Judge — November 3, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE AUTHOR-MAN'S SURPRISE. PON a certain day there was an author-man who needed the money; so he sat down and tock up that object which is reputed to be mightier than the sword and wrote a piece. Having finished his article, he went to the post-office, purchased some willing stamps, and mailed the piece to the editor. Then he waited for the child of his brain to make its way back to his man- tel-piece, accompanied by a warm note from the editor saying that, owing to a redundancy of similar matter, he was compelled to reject the piece, al- though this action wrenched his heart-strings to such an extent as to almost drag that organ from its moorings. However, this rejection was to be considered as in nowise a condemnation of the merit of the article, etc., etc. The near-author waited a spell, but the letter that he looked for but dreaded neter came, Now, dear reader, we give you three guesses as to tre fate of the manuscript Nope; all wrong. The piece was accepted i ic ‘ A UNION-MADE MATCH. E tried to light non-union coal— Some heat was what The match then harrowed up his soul— It went out on a strike, TIME TO BE IT. HERE was to be a circus in town next day, and Robert wished to go to see it unload ; so he sought to obtain his father's consent, The first question his father put to him on being approached was, + Have you asked your mother ?”* “Yes, sir,” was Robert's prompt reply. “What did she say ?” the father pursued. “She said I couldn't go,” was the frank rejoinder. “What do you mean, Robert, by coming to me to ask to do a thing after your mother has told you you could not do it?” “ Well, papa,” the little fellow observed, ++I heard you say last week that you're the hoss of this ranch, and I thought it was about time for you to assert yourself.” POLITICAL WEATHER -VANES. Jim—"1 guess * Judge’ Peters will win out fer congress. mighty populer—he’s hevin’ children named after him.” Josh—" Yes ; but ‘Colonel’ McMann is a derned sight populerer. He's hevin' dogs named after him—not ter speak o’ Bud Geer’s new pacer colt.” He's He—" Yes'm: but how fortunate, my dear! through, anyhow.” THE PHILOSOPHER. It's raining, and we were wet TO BE TAKEN AS DIRECTED. NORTHERN gentleman, while traveling through Arkansas, lost his way. On meeting an old darkey he asked the darkey to direct him to the nearest town. The darkey said, + Ef yo" gwine by de road it am ‘bout fo'teen mites. By de bridle-parth it am closer. But ‘cross de fields it ain't nowheres.” T'S a mistake to call a nation corrupt when you mean only its poh- ticians, THE AMERICAN PLAN BREAKS DOWN. Tue vateT—'*1 wish to engage room for my boss and his wife on the ‘American plan. What are your rates?” Horen-cterx—"' Four dollars per day." Horet-cuerx (as Mr. and Mrs. Elf enter hotel)" Great guns! here's where the American plan bankrupts the house! comicbooks.com