of the peacock if he was dressed like a frog ? A stitch in time to save nine isa patch just the same, Money saved is money made, but you al- ways have to make it first Talk may be cheap, but the telephone companies have got mighty rich handling it. The early bird may catch the worm, but it’s not exactly a square deal for the worm. All things come to him who waits, but it takes a lot of hustling to find the right place to wait. If it is true that riches have wings, it’s hardly right to howl be- cause rich people are high-flyers. If you could convince people that the good die young, nine-tenths of the human race would be imitating the devil in an hour. A soft answer may turn away wrath sometimes, but generally it is poor protection to your face if the other fellow is a good hitter. “MY ROSARY.” ‘ranscribed from stenographic notes taken during the rendition of the ballad by Mr. Howitt Owte, the eminent baritone.) IEE yowrzi spen twith E-e-e, deer Art, Are raza string of pearl stew me; wnt theh mo vurrev ree wunna part— My row sirree! My row sirrce! E-c-e chow ray purr leech purr lay prair To filla har tin ab sense rung ; I tell leech be dun two the yend Dan there across iz zung. O mem mow reeze that bless sand burr babr ran gay Nan bit her law ih seech bee Dan stry vat lass two learn Tewk iss the craw Sweet! Tar! Two kih sss! thee craw! Sss! w. b Nasarr, TSS HIS NEW TEAM. “Well, well! What kind of a team are you driving, my little man ?"* “Oh, I'm driving a spanking palr."" BOBBY STRONG'S ESSAY ON THE HUMAN BODY. HE human body was first supposed to be made up of 208 bones, but later discoveries have developed the fact that it contains 208 bones and an appendix. An appendix is something which is added on, like a postscript on a woman's letter, and means about as much, Its prin- cipal use is to afford a revenue for doctors and surgery specialists. Operations on the human system are the correct thing in polite society. Pa says there is one woman in our town who has nothing left in her but her palate and her tongue, she has heen operated on so much. Last Sunday our Sunday-school text was, ‘+ Praise the Lord, oh, my soul, and all that is within me.” I said to pa, “Mrs. So and So wouldn't be very strong on that, would she?" And he laughed and said no, A railroad brakeman is in a class by himself. He doesn’t have anywheres near 208 bones in his body. I know a brakeman, chairman of a grievance committee of ten, and when he gocs to count the members of the committee on his fin- SIMPLIFIED SPELLING. TWO gentlemen, who are not altogether _unac- quainted with the location of one or more of the ex ecutive departments Washington, were recently discussing the ‘+ simpleton- ized " spelling order of the President's; and as both are gentlemen of legal at- tainments, they naturally took opposite sides on the question of the practicabil- ity of the proposed reform, in order to have a good ar- gument. One of them at- tacked the whole idea as” absurdly foolish. “It is most illogi and silly,” said he, ‘sand gers he never can get a quorum because he hasn't enough fingers left. It says in my physiology that in the human frame is a network of nerves—a sort of system of fine wires which carry messages to and from the brain. For instance, if you put your finger on a hot stove the nerves of the arm carry a message to your brain that your finger is getting burned, and your brain flashes back instructions to take your finger off the stove. The other night I had my fingers in a can of jam in the pantry when my ear- drum sent a message to my brain that ma was coming. My brain answered back to take my fin- gers out, but the message was delayed in transmis- sion and I didn’t move quick enough. Ma caught ime, For a few minutes the wires running up my spine to my brain were crowded with good-gov- ernment messages as to what was going on on the firing-line. Now, when I the board's list of three hun- dred words contains gross inconsistencies. They say spell ‘fantasy’ with an +f," but not « phenomenon’ nor * philosophy.” Well,” said his friend, *Tcan see some reason for not spelling the latter word with anf." tlemen on the board are doctors of philosophy, and they would very probably object to having placed after their names.” FACED WITH THE PROOF. Sximmer— marm! signs of water in my milk? Now, I'd just like to know what they are."* Mr. You know, most of the gen- WHOLESALE INFATUATION. >man— Too bad about Bill.” woman—* What's he done?” First woman— Haven't you heard? He go to sit down my brain ad- vises my arms to puta pil- low on the chair. Please excuse all mis- takes in spelling, as I am only thirteen years old, and Tam not used to my list of 300 yet. FLATTERING. 66 LTOW much postage will this require ?” asked the young author, “It is one of my manuscripts.” “ Two cents an ounce,” answered the post-office clerk. That's first-class matter made so much money last year that he couldn't stand it, He's just married a chorus, And Mr. Skimmer found out. “Oh, thank you !” comicbooks.com