Judge, 1906-11-03 · page 7 of 16
Judge — November 3, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Horse Sense at Fault"** mocks a driver (depicted with racial dialect humor common to the era) who races an automobile against famous racehorses Dexter and Nancy Hanks, suggesting the machine cannot match animal speed. **"Riparian Delights"** is a darkly ironic poem satirizing polluted rivers—inviting someone on a "romantic" tour while cataloging industrial sewage, dead bodies, disease-carrying germs, and contamination. It's social criticism disguised as courtship verse, targeting urban environmental degradation. **"The Modern Darwin"** parodies pseudo-scientific evolutionary arguments, with two men debating whether mules evolved from fish, citing absurd anatomical "evidence" and logic. **"A New Institution"** jokes about a "spelling reformatory"—a facility ostensibly for reform but actually imprisoning spelling reformers themselves, mocking both institutional ineffectiveness and orthographic debates of the period. The bottom illustration contrasts wealthy and poor men, suggesting health derives from circumstances rather than wealth. The humor relies on period-specific references and dialect conventions now considered offensive.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HORSE SENSE AT FAULT. Tue priver—" Ho, dah! Yo" chance sprintin’ wif dem machines 01 hoss, ain't yo" learn yit dat ef yo" wuz Dextah an’ Nancy Hanks b'iled inter wun yo" wudn't hab a smell ob a RIPARIAN DELIGHTS. ‘OME with me adown the river, Nellie, dear; I will show you where they manufacture beer. 1 will show you where the sewer emptics out, Where the nasty German carp-fish wields his snout. I will designate the very place they say Is infested with the worst ma-lar-i-ay. I'll supply you with a clothes-pin for your nose Where the drainage from the gas-plant gayly flows. ‘THE MODERN DARWIN. +s] HAVE pondered deeply over it,” said the man with the bulging brow, * and Iam convinced that I have discovered a fact of tre- mendous importance: + You have 2 inquired the man with the figurative nose. “Thave. I can demonstrate beyond the peradventure ot a doubt that the mule, as we know it, is developed from a fish.” + What 2" «Tt is logical. notice its facial contour. the large mouth which are so characteristic of the mule. are of that deep, crafty expression peculiar to the mule, is long and ridged and its tale is stubby, like a mule’s, must have taken centuries of slow development to evolve the mule. Probably it was ten thousand years before the legs were developed and the scales changed to hair. The dorsal fin, of course, was transposed into the narrow mane which is on the mule’s neck.” + But a pike or pickerel doesn’t eat thistles,” argued the man with the figurative nose. Now, you take the ordinary pike or pickerel and It has the flattening of the frontal bone and Its eyes also Its backbone To be sure, it Come with me and take a launch-ride, > Ere the noon of night the full moon will appear. ‘Then the weed-clump where the suicide was found With a host of cheery mem’ries will abound. Come and sniff the rich aromas that arise Where the poultry-houses loom against the skies And the fertilizer-fact'ry loudly reeks With an eloquence that shames the ancient Greeks. In the sweet, miasmic hours preceding dawn All the microbes are serenely hatching spawn. ‘There's a hissing scum of lovely ocean green On the bosom of the peaceful river seen. In the stillest pools folks drown their surplus cats, While the typhoid germlet haunts the sedgy flats. Come with me and tour the river, Nellie, dear, And we'll catch some rare diseases, never fear. STRICKLAND W, GILLILAN. ellie, dear; “ [know that, yet a mule can swim, And the fact that the mule or donkey will eat thistles only goes to show what marvelous advance- ment there has been in the species.” + Maybe you're right. Say, why don't you set your mind to fig- uring out a relationship between the whisk-broom of to-day and the prehistoric hedgehog 2” MISCONSTRUED HIM. HIE suitor wrote, +I pine, I die, For you, oh, apple of my eye!" The maid replied, ++ Your joke is neat, But this pineapple ’s not to eat.” A NEW INSTITUTION. SOYVHAT is that large, new building ?” we asked of our guide, in- dicating a massive structure surrounded by a high stone wall. “That's the new reformatory,” he told us. “A penal institution 2" ope. It’s the state spelling reformatory, where they keep the spelling reformers as fast as they can be caught.” A CONTRAST. The man with a bundle enjoying his wealth. The poor devil without It enjoying his health. comicbooks.com