Judge — October 13, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN ARGUMENT. 66 {OW silly" exclaimed the daughter of the plutocrat. “ The idea of my marrying you, who have absolutely nothing, even though I do like you im- mensely! Why, I spend a hundred thousand a year on dresses alone, Good- ness only knows how much money I actually waste. + Yes," argued the earnest youth. «Thad thought of that. The way I figure it, you throw away enough money right along to support a husband in good style.” WHAT? AS IT HAPPENED, GHE was comely, very comely, ‘And he gazed upon her dumbly With a feeling of affection mixed with awe. “Speak !" he cried. “My queenly beauty, Tell me what shall be my duty !" Then she murmured, ‘ Twenty-three "— He twenty-thraw. Once again he came a-wooing, Came with tingling ardor suing, For the greatness of his love could not be hid. But, alas! His hopes were shattered, And his dreams of joy were scattered, For she told him to ‘‘skiddoo” And he skiddid ! HeSAY, pa?” W. D. NESBIT, «Well, what ?” «How much does it cost to get a co-education?” AN ESTIMATE, 64 MY boy,” says the earnest reformer, “every time you smoke one of those things you drive a nail in your coffin, MORE ACCURATE. séLJERSTORY” would be a better word than + history,” with which to describe the record of the world’s events. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. NELLA BERGEN IN “THE PREE LANCE. Your grace, your charm. your beauty, all Are like the autumn glories tossed In nature's lap. And yet the fall Is not lke you. Its play's a "'frost."* SPITEFUL. 66 \JHILE Constance was away this summer she sold kisses at fifty cents each at a church fair to raise funds to help build a new church,"* says the girl with the collection of fraternity pins. “ She did 2” smiles the girl with the placid eyes. ++I suppose they were merely going to build one of these little one-story chapels, really.” Is that so?” asks the youth, puffing at his cigarette. “ You must think I'm going to be buried in an ocean liner ‘THE LAY OF THE LIVER. OW his pa had died of liver On the O-kee-cho-bee River, PUBLICITY. And his mother’s liver'd killed her atthe west; 6s A RE you doing much advertising this year ?” we ask of our friend ‘Then a sister, warmly cherished, the plutocratic manufacturer of food-stuffs. Had taken ill and perished, «Well, we've had, all told, about a thousand pages in the maga- Tovah sea coddled up her liver just her zines and ten thousand columns in the newspapers since the first of Next his brother Bill was taken With a sort of inward achi That required no skilled physician to discern Was a case of plain cirrhosis, By the quickest diagnosis— “It did.” William kicked the well-known cooperage in “But it brings in turn, a tremendous lot of So this liver-haunted fellow, business, no doubt.” With a face like jaundice yellow It didn’t.” From the constant fear that racked him day 0" and night, No; it was all Set before himself the question made up of exposes.” How to obviate congestion And to keep his liver well and working right. Then he learned from Doctor Slaughter That the danger lay in water, And that once he found a spring to suit his case He could live on, infinitum, Just to fool folks or to spite "em, Till the skin was dried like parchment on his face. June.” “That much space must cost a lot of mon- ey. MAXY 2 man who has found a way to the marriage altar would like to find a way to alter the marriage. EN are but oppor- tunities, tobe taken advantage of. Hence he sought with ardent vigor ‘Mid the northern winter's rigor, Hence he sought amid the tropics of the south ; And he never saw a puddle But he said, ‘* Perchance this mud'll Be the stuff to break my liveristic drouth."* Yes; he tried ‘em all, be jabers! Never ceased he from his labors Till he found the very water he desired. And he settled there to stay Till his distant, dying day, While he boasted in a way to make you tired. Happened down in old Virginia, Did this yarn I've set to spin ye And this liver-liberated fellow stayed ‘Till, by tanking up discreetly, He had rid himself completely Of the symptoms that had rendered him afraid. To a century and fifty He was feeling nice and nifty— But his body grew exhausted—there’s the rub, Yet his liver, when he croaked, With such deathlessness was soaked STOP! YOU'LL HURT THE BABY! ‘That they took it out and killed it with a club, Ovo tapy—"Hey, there! Stop where you are’ Can't STRICKLAND W. GILLILAN, you see where you're falling 2” comicbooks.com