Judge — October 20, 1906 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN BUNCOMBE LAND—A REALISTIC EXTRAVAGANZA WITH REAL ACTORS. By HERBERT ROSS. DRAMATIS PERSON &. Wituie Worst (who has political ambitions and doesn't care what it costs.) , ARTHUR Fizzprain (who does the lofty thinking and writes the speeches for Worst.) MAX JIMSON (who carries the WorsT Gas House CHAR, the MULLIGANS, and other Harmony Hall leaders (in jubilant chorus) : Oh, we are the ones with the goods to sell ; We play the game, and we play it well, Undaunted by thought of peril. sack and attends to sordid details.) Gas House CHARur (the Boss of Har- mony Hall, who has the goods, but who wants the price.) THE MULLIGANS (a small army of Har- many Hall leaders, who like easy money.) ‘OTHER HARMONY HALL LEADERS (who are also'looking for“ mazuma.”) THE CRANK ALLIANCE (supposed to be owned by Wittie Worst.) WiILLyuM TireD GeEwHiz (who spends his time smoking cigarettes and sleeping.) THe. PLUNDERBUND — Joinal scribes, Pharisees, panhandlers, common pee-pul, ete. Scene —Z/nterior Harmony Hall Wig- wam, ‘More prominent members of cast are seated on stage, while lesser lights fill body of hall." MAX JiMSON gives a preconcerted signal, and vociferous cheering ensues. As it subsides WILLIE WORST rises and, advanc- ing to centre of stage, sings: You now behold in me One as clever as can be, And my talents, don’t you know, are quite uncountable. s I'm the famous Willie Worst, And I always am the first To scoff at difficulties unsurmountable. All ambitions I decry (Other people's) ; that is why I'm your candidate for Governor just at present. Your support I ask of you, For there's nothing else to do But to take the dose you're handed and look pleasant. MEMBERS oF HARMONY HALL AND CRANKS’ ALLIANCE (interrupting): We admire your papers, your wealth, and the rest, And the figure you cut in society. ‘The only improvement in you we'd suggest Is a little bit less of variety. No matter you hand us a jolly to-day, Or a heart-breaking story of sorrow— The betting 's a hundred to one we will hear Quite a different story to-morrow. To-day you will say Socialism 's the thing ; ; To-morrow of Municipal Ownership sing With loud and vociferous insistency. ti week, like as not, a new scheme you'll advance, In hopes to improve your political chance ; So—hurrah for the Worstian consistency ! Willyum Tired Geewhiz. Worst (again rises and, to the accom. paniment of red fire and beating tom-toms, bows his thanks.) For the complimentary things you say I thank you most sincerely. + That you all love and honor me, ! 1 see it very clearly ; And if you can put me right I'll spend A half a million yearly. JIMSON, F1zznRAtn, Joinal reporters, etc. (in minor key): How gracefully, and with what ease, We'll separate him, if you please, From half a million yearly ! “ For they're never letting a cent get by— Hooray! Hooray! HOORAY! “ How gracefully, and with what ease, We'll separate him, if you please, From half a million yearly. We're acquainted with all of the intricate tricks That are played in the game called politics, And we're all of us fond of the good long green— So three cheers for the man with the barrel"! (More loud cheering. After it subsides ARTHUR FIZZBRAIN, who has been writing Joinal editorials with both hands, ceases his occupa- tion temporarily and sings): On behalf of Mr. Worst, I've decided that we'll first Select the wicked bosses here and bounce ‘em. Their strongholds, we will storm ‘em; We will kill 'em or reform ‘em— Or at any rate we'll valiantly denounce ‘em, (Shouts of "Down with the Czar of Russia!" “Man who looks like the czar is thrown out by Gas House CHARLIE'S henchmen.) ** You now behold in me One as clever as can be."* MAX JIMSON (jumping to his feet}—"" Down with all bosses! The pee-pul must rights !" Gas House Cwaruie, the MULLIGANS, Harmony Hall leaders (in chorus): have their Yes, down with ‘em all! Members CRANKS’ ALLIANCE, common pee-pul, etc. (sadly) > We've been «+ downing” them for many years, We have «downed " them o'er and o'er; And now suppose, from the way things look, We must down" the lot once more. (Voice from rear of hall): But we'd like a rest, it must be confessed, For our stomachs grow weak and sore. (Sound from rear of hall of some one landing on his ear, GAS HOUSE CHARLIE and MAX JIMSON advance to footlights and, while the calcium-light plays on them, join hands and sing): If you want an ideal, independent leader, Here he is— Willie Worst. comicbooks.com