Judge — October 20, 1906 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

For getting votes his eloquence as pleader For the place Puts him first. His public spirit far outruns ambition— He's the goods. When the other candidates but learn he’s running They will take To the woods. (Joinal reporters, led by ARTHUR FIZZBRAIN) = Oh, Worst is our boss, and a good one, too; His like we have never seen. So we loose our cheers, fit to split the ears, For the sake of the good long green. For the sake of the good long green and Worst We are wagging our nimble jav So three cheers for the man with the bulging sack Hurrah! Hurrah!! HURRAH!!! Gas HOUSE CHARLIE (holding up his hand for silence): Before the game proceeds too far One thing we must decide on, Which is (referring now to Worst), The platform he shall ride on. The planks we have are warped and bent, As though they'd seen a storm— How would it do to paint them blue And name the lot “ Reform "? (Worst, F1zzBRain, JIMSON, the MULLIGANS and other Harmony Hall leaders, after consultation, advance to centre of stage and sing): You may talk of Noah Webster, you may talk of Roosevelt spelling, You may talk of all the words you've ever seen— But to catch the nimble bailot there is nothing in creation Like that little word «reform "—and that’s no dream. It’s a word to bring the voters flocking ‘round you— Ani of course it needn't mean so very much, So we'll play the pious fiddle—play both ends against the middle— (Till election) we'll reform to beat the Dutch, Gas House CHARLIE (signaling for members of Harmony Hall f0 join in) + Oh, we are reformers tried and true, We're aware of the proper thing to do, Observe our strenuous way— We're not out for glory but revenue— Hooray! Hooray!! HOORAY!!! (Ecko from rear of hall by common pee-pul) : Oh, they are reformers, and that's no lie— Get next to their winning way, For they're never letting a cent get by— Hooray! Hooray !! HOORAY!!! ARTHUR FizzpRain (who has been earnestly consulting with WILLIE WORST) rises and sings: Since we've settled now on the game * Reform,” And the “ Down with the bosses vile,” We'll pick a couple more issues out — Do the whole thing up in style. We will shout * Skidioo !" to the villains who Own more than thirty cents— And had better say we will do away With all gas-bills, taxes, rents. I will pen my screeds to your daily needs, And soon will the world discuss The whichness of the what, opposed To the thisness of the thus. WILLIE Worst, Gas House CHARLIE, the MULLIGANS and the rest (with great enthusiasm): Three long loud cheers for the Fizzbrain head— Three more for his good right hand, For he meets cur needs with his powerful screeds, Which no one can understand, Hip!! HURRAH!!! At the conclusion of cheering Gas House CHARLIE holds up his hand to atiract attention as he announces : Everveopv—Hip! The meeting will close with an original song, composed and sung by the famous Mulligan sextette. At the conclusion of the song all the people will march ou: quietly, keeping their hands out of their neighbors’ pockets. (THE MULLIGAN SexTETTE, fed by BiG Tim, advance to the footlights and: ting): ’ “Oh, we are reformers, tried and true." When the foolish, stupid public are not kicking, When reformers go to bed and sleep at night— When the papers do not mention graft we're sticking In our pockets way down deep and out of sight— When (because the public have no perspicacity) We meet no glances cold enough to frappé one— We can tell you with A politi unquestionable veracity, ian’s life indeed ’s a happy one. BUT—— ‘When the long-haired boys get busy with their knocking, When Parkhurst and his friends sit on the lid— When the suckers keep their money in their stocking— When there's nothing or nobody to be did— When supporters in their manners grow erratic, Wanting jobs where there's really not employ for one, We can tell you, and can’t make it too emphatic, A politician's life is not a joyful one. AND—— While it may look as though our business is an easy one, And that almost any one can play the game, Take it straight, the life we lead ’s a hard and breezy one, And when anything goe. wrong we get the blame. To-day, we've autos and ha To-morrow—p'r'aps we . 01 carniages to ride in— uldn’t buy the dirt in one, And be looking for a quiet pace to hide in— For a politician's life is an uncertain one, CUL TAIN, ‘WONDERFUL. “What makes you think Mrs. Riggles is such a remarkable woman ?” “She always remembers the trump when playing cards."—AMilwaukee Sen- tine. NO! Was any theatre ever big enough to hold all the members of the original Flo- radora sextette ?—Somerville Fournal. HOW TO LOSE SOME FUN. “The girl who marries the first fellow she falls in love with,” replied the ob- server of events and things, “misses a whole lot of fun."— Yonkers Statesman. NO DAWDLING. A MAN OF 70, AFTER FINDING COFFEE HURT HIM, STOPPED SHORT. When a man has lived to be 70 years old, with a 4o-year-old habit grown to him like a knot on a tree, chances are he'll stick to the habit till he dies. But occasionally the spirit of youth and determination remains in some men to the last day of their lives. When such men do find any habit of life has been doing them harm, they surprise the Osler- ites by a degree of will power that is sup- posed to belong to men under 4o, only. “Thad been a user of coffee until three years ago—a period of go years—and am now 70,” writes a North Dakota ma “I was extremely nervous and debil tated, and saw plainly that { must make | a change. “Tam thankful to say I had the nerve to quit coffee at once and take on Pus tum without any dawdling, and experi- enced no ill effects. On the contrary I commenced to gain, losing my nervous- ness within two months, also gaining strength and health otherwise. «For a man of my age I am very well and hearty. I sometimes meet persons who have not made their Postum right and don’t like it. But I tell them to hoil it long enough, and call their attention to my looks now, and before | used it ; that) seems convincing. “Now, when I have writing to do, or long columns of figures to cast up, I frel equal to it and can get through my work without the fagged-out feeling of old.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek. Read the book, “The Road to in packages. “There's a BOTH SACRED. | When Justice Maule was on the bench a bullying counsel was one day brow- beating an elderly female witness in a case before him. Having badgered her into a state of utter speechlessness, the lawyer appealed to the judge to make her answer his questions. “Why do you not answer, madam 2” asked the judge. “+ Because, my lord, he scares me so,” replied the trembling woman. “So does he me, ma'am, judge.—Law Notes. Evans Ale Looks Good. | Tastes Good. Does Good. 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